A My Odd Sock apology.  I’m having

a Dr. Phil moment.

My doc is right for me.  And me for him.  We’re a good fit.

We both do our best to keep multiple sclerosis at arm’s length.

Finding a doctor that suits your style is half the battle when combating MS or ANY disease for that matter.

Your doctor should be encouraging, motivating, nurturing.

He or she should be one to give you hope.  Hope, not for a cure, but hope that you’ll feel better and spirits are lifted, by the time you scoot your butt off the paper-covered table.

Having MS, it’s easy to bury your chin into your chest.  But having a doctor who is warm & positive can make it easier to lift your gourd high enough to eliminate that double (or even triple) chin!

It’s easy to dread a visit to your MS physician.  And having a downer doctor makes it even worse.  I know, I’ve been there.  I would exit more frustrated than when I went in.  (And $150 poorer!)  Angry.   P O’d…and we all know how that flares our MS (Like putting gasoline on a fire)!

But today, thanks to a new doc, I look forward to my appointments.  I’m not getting any earth-shattering, cure-all advice—just a moment of brightness.  Reassurance.  A shot in the arm.  (Eh, scratch that…you already have taken plenty of shots to the arm, ass & belly!)  That’s all one can ask for.  And that’s what you should be getting from the person in the white coat.

Ask yourself, is your doc right for you?  Do they leave you feeling comfortable, positive & focused?

If not, maybe it is time to consider a change.  The difference can be huge when you consider your spirit is just as important as your physical self.

In essence, the stethoscope might be cold, but your doctor’s demeanor shouldn’t be.

Office of Consumer Research

Always working on your behalf, the Consumer Research Department of My Odd Sock has been busy searching the shelves of local retailers to ensure your dollar goes further.

Unable to come up with any constructive advice, we have uncovered some product oddities we would like to share…

The Keebler elves have been baking delicious cookies, including these new “Triple Chocolate” morsels.

Chocolate lovers can let out a hearty cheer as just to the left of the elf, the package declares “Made with Real Chocolate.”

Thanks Keebler for clearing that up!

There is nothing more reassuring than knowing “Triple Chocolate” cookies are made with anything LESS than real chocolate!

Here is a roll of aluminum foil found in our home.

I’m glad this company put all its effort into their product…and NOT a catchy name!

“It’s durable, so let’s call it ‘Durable Aluminum Foil’.”

I wonder, was “Shiny” already taken?

What’s next “See-Through” plastic wrap?

I could see other companies taking the easy way out.

How about a bottled water called “Wet”?

(The hard-to-see tagline says “Twice the amount of Hydrogen in every bottle.”)

Sam’s Club checks in with this “Emergency Food Storage Kit.”

Hmm, if it comes in a bucket–its gotta be good!

If it works for KFC, it works for me!

The copy says “Pails contain enough food for two people for one year.”  Just what subversive, counter-culture group needs enough food for a year?

Of course the $300 savings are available “online only.”  These customers aren’t coming out of their underground hovels to shop in-store!  (Just how do they get WiFi underground anyhow?  I can’t get mine to work in the next room!)

And I’m glad Sam’s Club limited this offer to just “1 per membership.”  I hate those survivalists who buy up the entire supply leaving nothing for the rest of us!

Finally.

I worked in a grocery store for over four years, so people are always asking me for advice on choosing fresh produce.

Here is a tip….

When shopping for baby spinach…..Always looks for the sprigs still in diapers.

So there you have it.

With these observations, you are now a wise consumer.

May your food budget stretch even further during these economic times.

And may you sleep soundly knowing that My Odd Sock takes your welfare to heart.

One

Two

Three

This may be the count of kids playing “Hide-N-Seek.”

Or, someone trying to keep their cool in a stressful situation.

But in this case, it’s neither.

Here I’m referring to the “One-Two-Three Mississippi” lag time it takes one with MS to go from being seated-to standing-to walking….

…That wonderful period of adjustment for your head & your body to get on the same page before moving.

And “three Mississippi’s” is being polite.

As my multiple sclerosis progresses, I find it’s usually a generous “three Mississippi’s” along with a “Louisiana,” a couple of “Alabama’s” and the whole damn Mississippi River Delta before I get my mojo in gogo!

An observer may wonder what’s our hold up.  But any MSer knows he or she has a lot going on in that crucial three to five seconds.

An MSer has signals flying from the brain to the feet…the feet to the brain…balance is telling the arms to steady itself…the hips try to maintain a center of gravity…all along an orange-barrel construction zone of myelin-damaged nerves stretching for miles inside the body.

That explains why those with MS have more delays than American Airlines.

Taylor Swift can start & end a relationship in the time it takes one with MS to get moving.

Have you noticed your own “three Mississippi” delay in the transition between sitting-to standing-to moving?

Do others notice your dawdle?  Are you use to it by now?

I’ve grown accustomed to my period of adjustment.

It reminds me of times before a baby takes its first steps.

The wavering.  The unsteadiness.

And, like a baby, I realize too if I don’t get it in gear quickly—I’m gonna go right in my pants!

Sunday is Mother’s Day, a special day indeed!

And celebrating Mom is what this My Odd Sock is all about.

Mother’s Day is a day of warm thoughts, kind words, enduring love and most importantly…..GIFTS.

But what do you buy for a Mom who seemingly has everything?

Well, our fine retailers seem to know what Moms want—and I’m happy to share them with you!

Let’s go shopping….

Our first stop…Walmart.

Walmart offers these wonderful additions to Mom’s kitchen.

You know, nothing means “Happy Mother’s Day” more than an oven, deep fryer or a griddle.

They express our true feelings by saying “We love you Mom, now get back in that kitchen and cook us some vittles–we’re hungry!”

Next stop….Kohl’s.

Kohl’s keep Mom looking her best with this special dark spot eraser.

Good product I’m sure, but look at this poor model.

My God, who’s her father….Chester Cheetah?

Didn’t she play Nala in “The Lion King?”

This poor lady shouldn’t worry about dark spots….more like poachers!

Let’s continue onward…

Mom may enjoy some wine on her big day.

A local grocery store offers this bottle of “Menage a Trois!”

“Menage a Trois” is a pretty daring name for a wine.  What was “Cheap & Slutty” already taken?

“Yeah, let’s get Mom good’n drunk and offer up a threesome!”

(Sounds more like a gift for Father’s Day!)

Our last stop….Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Liberace's Army

You could stop by Dick’s and pick up this wonderful pink, camo jacket.

It’s perfect if Mom’s into stalking flamingos!

Finally, Mom can support breast cancer awareness—and be sly about it.

She can wear it on her hunting trip to Candyland’s Gumdrop Mountain!

Here’s hoping for the greatest day to all Moms.  Mine included.  (Although she doesn’t read this rag.)

You deserve something special every day!

There is no doubt about it—multiple sclerosis can dish out some pretty heavy licks to a person physically, but I believe the mental aspects of the disease are just as severe.

MS crushes confidence.

It strips a person’s self-worth like a putty knife on wallpaper.

Multiple sclerosis attacks your “will” until it becomes a “won’t.”

I know because lately my spirits have been lower than Danny Devito doing the limbo.  Lower than a snake’s belly.  Lower than the morals of a Kar”trash”ian sister!

Dark clouds have been swirling around my noggin like hurricane Sandy.

And my little pink pills (anti-depressants) haven’t done a thing.  (Maybe I should put them in a Pez dispenser.  That might be fun!)

So despite the outdoor beauty of Spring…birds chirping…flowers blooming…the world coming to life.

Here I sit in a dumper…a crapper…a laundry hamper.  (That’s a weak parody of Steve Miller’s song…”Joker, Smoker, Midnight toker.”)  (Weird Al, I’m not!)

Doom and despair begin to overwhelm as you sink deeper burdened with concerns of health, family, money & the future.

(Depressing crap, I know.  But it gets better now!)

Then oddly enough, when you seem you’ve hit bottom, life throws you signs of change.

Little divine signals to say “C’mon, pick your butt up and let’s get on with it.”

Last week I had three such occurrences happen on consecutive days that gave me renewed hope.

On Tuesday I had lunch with a friend who relates well to my problems.  Wise beyond his years, he gave me perspective, even calling one of my ideas “stupid.”  (If he reads this blog at all, he’ll realize ALL of my ideas are stupid!)

My point here is face-to-face contact is essential to our well-being.  Many times those of us with MS tend to shut ourselves away.  Avoiding contact because it is physically too demanding or awkward to get out.

We need to make the effort to nurture our psyche.

The following day I was volunteering in the library of the local elementary school.  I stooped to straighten some books on the shelf.  When I stood up, I found myself staring at the book “Everyone Is Good For Something” by Beatrice Shenk De Regniers.

Of ALL the books in this library…THIS was the book on display!

A divine signal?  Maybe.

Suddenly my self-worth began to warm.  (Or did I just have another accident?)

Then on Thursday, I was looking through the newest issue of Sports Illustrated (May 6th).

On the last page was an article written by Michael Weiner.

In the story, Michael described his 2012 diagnosis of an inoperable brain tumor.  He offered four interesting things to keep in mind when given a heavy dx (like we have).

Don’t go into a shell. Don’t be afraid to talk about your situation with others.  (You’ll feel better.  I did!)

Help others, even if you are hurting. No matter how you feel, chances are there is someone in a worse way than you.  (He’s got that right!)

Don’t lose your sense of humor. (Amen, brother!)

Keep living your life. To the extent possible, do what you like to do.

Keeping your wits about your life with MS can be challenging at times.  But nothings easy.  Just be sure to keep your eyes & ears open for the signs to keep you focused!

Funny Meter taking a different approach.

And NO, I  did not have my funny bone removed.

(Just a revelation.)

Because I have been brain dead, please enjoy this coveted but repeat My Odd Sock.

New stuff will return early next week.  I promise.

My Odd Sock, a MS/Humor website,  was recently awarded “four and a half walkers out of a possible five” by the Multiple Sclerosis Consortium & Flea Market Association.

My Odd Sock was bestowed the cherished rating for “crisp writing and little to none informational value.”

My Odd Sock being asked questions by the media.

When asked about the high honors, My Odd Sock simply responded with an “Aw shucks,  I’d like to thank the Academy for the recognition!”

Humbled words from an overwhelmed article of clothing.  (How would you answer if you had a toy microphone shoved in your face?)

This prestigious honor was established just hours ago in the mind of a truly disturbed individual.

My Odd Sock is the first (and probably only) recipient of this award.

The Multiple Sclerosis Consortium & Flea Market Association reminds all readers that the popular “Weekend Tag Sale” continues all month long, rain or shine.