27. June 2015

1 Comment

National Take Your Dog To Work Day

 

A Dog Day

A Dog Day

 

Friday was National Take Your Dog To Work Day all across this great land.

A celebrated day when we share the love of our pooches with co-workers, customers & clients.

A welcomed day, right?

Not so my fellow canine lovers.

For there were numerous reports of National Take Your Dog To Work Day gone wrong.

Terribly wrong.

 

 

Felix, the ball chaser

Felix, the ball chaser

 

 

Suzanne Wilson, a tennis pro at Squire Hills Country Club in New York, said “I couldn’t get a damn thing done all day.  My dog, Felix, would snag the ball before my students could hit them.  How could I give tennis lessons with that going on?”

Wilson admitted she later had Felix put down during her lunch break.

“The lessons went way better after that” she added.

 

 

 

 

Zac Boggins, dog killer

Zac Boggins, dog killer

 

 

Zac Boggins, a concessions worker from Denver had similar problems with his dog, Maggie, a Retriever.

“Every time I tossed a hot dog to a customer, Maggie would bust-ass to get it back from the person.  It was ugly.  I was losing business.  So I had her put down during the 7th inning stretch.”

“National Take Your Dog To Work Day is a bad idea in my mind” said Boggins.

 

 

 

 

 

Is that an elm or an oak?

Is that an elm or an oak?

 

 

Gene Petro, a tree trimmer from Memphis and Debbie Bossler, a fireman in Cleveland, both agreed taking their dogs to work was a bad idea.

 

 

I ain't touching that!

I ain’t touching that!

 

Petro said “We all know how much dogs love trees.”

 

While Bossler added her take “What fireman wants to touch a hydrant that some dog has whizzed on?”

“That’s gross” she said.

 

 

Petro and Bossler commented how their dogs were interfering with their work and thus both had their pets put down.

 

 

Measuring an inseam.

Measuring an inseam.

 

Meanwhile, Lisa Long from Portland, Oregon, had a similar experience taking her dog, Urie, to her job as a seamstress.

“It was embarrassing when Urie would sniff the crotches of customers” she said.

One customer commented “I just thought Lisa’s dog was going for a tailored fit.”

Another said “The dog’s cold nose caught me by surprise.”

Long noted her day was “problem-free” after she had Urie put down.

 

After reading these sad accounts, we can only hope organizer’s of next year’s National Take Your Dog To Work Day will rethink their plans.

This has been My Odd Sock reporting.

sock

*Note:  No dogs were put down in the writing of this post.

 

 

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23. June 2015

7 Comments

It’s A Given: Slice of Life Truthisms of MS (and beyond)

 

Any truth here?

Any truth here?

 

It’s a given.

They are bound to happen.

You have thought about them.  I’m just the one dumb enough to write them down!

 

They are the everyday occurrences, situations & nuances of living with multiple sclerosis.

Some are true.  Most are downright silly.  Heck, there are several that have nothing to do with MS at all!

 

See if you can relate with any.  I’m sure you will.  It’s a given.

 

The day is hottest when you have the most to do.

 

Your nose itches most during an MRI.

 

A leg will spasm at the moment of injection.

 

Paper never tears at the perforation.

 

You WILL drop the soap.

 

The refrigerator light goes out by closing the door….you think.

 

Their name will come to you when they walk away.

 

You will be settled in the car when you realize you have to pee.

 

A phone will ring when you are farthest away.

 

Many who wear revealing clothes…shouldn’t.

 

Auto prescription refills are delivered when you still have lots left.

 

Your glasses are on the table across the room.

 

Panic ensues when the remote is MIA.

 

The thing you forgot was the whole purpose of your trip.

 

“Easy Open” never truly is.

 

Your check-out line moves the slowest.

 

You are not sure how your scraped your elbow.

 

Someone always knows someone who’s aunt has MS.

 

A shower chair is, at times, the most welcomed seat in the house.

 

and finally,

 

The one who gives the most medical advice isn’t a doctor, nor has MS.

 

Not a day passes without you experiencing something so ridiculous all you can do is shake your head, shrug the shoulders and throw your hands up in absurd surrender.

It’s a given because they are slice of life truthisms.  May your day be true.

sock

 

 

 

 

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16. June 2015

6 Comments

Energy: How Much Is In Your Tank?

 

Do you have enough?

Do you have enough?

 

Those of us with multiple sclerosis are always concerned with our energy.

 

Do I have enough?

How can I get more?

Should I rest now?

Will I need it later?

 

 

Despite the dozen or so symptoms/side effects of MS, lack of energy & fatigue are probably the most common (and most complained about!)

 

To help those without MS better understand what those of us with MS face each day, I thought I would put energy in terms everyone can relate to…..the gas gauge.

 

 

 

Start the day

After a good night’s rest & the nutritious breakfast every cartoon cereal spokesperson recommends, our energy levels look like this…..

 

Ready to roll!

Ready to roll!

Not so ready to roll.

Not so ready to roll.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmm, notice any diff?

The healthy person kicks off the day at pert-near a full tank.

Meanwhile, an MSer generally begins a day with little more than a half tank of energy.

 

 

 

 

Phew, time for a break!

 

Ready for a break!

Ready for a break!

 

 

After a while (and much sooner for the MSer), energy has dropped for both folks to about the same level.

 

So it’s time to take a breather!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Go Again

 

Ready, get set, go!

Ready, get set, go!

Rested.  But not much.

Rested. But not much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With a short rest under our belts, we should be good to go, right?

Wrong.

A healthy person has restored their energy level greatly when compared to the small returns rest brings to the MSer.

 

 

 

 

End Of The Day

 

Time to put the feet up!

Time to put the feet up!

Which way is up?

Which way is up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The end of the day shows another drastic difference.

A healthy person has lasted all day to finish with just under a half-tank.

While the MSer, gassed & spent all evening long, finishes way below “E”.

 

 

 

 

The energy difference can be explained simple as this:

An MSer is driving a big, lunky 4WD Hummer, while someone without MS is tooling around in a frisky, hybrid Prius.

It’s true, MSer’s have piss-poor fuel efficiency, while non-MSer’s have numbers that make the EPA grin like a proud papa.

So MSer’s, how much is in your tank?

sock

 

 

 

 

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8. June 2015

7 Comments

18 Inches

 

Tread lightly as you enjoy this rehashed My Odd Sock…

 

 

Eighteen inches.  A foot & a half.

In golf, an 18-inch putt is no gimme, especially for Tiger Woods!  In football, a foot & a half can sometimes seem like a mile when going for a first down.

But I never -ever thought eighteen inches would become such a formidable barrier with my multiple sclerosis.

 

Use some scrubbing bubbles on that tub!

 

You see, that’s the distance I must hike my legs to get in or out of our shower.

It wasn’t a big deal for a long time—but now as MS has comfortably nestled itself in my body like a cat on a pillow—this foot & a half has become a stubborn challenge.

(Note:  “stubborn challenge” is a polite way of saying “pain in the ass.”)

 

 

Grab under the knee & hike the leg

 

For a couple of years, I’ve had to physically lift my right leg when climbing stairs.

At sporting events it is interesting to see the horrified faces of people in the stands watching me as I climb the stairs like a possessed Jeff Dunham puppet!

 

But on this particular day, I got into the shower fine, I just couldn’t get out!  After over-doing it during the day, it was a struggle to lift either leg (good leg-left, bad leg-right) over the edge of the tub.

A hand under my knee, I attempted to lift my foot over the mere 18-inch lip to no avail.

Both my right & left legs were both too fatigued to make the climb.

How was I to escape my wet imprisonment?

 

Living on the edge.

It would have been too easy to sit on the edge and lift my legs over–but that thought didn’t even occur to me!

 

I figured I had three options.  One, live out my remaining years in that shower as the “world’s pruniest man.”  Two, I could cut off my feet using a loofah sponge.  Or three, give it one more heave-ho.

And with that I hoisted my left leg out while dragging my right over the top.

Yes, finally I was free!

I was exhausted too.  And covered with sweat.  (Wait, that was water from the shower.  I hadn’t dried off yet!)

 

If you are wearing shorts, just pull on the legs to raise your foot!

 

 

It’s time to consider a shower chair, I know.  Just another way MS creeps in and takes over our lives.

What gives you the most trouble?  Getting into showers?  Up stairs?  Through doorways?  Climbing into cars?  All of the above?

 

 

 

With MS, the smallest steps sometimes seem to be the biggest obstacles we face.  It’s our job to find the way to get over those challenges.  And I know you will—because you have MS.  And like the rest of us– you’re a tough ‘ol bird!

sock

 

 

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3. June 2015

4 Comments

Duggar-Demic

It's adding up

It’s adding up

Blowing the dust off this old My Odd Sock as the Duggars are in the news again.  Enjoy…

 

Here in the United States we are facing a serious problem.

 

It’s not National health care.

Not rampent unemployment.

Not bank foreclosures.

 

These problems pale in comparison.

 

I’m referring to the ominous “Duggar-demic!”

 

Yes, “Duggar-demic.”

The Duggars

 

The Duggars are a young couple from Arkansas, who star in their own TV reality series  with their 19 children.  Nineteen naturally born offspring!  And the Duggars are only in their early 40′s, so more Duggars could be on the way!

 

In fact, the eldest Duggar just had a baby–kicking off a whole new second generation of Duggars.  And it’s just the Duggar beginning!

 

That’s repro”Dugg” tion gone mad!

A classic misunderstanding

 

 

The Bible says to “Be fruitful and multiply.”  But the Duggars must have thought it said “Multiply like a fruit fly!”

 

Soon the entire world will be overrun with Duggars!

 

 

Let me prove my point.

The average gestation period (conception to birth) of humans is 275 days.  If every Duggar reproduces to his or her full Duggar potential, by the year 2020, we could have 252 Duggars!

(365 x 10 years= 3,650 days  3,650 divided by 275= 13.27 births  13.27 x 19 Duggars= 252.18 new Duggars!)

 

Add another 10 years (2030) and the world will have 3,598.55 Duggars.

 

My calculator is smoking!

bob barker

 

Forget about stray dogs & cats, we need Bob Barker to speak about having your Duggar spayed and neutered!

 

 

Want to know what woke this odd sock from a deep sleep?

….The thought of a Duggar being involved with Octomom!

 

Add Octomom’s family of 14 into the mix and by the year 2030, you could be sharing the world with 47,917.97 “Octo-Duggars!”

 

That’s a future family reunion big enough to be held in the new Dallas Cowboy’s stadium!

 

Maybe now you can understand My Odd Sock’s point of an impending Duggar-demic.

May you rest peacefully this evening.

sock

 

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26. May 2015

7 Comments

Got No Feeling

Please enjoy this bloody (seriously) old My Odd Sock.  I’m light-headed from loss of blood! 

Warning:  The following My Odd Sock contains graphic images of blood and gore.  The squeamish and those with weak stomachs look away.

 

Now you MUST read on, right?

 

Brain Scan

 

Multiple sclerosis has taken away my feeling.

I have no feeling from my armpits to my toenails.

 

(And some may add that I am “flat-lining” from the neck up as well!)

 

 

Don’t be confused….MS has swiped my feeling—but it also has intensified my feelingS.

rugrats

 

Yeah, even cartoons break me up.  Turn on the “Rugrats Mother’s Day Special” and watch me blubber like a BP shareholder!

 

 

But this isn’t about “feelingS”….it’s about “feeling,” and the lack thereof.

I’m sure you & I are riding in the same boat–as we both share a lackadaisical nervous system.

It’s especially dangerous when handling something extremely hot or frigid cold.  By the time the too hot/too cold message takes the Pony Express to reach the brain–our skin looks like a slice of fried bologna!

The hot/cold thing is a problem to be aware of, but not my reason for writing.

 

I’m most concerned with how I end up with an endless collection of cuts, scrapes, bruises, scratches, wounds, gashes and gouges (Sounds like the sadistic Seven Dwarfs!).

 

Blood, not ketchup

 

Take yesterday for example.  I THINK I scraped my knee when picking up sticks in the backyard.

But I’m not sure.

 

 

 

 

Healing wound

 

Or this old wound.

Because my legs scissor together more than a seamstress at JoAnn Fabrics, my big toenail on my right foot routinely goes “left of center” and scratches the heel of my left.  My only clue to when this occurred was the faint feeling of blood drying on my skin.

It happens often….But I’m not sure when.

 

 

Pedicure please!

 

Then, yesterday again, I gouged my toe on something in the shower.

I dropped the soap, leaned over to pick it up, my knees buckled and I tumbled like the gymnast Mary Lou Rotten (NOT Retton–Rotten!) cutting my toe in the process.

Once again, I’m not sure how.

 

 

All because I got no feeling.

How about you?  Raise your hand and tell me this happens to you too.  Are you like me and need a padded body suit?

Maybe we can go together and get a buy-one-get-one deal!

Wishful thinking when you got no feeling.

Shameless sponsor plug

 

This My Odd Sock has been brought to you by Band-Aid brand adhesive bandages.

 

 

 

 

sock 

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