Rules to live by.

Having multiple sclerosis isn’t difficult if you simply use a little common sense.

To give you some healthy guidelines, My Odd Sock has created the list of “MS Dos And Don’ts.”

Let’s get busy, shall we…..

Don’t stray too far!

DO be aware of your bladder.  Accidents happen.

DON’T tether yourself to the toilet.

Have you seen my shirt?

DO remain active.  Exercise is important in the fight against MS.

DON’T use the exercise bike as a laundry rack.

The doctor is busy now.

DO make a point to be on time for doctors appointments.

DON’T make the doctor late for his 3:15 tee time.

Pleasure doin business with you!

DO get a disabled parking placard for shopping convenience.

DON’T sell your placard on the black market.

Phew, I’m cooler now.

DO wear a cooling vest during Summer’s warmer temperatures.

DON’T try to stay comfortable wearing less clothing.

Gotta pee now.

DO keep your body hydrated by drinking 8 to 10 glasses of water each day.

DON’T drink it all at once.

That’s a triple 18.

DO participate in an approved disease modifying treatment program.

DON’T use the syringes for a game of darts.

Have any croutons?

DO be aware of MS-related leg tremors.  Alert your doctor of any changes.

DON’T rely on your leg tremors at dinner to shake the bottle of salad dressing.

Can I have a wine spritzer?

DO keep important items like hand disinfectant & tissues in the basket of a rollator.

DON’T use the rollator basket to chill your adult beverages.

It’s an uphill climb, but you got this!

Finally, DO remain positive.  Stay active & engaged.

DON’T give up and don’t withdraw.  You are bigger than the MS we fight.

Keep moving.

I found this classified ad in the local paper.

Now if I could only figure out what it’s for…..

Sure, I got one to sell!

What?  What are you paying $325 bucks for?

Maybe you or I have what this person wants.

Heck, we may have several of them to sell!

Whatever it is, we’ll be getting the best price!

Lemme guess, you want to buy a canoe?  Extension ladder?  Toenails?  Atom splitter?  Zebra hide?  Lava lamp?  Piccolo?  Dryer lint?

Gotta be more specific buddy.

If YOU have any idea what this ad is buying..or have a guess, let me know with a comment and we’ll go halfsies on what we make!

In the meantime I’ll keep guessing…Car parts?  Bobby pins?  Dresser drawers?

What the?

The picture on your left is :

A-  A medieval torture chamber.

B-  Devices of a Dominatrix.

C-  Things I use to battle spasticity.

Although there may be some truth to both answers A and B, my intention was for you to choose answer C.  

Because C includes many of the weapons I use in my war on spasticity.

War is hell.

I call it a “war on spasticity for the reason of its never-ending vengeance.

Spasticity never gives up no matter how much stretching, exercise and Baclofen thrown at it!

Spasticity is the ISIS of my multiple sclerosis.  Hard to contain and difficult to control, spasticity flares up without regard.

Do too much?  Spasticity is there to say you over did it.

Sit too long?  Spasticity spasms make it difficult to stand.

My gams have splinters.

Some days I feel as though I am walking with two x fours as legs.  (Thankful I am walking!)

(Please excuse my embarrassing cankles!)

My arsenal in the war on spasticity includes:

Upside-down fun.

An inversion table.

Used before bedtime, it helps ease restless leg quivers.

It is also a good way to drain fluid from weary legs and relax an aching back.

Looks kinky to me.

My PRECORE stretching machine is a nice, easy way to stretch one’s entire body.

I use it before getting on the inversion table during my my pre-sleep ritual.

(Brushing & flossing are also beddy-bye habits.)

Splints, bands & belts oh my!

Plus, here’s my assortment of stretching bands, physical therapy belt, foam roller, Dyna-Splint (for foot drop), sprinter’s stick (to roll over tight muscles) and a calf stretch thingy whatchamacallit.

Truth is, you don’t need all this stuff to ease your spasticity.  This is just all I have collected in my 18 years of slaying the MS monster.

Although I would recommend a foam roller & belt to do simple floor(or chair) stretches.  And a sprinter’s stick is divine to use yourself or if you are lucky to have someone roll it for you!

These items are inexpensive and easy to find online or at any sporting goods store.

Well I’ve been sitting here way too long.  Time to get up and move….

Aaaaaagggghh, God!

Tell me how YOU do battle with spasticity in a comment.  We’re all in this war together!

Man, sometimes I think it would be easier with a Dominatrix.

Let’s drain.

Welcome to “Brain Drain,” the ongoing series of posts where yours truly lets go of some things that have disturbed me.

Since it has been a year since the last Brain Drain, I’ve come to conclude I am mellowing in my old age.  (That and I have been wearing white Rockports lately.  Next, I’ll be driving with my blinker on.)

Let’s get on with Brain Drain….

Dumb Product

I found this product in Parade Magazine.

(My God yet another sign I’m getting older!)

Simply stupid.

The Whistle Activity Monitor works like a FitBit for your dog by recording Fido’s activity

Isn’t this product a bit overkill?

Do I really need this as a pet owner?

Every dog I’ve ever owned spends most of its day licking itself.  Does this count as an activity?

The Whistle Monitor also charts a dog’s appetite.  

Great, this will come in handy to know how much Jasper ate out of the garbage can!

Honestly I could think of a million other ways to spend a hundred dollar bill!

What’s next…

Retail Sales

How much savings?

Sales drive me crazy.

Sales are the lifeblood of any retail business…but are they really sales?

The picture to the left was sent to me by an alert shopper.

The Puffer coat is on sale for one-tenth of a percent MORE than the Covington scarf coat.

What will a person do with these tremendous savings?

Stores like Kohl’s have sales constantly.  Two-Day Sale.  Three-Day Sale.  They have the Biggest Sale of the Year sale several times a year.

How do they top that?

Another Macy’s sale.

Macy’s is the worst though.

Macy’s bombards you with sale ads, but have you taken a good look at the fine print?

Excludes oxygen in the store.

The list of excluded items during a Macy’s sale is longer than Shaq’s inseam!

I would be faster thru the line at Social Security, grocery AND the DMV before you could finish reading the list of Macy’s exclusions.

There can’t be much else that’s left in the store to sell!

Moving on…

New Business

The news has been good.  The economy is recovering.  The unemployment rate is lower.  And the economic landscape is ripe for new business.

In fact, there is a new retailer who has opened its doors in my neighborhood…..

Used a sword for ribbon-cutting.

Yes that’s right.  Ninja Supply.

Ninja Supply?  Really?

Oh that’s handy.  I’ve needed a new throwing star!

I’ll stop there on my way home from the Dojo.

Can I get a gift card, Grasshopper?

Let me remind you…I live in Ohio.  The Ninja population here is tiny, almost nonexistent.  You are more likely to see a dinosaur than a Ninja.

If anyone in Ohio wears a Ninja mask–they’re probably a bank robber.

Safe to say a Ninja in Ohio doesn’t wear a Kimono—more like a wife-beater.  And has a mullet.

So will Ninja Supply be successful?  Hard to say but the odds aren’t good.

There now.  All better.  I’ve let out all the bad chi that has building inside.

Be sure to lay some of your Brain Drain in a comment and you’ll feel better too.

Thrills & Spills!

My Christmas holiday was like an old episode of TV’s “The Fall Guy.”

Well, sort of.

It had nothing to do with Lee Majors, star of the action-adventure series from the 1980′s.  Nor did it have anything to do with being a Hollywood stuntman turned bounty hunter (the plot of the show).

I suppose the only thing my holiday had in common with the show was the title.

You see, I was “The Fall Guy.”

I had a fall the week before Christmas.  A hard fall.  Probably the hardest fall in my 18 years with multiple sclerosis,

My fumble-feet stumbled over each other causing me to go head-first onto the garage floor.

Lying on my belly, I raised my melon head to the sight & sound of blood gushing out as if squirting from a faucet.

I screamed more than a few expletives, pissed at myself & pissed at MS, for falling.  My son heard the commotion and came to see what happened.  Upon sight of all the blood, he grabbed a phone and dialed 911.

Soon enough, we had a firetruck and an ambulance on the scene, along with enough feelings of guilty ridiculousness on my part to fill BOTH vehicles.

A few hours later I rolled out of the hospital ER (in a wheelchair of course) with four stitches in my brow, a mushed face and a bruised ego.

Other than that I was fine.

In fact, I was well enough to turn my plight into a fun game for all ages!

Which one of the following three pictures is my eye?

Is it…..

A.    

Smokey eyes.

B.   

High fashion.

Or, C.   

Needs a brow pluck.

All in all my experience taught me three things.

1.   The hardness of concrete is greater than my face.

2.  A fall equals feelings of an idiot.

3.  Maybe this Fall Guy should use a walker.

Let’s dig deep into the My Odd Sock archives for this moldy-oldy…..

The one you look toward for inspiration.

The one who motivates you to be your best.

The one who encourages you to reach further…to face adversity…to be tenacious in perseverance.

It’s your role model!

Is there such an individual in your life?  Someone who actively challenges you to face multiple sclerosis and give it the ol’ one-two beat down?

We were discussing this during a recent MS Group meeting.  We came to the consensus that there are no true MS roll models.

(This is not a type-o.  I titled this piece “Roll Model” since so many of us use wheelchairs, scooters & rollators to get our groove on!)

We also agreed that the MS role models presented to us in the media, big pharm advertisements, even the MS Society itself, are a bit far-fetched.

I haven’t believed in Santa Claus since I was seven-years-old—so how can I believe a person with MS can get “pumped-up” to run a marathon?  (Although I feel as though I’m running a marathon when I have a full bladder and I am ten steps from the bathroom!)

Runners, competitive cyclists, downhill skiers, surfers…Eh, at this point show me an MSer who can maneuver a rollator through a crowded Kohl’s store and you’ve got my attention!

Montel Williams skiing down a Colorado mountain?  Pleeease.  How are we to relate to that?  I barely have the balance to sit on a bean-bag chair!  I flop sideways putting on my socks…how am I suppose to ski the powder of Snowshoe?

Therefore, we are forced to be our own role models.  To do what we do…to make it through the week, the day and the hour.

We know what’s best for us.  And what works for you probably won’t work for the next person.

Each of us are different so the best we can do is to offer others a comforting squeeze of the arm and a “hang in there, mate.”

To me, that type of reassurance is ten times more motivating than an MSer who catches waves on a surfboard!

Role model?  Heck no, not for me.  I’m just doing what I gotta do.  Sure I may grumble & growl at times…and say “I’m sick of this crap!”  But come tomorrow I’ll be back at it.

It’s the same story for you.  You’ll do it because you have to (kicking & fussing in your mind only)!

Here’s to YOUR role model…..you, yourself.

Now go be outstanding!