I decided to rerun this particular column when last week, I faced this daunting task once again. Enjoy.
When you have Multiple Sclerosis everything takes longer. Longer to get dressed. Longer to go to the bathroom. Hell, I can’t change my mind without a delay in my function-junction.
So when you put me “on the clock,” it is like telling someone with Parkinson’s not to spill.
A good example took place this past weekend. I thought the tires of my car could use some air so I went to my neighborhood gas station.
There before me, stood my challenge………
Wholesome air. Clean, tube-inflating air. Two minutes worth for a mere fifty cents.
I can just see it. In big letters…..”Keep your feet planted firmly on the ground!”…. “Made from Issac Newton’s original recipe.” And I’ll have a picture of an astronaut saying “Gravity is an important part of my day, I outta know.”
Just how many quarters do you suppose I could amass?
Two minutes to fill four tires. No problem right? Maybe for you. But for me these two minutes would seem like a NASCAR pit stop.
First, I circled my car and removed the valve stem cover from each tire. (My first stroke of genius since elementary school.)
Then I crammed my 50 cents into the machine and was off like a swift gazelle…….with Polio. Or MS in my case.
The first tire…done. Second tire…done.
Now to the other side.
Third tire…done. And on to the last tire.
My heart was swelling with pride as I had plenty of my “two minutes” remaining. I wanted to “high-five” everyone around. I squatted like a catcher to fill my final Goodyear Radial.
Struggling to get the air hose on the stem (my life story), I lost my balance and rolled backwards onto my butt and continued rolling onto my back.
All the while my “two minutes” were counting down.
(Does anyone else have the “Mission Impossible” theme running in their head?)
I fought my way to my feet, only to “Tumblelina” onto my back once again.
Finally, with the strength of “ten Grinches plus two,” I reclaimed my squat, put the hose to the stem…..And the compressor shut off.
(Bleep, bleep, bleepidy, bleep-bleep)
Now I had to spend another
I finished filling my tire. Then, I stood defiantly squeezing the hose, letting the remainingtwo minutes of air escape into the atmosphere. I wasn’t about to let “the man” take my 50 cents without getting my fair share.
Do you remember that breeze of fresh air you felt last Saturday morning?—-that was MY 50 cents. You can thank me another time.



























8. February 2010
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