26. April 2016

4 Comments

Pick-A-Caption

 

 

Quiz time kids!

Quiz time kids!

 

 

Time for a little multiple sclerosis fun (Duh, when isn’t MS fun?).

In this mindless post (Duh, aren’t they ALL mindless?), you’ll be given a picture and three possible captions.

Your job is to pick the caption that best describes the picture.

Sound fun?

So easy, let’s begin…..

 

 

#1

There there.

There there.

 

What is being said…

A)-  You’ll make it through this.

B)-  You did your best.

C)-  How many times are they gonna show that damn commercial for Tecfidera?

 

 

 

#2

Sing along...

Sing along…

 

 

 

This image shows…..

A)-  facilities for all

B)-  accomodations for all family needs

C)-  how The Brady Bunch has really changed

 

 

 

 

#3

No cutting!

No cutting!

 

 

This crowd is…..

A)-  watching a concert

B)-  attending a rally

C)-  waiting to use the only handicap-accessible stall

 

 

 

#4

So pretty.

So pretty.

 

This chart shows…..

A)-  an assortment of shapes

B)-  a coloful kid’s toy

C)-  the # of opinions you hear on how to “cure” MS

 

 

 

#5

What the?

What the?

 

This illustration represents…

A)-  the human digestive system

B)-  how the large & small intestine work together

C)-  a funnel cake from the county fair

 

 

 

#6

 

Smile & say cheese

Smile & say cheese

 

This image…

A)-  shows MRI results

B)-  helps doctors determine MS activity

C)-  proof brains do exist in the Kardashians

 

 

 

#7

Hmm

Hmm

 

 

The pie-chart diagrams…

A)-  the different types of MS

B)-  classification of MS diagnosis

C)-  The portion size of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.  (See below)

 

That's more like it!

That’s more like it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sock

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22. April 2016

0 Comments

Anatomy of a Slugger

 

 

 

Play ball!

Play ball!

 

 

Baseball season is in full swing.

Neighborhood ball diamonds are a flurry of activity as players & teams strive for greatness.

The unmistakeable sound of bat meeting ball takes me back years ago to my own scrappy play on the fields.

The choking dust blowing as an ump calls balls & strikes.

The rythmic chatter lulling a batter to “Swing!”

 

 

Team photo.

Team photo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My ball career began as a member of the lowly “Pilots.”

A motley collection of Johnny Bench wanna-bes.

Our intrepid leader was Coach Smokey.

That’s me standing next to coach in an obvious attempt to brown-nose more playing time.

What you can’t see in the picture was how Coach Smokey got his name.  He was never without a cigarette.  Lucky Strikes were his favorite, and ours too, as no one on the team could escape the cloud of second hand smoke.

We didn’t have a team trainer—we had a team respiratory therapist!

 

Should be in the Hall.

Should be in the Hall.

 

 

But enough about the team.

This is about me.

The makings of a .200 hitter and the anatomy of a future slugger.

 

First, my stance.

I show good balance.  Head up.  Knees bent.  Feet shoulder width.

 

But let us take a closer look…..

 

 

IMG_0005

Oh my God.  Look at the size of that head!  It’s almost as big as a strike zone!

Hard pressed to find a ball cap–much less a batting helmet to fit this cranialpod.

 

It’s also good to bat with an open mouth to catch bugs or an errant fastball.

 

 

My arms?  Well let’s just say I was following the Olive Oyl exercise program.

Hangman has bigger muscles!

 

There you go!

There you go!

 

A good swing begins with a solid foundation.

That’s why I wore low-cut Converse.

Who needed spikes?  Not me!

Especially when you just happened to have socks that matched the Pilots’ team-color.

Athletic AND a fashion plate?  Guilty as charged.

 

 

One-pack abs.

One-pack abs.

 

Finally the power of a swing comes from the mid-section and we see I was sporting the requisite pot-belly popular with so many baseball players.

(Hey you get hungry in right field!)

I kept it under wraps by wearing a leather belt with my baseball pants.  You don’t see too many big-leaguers today wearing a dress belt.  Wonder why?

Or course you can’t see the atomic wedgie I got going on the backside.  Typically, baseball players fiddle with their crotch in the batter’s box–but not me.  As I would step up to the plate I needed to do a reach around to pull everything out of the crack of my ass.  (Sing along with me…”Buy me some peanuts and bu-ut crack.”)

 

There you have it.

The complete insight into my ball career as a member of the Pilots.

Take this knowledge & put it to use as you enjoy the boys of summer.

For now you know the “Anatomy of a Slugger.”

sock

 

 

 

 

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19. April 2016

4 Comments

MR Not MS

 

Pure fiction.

Pure fiction.

 

 

According to the National MS Society, multiple sclerosis is at least two to three times more common in women than men.

 

For the overwhelming majority of female patients, the abbreviation MS is fitting as MS, like Mrs & Miss, is also a proper greeting.

 

 

But as one of the few gents with multiple sclerosis, I was daydreaming about if the tables were turned…and more males had MS than females (kinda like prostate cancer).

If this was true, would MS then become MR? (As in “Mister”)

And would the symptoms of the newly coined MR be different from MS?

 

Here is my rough draft of symptoms exhibited by a male patient with MR.  

(Be sure to carefully look for these warning signs in all males in your circle.)

 

Does He…..

 

  • Actually listen

  • Put dirty dishes in the dishwasher

  • Channel surf at a much slower pace

Not neatly, but hanging.

Not neatly, but hanging.

 

  • Hang up his wet towel

  • Have diminished grilling skills

  • Claim to know nothing about something

  • Burp to himself

  • Drive with courtesy & patience

  • Change his shirt w/o being told

 

 

Who uses bar soap?

Who uses bar soap?

 

  • Return the soap “hair-free”

  • Tire of the endless E. D. commercials

  • Find what he needs w/o asking

  • Sit in the chair so others can use couch

And finally

  • Turn over command of the remote

 

Again if a male you know shows any of these warning signs, he may be suffering from MR, the male version of MS.

Consult a doctor, who may schedule an immediate “MR-i.”

If you have noticed other symptoms of MR not listed above, please alert us with a comment to your important findings.

Happy healing.

sock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13. April 2016

6 Comments

The Perfect MS Drug

 

 

We are looking!

We are looking!

 

 

Your quest for the perfect MS drug.

 

Certainly we could all agree the perfect treatment for multiple sclerosis would include the ability to cure, be effective, restore myelin, minimum side effects and available to all at a reasonable cost.

 

But I found myself wondering what else might we include in describing the perfect MS drug?

 

Here’s what I came up with.

 

The perfect MS drug….

 

  • Tastes like chocolate

  • Recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists

  • Sold over the counter

  • Eliminates fine lines & wrinkles

    Refreshing!
    Refreshing!
  • Served in a frosty mug

  • Free as a credit score

  • Comes in its own alfredo sauce

  • Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

  • A prize in every box

  • Fun as shopping for shoes

  • Increases your IQ

  • Could grow in my garden

  • Great with hummus

  • Makes “happy hour” happier

Feeling lucky.

Feeling lucky.

 

  • Is “magically delicious”

  • Boosts self-esteem

  • Now in snack size

  • Chosen by choosy mothers

  • Made by Ben & Jerry’s

  • Puts a skip in your step

  • Sold at Hooters

An offer you can't refuse!

An offer you can’t refuse!

  • Get a “Buy One Get One Free”

  • Melts body fat

  • Has a rich, nougat center

  • Tickles going down

 

and finally

  • Comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee or your money back

 

I think that pretty much sums up my perfect MS drug.

How about you?  Any suggestions you would add?  Share it with a comment.

 

Otherwise we’ll keep waiting & hoping till the next med hits the market.

Good luck.

sock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8. April 2016

0 Comments

Sh#@ I Don’t Need

 

 

Each day, you the consumer, are faced with a barrage of messages vying for your attention—and your money.

Buy this.  Buy that.  Save this.  Get that.  Act now.  Order today.  Call now.  Reserve yours.

To help you sort through the endless, mind-numbing enticements, My Odd Sock presents something I like to call…..

 

All the sh#@ fit to print.

All the sh#@ fit to print.

 

 

“Sh#@ I Don’t Need.”

A collection of products & offers I have absolutely no use for.

 

Let’s get started…..

 

 

 

Coin Collector Set

What a sweet deal!

What a sweet deal!

 

 

 

I found this 8-coin set of presidential dollars for just $8 bucks.

 

I save 65% PLUS I get a free gift!

 

 

Who is that?

Who is that?

 

 

 

This sounds like an awesome deal if you want a coin with the likeness of John F. Kennedy…who happens to look more like John Kerry!

 

 

 

 

Shot Glasses

Collector's item!

Collector’s item!

 

The football fan in you can’t do without this set of 50 Super Bowl Shot Glasses.

Not sure of the connection between a shot glass & a Super Bowl, but here it is in all its glory.

I like the point being made this set is “not sold in stores.”

There’s a reason for that and we all know why!

Even Bed Bath & Beyond passed on selling this garbage.

 

 

Bricks

Ready to throw.

Ready to throw.

 

A home improvement store sells these bricks four for a dollar.

 

That’s a cheap way to arm a whole platoon of rioters, smashing windows & looting for under ten bucks!

 

 

Camera Straps

Smile & say cheese.

Smile & say cheese.

 

 

A big box store can save you 50% on camera straps.

 

Now if they could just find someone out there who still carries a camera!

 

 

 

 

Solar White Owl Light

Who..needs this?

Who..needs this?

 

Here’s a beaut of a product I don’t need…the Solar White Owl Light.

It looks kinds neat in the daytime but at night it becomes the menacing predator.

The ad says it repels:  “Squirrels.  Rodents.  And more.”

I assume the “And more” refers to folks with enough common sense not to fork over the $12.99 plus shipping & handling for such a silly product.

 

 

Pool Chair

Throw me a life preserver!

Throw me a life preserver!

 

 

I’m all for a nice reclining pool chair around the swimmin’ hole…but a chair on wheels?  Sitting that close to the edge?

Better have 9-1-1 on the speed dial ‘cuz I smell an accident about to happen!

 

 

 

 

Throw Pillows

Move'em again.

Move’em again.

 

Every ad for bedding shows a bed covered with throw pillows.

What’s the purpose of a throw pillow?  They are a waste of a pillow.  Even the name says “throw.”

You “throw” them on the floor before you go to sleep.

And the next morning, you “throw” them back onto the bed.  Who has the time?

One or two throw pillows I can deal with, but the six or eight you see in every ad is overdoing it.  C’mon.

 

Shoes

Thor shops here!

Thor shops here!

 

Lastly I found these shoes on sale at Macy’s.

I didn’t know Greek God & Goddesses were still among us.

I might wear these if I was cast in the movie “Gladiator” but otherwise it would take me all day to strap these things on.  I would be exhausted before I left the house!

These may have been a fashion statement 1,500 years ago but I’ll simply pass on these and everything else you have seen in this post.

I’m lumping them all together in a big pile of “Sh#@ I Don’t Need.”

Happy shopping.

sock

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4. April 2016

2 Comments

One Handed

 

Been soaking in Ivory liquid.

Been soaking in Ivory liquid.

 

Not right handed.

Not left handed.

I’m one handed.

 

Wait, you say.  It’s obvious from the picture you have both hands…so what do ya mean by claiming you are one handed?

 

Well, many of us with multiple sclerosis have a terrible sense of balance.

Me personally, I am more unsteady than the government of a third-world nation.  

A college student’s debit account is easier to balance than I am.

I can’t sit in a straight-back chair without falling over.

Which means I (and probably you) are required to hold on with one hand at all times.  

Thus, one handed.

One hand holds on while the other does what it needs to do.

 

Steady on there bro.

Steady on there bro.

 

 

For example, when getting into a car—one hand opens the door while the other hand bears the weight of keeping me upright.

Or, from falling backwards.

 

 

 

Nice paw-print you leave on the fridge!

Nice paw-print you leave on the fridge!

 

 

Getting something from the fridge?

Sure, no prob.  

As long as a “foundation” hand is there to steady myself, leaving the other hand to reach in to get whatever.

 

 

 

Stupid drawer.

Stupid drawer.

 

Opening a drawer designed for the use of both hands can be tricky when you are one handed.

 

I’ve learned to adapt by opening the drawer a little on one side, then switching to the other handle to pull on the other side—in a quick back & forth action.

(Drawer opening for dummies.)

 

 

Don't forget to floss, Gus.

Don’t forget to floss, Gus.

 

Even something simple like brushing teeth requires me to use one hand to hold on while the other brushes away plaque & gingivitus.

Sometimes when I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll try to brush hands-free.

This move requires me to press my junk into the bathroom vanity & grind like a $10 dollar lap dance at the strip club.

Your whole body..periously balanced between your gooch and the edge of a KraftMaid cabinet.

Uncomfortable yes, but a small victory when one is without balance!

 

Have you realized you are also one handed?

Tell me how you are challenged.  And how you overcome.

Being one handed is no big deal, really.  It’s just another tiny example of the manusha we learn when dealing with MS day-in & day-out.

Stay balanced.

sock

 

 

Continue reading...
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