3. March 2015

0 Comments

We’re #2!

 

MS is #2.

MS is #2.

 

 

C’mon, all together now…

 

“We’re #2, hey!  

We’re #2, Yeah!”

 

Yes, that’s right.  According to the National MS Society, multiple sclerosis is the second most expensive disease to treat.

Only congestive heart failure ranks higher.

 

 

The average health cost per family living with MS is about $70,000 per year.

Seventy G’s…and we only get 2nd place?  Second place is good, but not good enough!

Everyone wants to be number one.  And we as MSers are no exception.

 

Yeah, we bad, we bad!

Yeah, we bad, we bad!

 

 

Yep, we’re beating cancer.

Aids & Alzheimer’s?–get outta here.  You’re messing with the big dogs now.

And Diabetes?  You can bite it.

 

MS may be number two right now…but we’re coming after you CHF!

 

 

 

 

Good to be a rich MSer!

Good to be a rich MSer!

 

 

 

Our coffers run deep.

So much so, many of us with MS don’t even have to work.

 

Unlimited funds!

 

I light my cigars with $100 bills.

 

 

 

 

Moo-Lah!  I'm rich bee-otch!

Moo-Lah! I’m rich bee-otch!

 

 

 

We are rich with cashish.

 

And willing to spend it on our disease.

 

 

 

 

Go team go!

Go team go!

 

 

But to claim the top spot, MS will need some help.

So I have asked these cheerleaders and Big Pharm to lend a hand.

Let’s see what the young ladies have come up with…

 

 

“Go Big Pharm.  Go all the way!

Go Big Pharm, Let’s make’em pay!”

 

Wow, thanks girls!

 

Together we can do this.

Let’s work to make multiple sclerosis thee NUMBER ONE most expensive disease!

No one remembers number two.

So reach deep to help give MS the ranking it deserves.

Can you do another cheer, ladies?

 

“MS-MS is number two.  MS-MS, how about you?”

 

Well you heard it…MS is number two.

But then, you’ve known that since the day you were diagnosed, right?

 

sock

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28. February 2015

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The 73rd Annual My Odd Sock Flemmy Awards

 

Oh geez another awards show.

Oh geez another awards show.

 

 

Welcome to the 73rd Annual My Odd Sock Flemmy Awards!

 

Yes, we are smack dab in the middle of awards season which means My Odd Sock must jump on the bandwagon of blatant worthlessness.

 

The Flemmy Awards celebrate the best & the worst (mostly the worst) of 2014 as seen & read here at My Odd Sock.

 

 

 

 

Thank you.  Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

 

 

The audience has been restrained to their seats.

And you are encouraged to take your dramamine now as we begin the show!

 

 

 

 

Keep it down in the peanut gallery!

Keep it down in the peanut gallery!

 

 

Our first category is…..Best Comment.

 

The nominees are:

 

Edward McCarte-

“I use to be able to find good advice from your content.”

 

Abasement-

“I think your site is gay.”

 Hotzhaus-

“I like to spam your website.  I like blackhat SEO, pharma, payday loans, viagra, gambling and also adult porn.”

 

I'd like to thank you for nothing.

I’d like to thank you for nothing.

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to…….Hotzhaus!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Was this supposed to be funny?

Was this supposed to be funny?

 

The next category is…..Best Humor Post.

 

And the nominees are:

 

Down On The Farm.  My Odd Sock goes home to visit the ol’ farm.

You’re Not The Only One.  A revealing look at offensive corporate logos.

Haunted House Names You’ll Never See.  My Odd Sock frightens you with a look at haunted houses.

 

 

Chalk it up to bribery.

Chalk it up to bribery.

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to……Down On The Farm!!!

 

 

 

 

 

This is considered "best?"

This is considered “best?”

 

Next we honor…..Best MS Post.

 

Not many to choose from, but the nominees are:

Candy Hearts.  Sweet treats with a love for MS.

Wear’em With Pride.  My Odd Sock designed t-shirts w/ special MS messages.

MS Goes To The Movies.  Your favorite movies with a dx of MS.

 

 

 

Could you move!

Could you move!

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to…..MS Goes To The Movies!

 

 

 

 

Good thing I'm wearing Depends.

Good thing I’m wearing Depends.

 

 

 

And the audience is happy to know this show is almost half over….because they have to pee!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If THIS is the best...

If THIS is the best…

 

 

 

Let’s move on to see what wins the Flemmy for…Best Picture.

 

 

And the nominees are:

 

 

Hey, why so Ruff?

Hey, why so Ruff?

 

 

My Odd Sock getting humped.

 

 

Colorful!

Colorful!

 

 

 

Lungs from A Fun But Grave Danger.

 

 

Drink up!

Drink up!

 

 

And the My Odd Sock Diet Coke Can.

 

 

 

 

 

Oof, I'm getting tired.

Oof, I’m getting tired.

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to…..Getting humped!  (I’ve been called an animal lover, but this is ridiculous)

 

 

 

 

 

Smile & say cheese.

Smile & say cheese.

 

 

Next, we award the Flemmy to the…..Weirdest Photo.

 

 

And the nominees are:

 

 

 

 

Made by Toro.

Made by Toro.

 

 

The combination snowblower/rollator.

 

 

 

Both have a head of wood.

Both have a head of wood.

 

 

 

Young My Odd Sock with Danny O’ Day.

 

 

 

Henpecked for sure!

Henpecked for sure!

 

 

My Odd SOck getting pecked to death.

 

 

 

 

 

Hanging in till the end.

Hanging in till the end.

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to…..Young My Odd SOck & The Dummy (Who’s who not sure!)

 

 

 

 

 

Worst of the worst!

Worst of the worst!

 

 

Which brings us to our final category…..Worst Product.

 

Throughout 2014, My Odd Sock has showcased many consumer products we will never need.

But this is the best of the worst.

 

And the nominees are:

 

For safety blow-do not suck.

For safety blow-do not suck.

 

 

Blow Gun.  Save four dollars!

 

 

 

Light'em up!

Light’em up!

 

 

The Glide-N-Glo walker lights.

 

 

 

 

Comes with its own Visine.

Comes with its own Visine.

 

 

The Winky Cross Body Bag.

 

 

 

Low fat.

Low fat.

 

 

And Donkey Butter.

 

 

 

 

A crumpled mess.

A crumpled mess.

 

 

And the Flemmy goes to…..Glide-N-Glo Walker Lights!

 

 

 

 

Wowzer, 2014 was a big year for My Odd Sock.

But it couldn’t have been possible without you.

Thank you for your readership as together we plod along for a fun-filled 2015 at this worthless website.

Blessings to you in life…and success to those living with multiple sclerosis.

Goodnight everyone!

 

sock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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25. February 2015

1 Comment

Never!

 

 

Giving MS the finger.

Giving MS the finger.

 

We’re not doing it to be assholes.

We’ve got nothing to prove.

And we’re not trying to be tough, curse or defiant.

 

First of all, I say “we” as in “you & I” with multiple sclerosis.

 

We’re just trying to live with something (MS) that takes, takes & takes a little something from us each day.

 

Therefore, we MSers find ourselves doing things that challenge our abilities.

“I did it yesterday, so I should be able to do it today.”

Unfortunately with MS that’s not always the case.  But as patients with MS, we damn well want to try!

(Yeah, a feisty bunch, we are.)

 

I say all that as two friends were recently discussing my latest hijinks…accidents, falls and other dumb stuff I’ve done.

(I was within ear-shot, so they knew I could hear them.)

 

NOT a "Fifty Shades" recreation.

NOT a “Fifty Shades” recreation.

 

Finally, one of them said to me…”We’re going to tie you down in a chair!”

I looked up…raised a clenched fist into the air…and shouted a rebellious “NEVER!!!”

Geez.

My response kinda surprised me with the amount of piss & vinegar in tone.

I felt a odd connection to the defiant forefathers at the Boston Tea Party. 

But I strongly felt that I would not–could not be tied down to let MS win.

That is the reason for my stern reaction.

 

And your response would have been exactly the same.

 

 

sock

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20. February 2015

0 Comments

Stop Me Before I Watch Again

 

There were the textbook signals.  

Loss of muscle control.  Erratic thought pattern.  Slurred speech.

Stroke? I wondered to myself.

Thankfully no.

It was the realization I had just wasted several hours of precious life watching tv’s TLC.

 

The Learning Channel, really?

The Learning Channel, really?

 

 

Yes, TLC, The Learning Channel.

The circus side-show act that went from only being seen in a shrouded tent…to becoming the broadcast staple of basic cable as television’s most addictive channel.

 

Where else can you see extremists, polygamists & nudists.  Fat people, little people & crazy people.  Hoarders, cougars & Duggars.

TLC is the place to learn about cheapskates, addicts & a dude with a 125-pound scrotum.  Whoa!

 

Actual dead brain cells.  (Yes, I have that many.)

Actual dead brain cells. (Yes, I have that many.)

 

 

In a matter of minutes, a person watching TLC programming will feel brain cells crawling out the ears to plunge to death in a suicide dive to the floor below.

 

That numb feeling of paralysis is common with TLC viewers.

A slow heart rate followed by a lethargic urge to eat Little Debbie snack cakes. 

 

 

 

Professional stunt person.  Do not attempt.

Professional stunt person. Do not attempt.

 

But TLC’s programming beckons you to watch more.

Drawing you in to become a comatose zombie willing to do the unthinkable.

 

I feel guilty watching these people & hearing their stories—yet I can’t look away.

 

By design TLC, The Learning Channel has become TLC, The Leering Channel.

 

Please.  Can someone stop be before I watch again?

 

 

sock

 

 

 

 

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17. February 2015

5 Comments

MS ID’d. Exclusive Photos!

Here is an encore performance of one of my favorite My Odd Sock’s.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

 

DATELINE:  My Odd Sock Laboratory 12/01/09

 

With startling new evidence, researchers at My Odd Sock Labs have uncovered up-close, never before seen footage of the debilitating disease widely known as multiple sclerosis.

 

Multiple Sclerosis, or MS, affects over 400,000 Americans and over 2.5 million people throughout the world.  MS is an autoimmune disease whereby the nerves of the brain and spinal cord are damaged by one’s own immune system.  In a process called demyelination, nerves are stripped of their protective & insulating covering (the myelin sheath) disrupting the flow of signals from the brain.

 

Research team analyzing scientific data.

 

My Odd Sock Labs is led by the acclaimed Dr. Ivan Von Hoof-N-Mouth.  Dr. Hoof-N-Mouth is assisted by his assistant, Assistant Manager Edith Dame Saggybags.  Also assisting in further assistant duties are Odd Sock, Captain Pink, Rabbit and Dale.

 

 

 

Water or Vodka?

 

 

Since late July, young, handsome My Odd Sock scientists have been working tirelessly to find the cause of this disease.

 

 

 

Scientific computations too complex to explain.

 

 

Although My Odd Sock Labs is still awaiting a grant to upgrade its aging computer system, this doesn’t deter the research team from their drive to find MS answers! 

 

 

 

Working in the My Odd Sock Laboratory

 

 

Powerful instruments have enabled scientists at My Odd Sock to look just beyond “squinting really hard” to uncover dramatic evidence of the demyelination process as it happens.

 

 

The Findings

In a rushed effort not to be out-scooped by the investigative reporters of TMZ, the research team at My Odd Sock offer these grainy, primitive images of multiple sclerosis.

 

IMG_1680

 

In this picture, you will first notice MS’s resemblance to some sort of prehistoric bird.  Dinosaur-like appendages.  Over-sized head (like your author).  And a plated tail, possibly for bodily cooling.

 

 

IMG_1681

 

 

Here you see the vicious carnage of MS tearing the myelin sheath from the spinal cord using razor-sharp teeth.  The MS shows no remorse.

 

 

 

IMG_1682

 

 

Finally, a head-on image of MS happily devouring the myelin sheath, which eerily resembles Kraft cheese slices.  Let us pray the progression slows.

 

 

 

My Odd Sock sincerely hopes the preceeding graphic images offer you greater understanding of the debilitating disease of Multiple Sclerosis.

sock

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10. February 2015

4 Comments

The Bed Zone

 

 

NOT a Stephen King novel.

NOT a Stephen King novel.

I tend to sleep in the spare bedroom.  But I am not alone.

Because if you have multiple sclerosis as well—you’re right there with me.

With MS, slumber can be a fitful, jumpy fog of tossing & turning between muscle spasms and potty runs.

 

In other words, sleeping with MS, or sleeping with someone who has MS, can be as restful as sleeping on a board.

Which is why I’m in the spare boudoir.

 

 

A scene from NCIS?

A scene from NCIS?

 

But our spare bed isn’t so conducive when one has the dreaded ick, aka MS.

 

In the morning my bed looks more like a crime scene.

A nightly assault between me and my Sealy.

 

Doing a little detective work, My Odd Sock presents a pretty convincing case.

Let’s begin….

 

 

 

The Evidence:

 

Soft & cushy.

Soft & cushy.

 

Item #1:  The Pillow-Top Mattress.

“Oh but it’s so comfortable” you say.  And I agree.

It IS comfortable—until you need to move, turn or rollover.  Then you realize what it’s like to be a turtle on its back.

You are stuck in a billowy pillow of comfort.

Lord knows, if the house catches fire, I am tinder ‘cuz there is no way I’m getting out in time!

 

 

 

Soft as a fuzzy peach.

Soft as a fuzzy peach.

 

 

Item #2:  Fuzzy Sheets

 

Again with the comfort plea….I hear ya.

But they stretch & grab onto my immoveable feet and toes.

I feel as though I am sleeping under a fruit roll-up.

Lastly, fuzzy sheets are also a major problem when you have Item #3.

 

 

Gorillas are jealous.

Gorillas are jealous.

 

Third Item:  Hairy Legs

 

I can’t help it.  I am the missing link.  My father was a Yeti.

The problem being…the combo of hairy legs & fuzzy sheets is equal to sleeping with velcro.  It makes it very difficult to move.

Add to that stiff, weakened MS legs and you’ve got a party!

 

But all of these items don”t matter at all unless you have Item #4.

 

 

Still searching for a photo.

Still searching for a photo.

 

 

Item #4:  A Full Bladder

 

With multiple sclerosis, when you gotta go–you gotta go.

And items #1, #2 and #3 make it difficult to successfully expedite Item #4.

 

The end result often requires a change of underwear, bed linens or both on account of having more dribbles than the Milwaukee Bucks.

 

 

It's elementary.

It’s elementary.

 

 

It doesn’t take a first-year law student to know all four pieces of evidence add up to something worthy of rubbing my nose in.

 

Let me know if you face similar  nite-nite challenges.  Together we could make a stronger case…or maybe share a washer at the laundromat.

 

 

 

 

sock

 

 

 

 

 

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