22. August 2014

3 Comments

Last Minute Back To School Shopping

Back to School

 

Many of our students are back in the classroom, but that doesn’t mean it’s not too late to pick up those ridiculous items retailers think we can’t do without.

 

And who better than My Odd Sock to point out the dumbest products you’ll never need.

 

Let’s get started and not waste another moment of class time!

 

 

 

Beard Shirt

 

JCPenney clocks in with this spiffy shirt.

 

 

It’s perfect for those pre-pubescent lads who dream of bearded bliss.

 

 

Honestly, the end of the whole Duck Dynasty/Unibomber look can’t get here quick enough for me.

 

 

With clothing designs like this, is it any surprise JCPenney is hemorrhaging for customers?

 

 

 

 

 

Don't look at the red dot!

Don’t look at the red dot!

 

Next we have Ikea hawking this ominous looking table lamp.

 

I think if I stare at the red dot long enough, this lamp would command me to kill.

 

Doesn’t this look like something from a Disney/Pixar movie?

 

Like it or hate it, this lamp is erie odd.

 

Let’s move on.

 

 

Stool Lamp

 

 

Quite possibly the dumbest item of the season belongs to this LED Stool Lamp, also from Ikea.

 

It’s a lamp.  And a stool.

 

You know, I’m a big fan of light for reading, watching TV or using a computer….but I really don’t need something to illuminate my ass.

 

Much less, spend an evening sitting on a burning light bulb.

 

Novel idea for tying ones shoes, but not $70 bucks novel!

 

 

 

 

 

 

BaCKPACK

 

Here you go, just what all students need.

A backpack…..with spikes!

 

What is this?  Bully proof?

 

 

The police could use this backpack like spike strips to throw under the tires of a fleeing vehicle.

Sorry, but if this is considered “fashion”, I’m even more comfortable being an old “fuddy-duddy.”

Next please….

 

 

 

Couch

Let’s head back to Ikea to check out this technicolor loveseat.

 

Wow, the colors in this design!

Nothing promises to throw you into a seizure faster.

Rainbows are envious.

They don’t have that many fluorescent colors in the highlighter display at Office Max.

Even hippies think it’s too tripped out.

 

Moving along…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bed Cups

 

My favorite store, Bed Bath & Beyond checks in with these Red Cup Bed Lifts.

 

Nothing like reminding young underage drinkers not to forget the infamous red Solo cups for this weekend’s big beer pong competition.

 

“Hmm, I could use them to create space…OR, play a drinking game.”

 

After a night of drinking, use two cups to elevate the head of your bed to avoid choking on your own vomit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dog Bed

Meanwhile, the strangest item in Bed Bath & Beyond’s back to school circular has to be this doggy bed.

 

First of all, what does this have to do with back to school?

 

Just because you photoshop a graduation cap onto the pooch’s head does NOT make this school related.

 

Have you ever seen a dog wearing a mortarboard?  Unless it went to obedience school that is….graduated at the top of its litter.

With honors…”Sitta Come Lay-down.”

 

Probably got an “A” because it was humping the teacher’s leg.  (I’m speculating, of course.)

 

 

 

 

Lastly, because young minds need to start their day with a nutritious breakfast, Walmart offers savings on these popular morning favorites….

 

Breakfast Items

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mmm, Fiber One Bars…Cheerios with protein…Pillsbury Toaster Strudel and…..Totino Pizza Rolls!

Pizza Rolls are probably the breakfast of choice if you’re the one buying the Red Cup Bed Lifts!

 

Happy shopping everyone.  Enjoy the school year!

 

sock

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16. August 2014

6 Comments

Games Your MS Will Play

Let’s play this My Odd Sock one more time.  Please enjoy!


When coping with multiple sclerosis, you can learn a lot about your disease by simply looking in the toy closet.

At least I did anyway.

The board games you played as a kid can provide you with a better understanding of MS.  In particular, things like what you are thinking…and what you are feeling.

These silly kids games also can help explain your MS to others.

Let’s play and we shall see….

IMG_0990

In Milton Bradley’s “Don’t Break The Ice,” a player tries to stay up on a slippery surface as blocks all around are crumbling downward.

Whick block shall we knock out next?  And will our whole world tumble if we choose the wrong one?

Sounds familiar.  In MS, we question if we are making the best decisions for our health, the correct meds, doing the right thing.  And we worry should the blocks collapse.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0995

Sometimes with MS or any chronic disease, it seems like you get walloped over the head no matter what you do.

That explains why these moles in “Whac-A-Mole” by Toy Biz are wearing yellow hard hats.

Stupid vermin.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0992

With MS, weakened muscles, awful balance and foot-drop can make standing & walking difficult.

Kinda like treading on marbles in Tyco’s “Ker-Plunk.”

Players pull out the sticks…one by one…causing the walking surface to shift & change…..

IMG_0993

…And before you know it, your butt meets the floor with a resounding “ker-plunk!”

So THAT’S how they came up with the name.

(I usually add several colorful expletives when I ker-plunk!)

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0997

Having a soft spot for pachyderms, explains my fondness for “Hungry Hungry Hippos” from Milton Bradley.

This game also makes a good example for an MSer.

Because with MS, you aren’t just dealing with one symptom–and one alone.  Heck, those with MS struggle with two, three, four even more all at once!

So you end up with numerous hippos (each representing a symptom of MS) trying to feast on your backside.

These hippos aren’t just hungry, they are “hungry-hungry.”  Sounds like a eating disorder to me.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0988

Probably the best example of a kid’s game relating to MS is Milton Bradley’s “Ants In The Pants.”

Geez, what MSer doesn’t have the creepy-crawly feelings going up & down their arms and legs?

We don’t need to flip ants into our pants….They’re already in there!

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_1001

Finally, you can describe the “Why me?” feeling of MS with Parker Brother’s game of “Monopoly.”

Sometimes when you are having a rough day and nothings going right…it can feel like landing on “Boardwalk”, complete with hotels….and now’s time for you to pay the rent.

IMG_1003

….Oh, and did I mention the iron was hot?

Does a particular game describe YOUR medical condition?

If so, it’s your turn to roll and make a play with a comment.

Otherwise, this game is over.

sock

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9. August 2014

2 Comments

Sky Mall & The Stuff You Can’t Live Without.




Next to the vomit bag.

Next to the vomit bag.

One frill of flying is the opportunity to peruse the latest issue of Sky Mall.

Available on all airliners, Sky Mall is the complimentary catalog of products that are eclectically odd.  Things you don’t need & wildly overpriced.

Strangely though, flipping the pages, one feels a sudden, overwhelming urge of “I must haves.”

Maybe it’s the fact you are crammed in a pressurized MRI tube, 35 thousand feet in the air, dependent on the oxygen pumped into the cabin at whatever rate the airline feels is economically feasible and near life-sustaining!



That’s gotta be the reason because inside a Sky Mall catalog—you’ll find some goofy sh%#!!



Airline pillow



Like the Skyrest, a portable, huggable body pillow.

Just imagine this guy on the aisle while you’re in the middle seat.

You’ve had a full bladder since Des Moines and now you must wake Rip Van Winkle so you can get to the head.


At $29.95, let’s hope Skyrest can double as a flotation device.





Dog Raincoat



Need a doggy raincoat?  Sky Mall has’em.

The caption reads “Don’t let your pet get wet.”

Hey, here’s an idea, save some money by not walking poochie in the rain!


Imagine trying to put one of these on a pitbull.

It’s no wonder some dogs bite their owners!




Make sure the padding's toward the back!

Make sure the padding's toward the back!



Hmm, my butt sags no more thanks to the Leo Men’s Padded Butt Enhancer Brief.


It is described as having  “removable contour padding and a special design to lift your butt.”


“Breathable” as well–that’s important for those of us with stuffy asses!






A Yeti or me without my shirt?

A Yeti or me without my shirt?



For the garden, how about a life-size Bigfoot statue.

Eh, who needs a scarecrow when you have a Yeti!


The six foot tall statue comes with a larger than life-sized price tag of $2,250.


I can think of 2,250 ways to spend that kind of dough…and not one of them involved a garden Yeti!






Easter Island




If the Yeti is just too weird for your taste, maybe you need a replica Easter Island statue.


The captions reads…”Moai is an interesting conversation piece.”

Yeah, I can hear the conversation…”You bought this piece of crap?  What were you thinking?”


Even the kid in the ad is so ashamed, he’s pointing to the moving vehicle he’s about to throw himself in front of.




I usually grill in total darkness.

I usually grill in total darkness.



For the moron grillmaster is this battery-powered Grillight.


Wouldn’t it be easier (and cheaper) to move the grill closer to the porch light?


Heck, why not simply wear a miner’s helmet?  In fact. even a miner thinks the Grillight is a dumb idea.






Comes with its own Visine.

Comes with its own Visine.


Who wouldn’t want a Winky Cross Body Bag of their very own.

The 3-D eye on the bag blinks while you walk.

How ridiculous is this?

I can tell that’s not my eye on the bag–it’s not bloodshot enough!

This product is unique, I’ll give then that, but not $39 dollars worth unique.



Looking spiffy!

Looking spiffy!



Lastly, shield yourself from pests (and other humans at social functions) by wearing this hooded, zip-up mosquito jacket.


It’s pretty extreme, just where is this going…the jungles of Tanzania?


If the skeeters are so bad I need something like this–I’ll just go inside!


The jacket is said to “shield the skin from mosquitoes without the use of harmful and malodorous chemicals.”

Honestly, if I had my druthers, I’d rather wear the “harmful and malodorous chemicals!





That wraps up some of the fine items from the latest issue of Sky Mall.

See anything you fancy?


If you want to place an order…or see more fascinating products, visit SkyMall.com.

All major credit cards (stolen or otherwise) are accepted.

Happy shopping.

sock

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4. August 2014

Comments Off

Surface Tension




surface tensionSurface tension is defined as the tendency of the surface of a liquid to resist an external force.


In Odd Sock’s world, that means we can’t walk on water because the weight of our big butt is more than the water surface can support.



But in the world of multiple sclerosis, surface tension is a whole ‘nother ball game.

Yep, when you have MS, “surface tension” is the constant awareness, worry, concern, alert, vigilance, fear & attention to your every step.  Careful caution is required with each foot fall or your ungraceful, tentative gait.

The slightest deviation in grade, latitude, pitch, tilt, slant, slope or seemingly, the rotation of the Earth can throw an MSer off kilter.

And if you have MS-related foot drop, walking gets even more perilous.


Some of my favorite “surface tension” causing surfaces include…


Friggin mow why don't you!

Friggin mow why don't you!


Grass

I dread walking on grass—even with a rollator.

Tall grass (like my yard) is worse.

In fact the only good thing about walking in grass…is a soft surface to catch my fall!






Stone me to death, please!

Stone me to death, please!


Stones

Great for the Roman’s to use for building fortresses, but difficult for one with MS to go-go with any mo-jo.


David brought down Goliath with a single stone.  A walkway of loose stones can bring down an entire support group of MSers!





The Three Little Pigs built a house of bricks, not a sidewalk!

The Three Little Pigs built a house of bricks, not a sidewalk!



Bricks

The same with bricks.

With corners & uneven edges, a brick walkway is a hazardous hell for those with MS.






Don't tread on me!

Don't tread on me!



Cobblestones

Cobblestones are rarely found in the U.S., but are quite common in jolly ol England.

I only mention them because while being pushed in my wheelchair over cobblestones causes my body to have a complete, head-to-toe spasm.  It’s not a pretty sight so I prefer to avoid them at all cost.



Ooof, it's a long haul.

Ooof, it's a long haul.



Uphill

Walking uphill can be tough for anyone, but even the slightest incline and this odd sock struggles.


Going uphill forces my “poop-stoop” forward lean to be even more pronounced.

Stand up straight you goof!



Ah Oh, downhill beckons.

Ah Oh, downhill beckons.


Downhill

If walking uphill is difficult, walking downhill is absolutely terrifying.

Quite possibly the scariest hike on can take, going downhill is a constant struggle to maintain balance & sanity.

Whether using canes or a rollator, a downhill trek is scarier than your first experience entering an MRI.




Others…


IMG_1459



Whatever these are!




firewalking



Walking on hot coals.

Then again, don’t have much feeling in our feet!



walking on broken glass



Walking on broken glass.





Walking with multiple sclerosis can be difficult enough.

But add a facade of grass or bricks or stones or bumps and you get real surface tension.

Keep walking…carefully!

sock

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29. July 2014

3 Comments

Smile & Say Cheese




Smile!

Smile!


Taking photos has been the long standing way of capturing memories and good times.


Who doesn’t enjoy looking through old photo albums or diving into a box of loose pictures to relive special places, holidays, family, friends and shared moments.


Today, most cell phones feature built-in cameras, so even more photos are being taken.




This is fine if you’re not camera shy or look like Cindy Crawford.  Some folks always seem to look good in every photo….while the rest of us odd socks struggle at having our picture taken.


Examples….


Captain of the cranial team

Captain of the cranial team





A young Brad Pitt I am not.

(Nice haircut Eddie Munster!)





Dummy





Here the dummy looks better than I do.

(I think the dummy is about to slap me with his hand.)





That being said, throw multiple sclerosis into the camera frame and things get even more uncomfortable when having your picture taken.


The reason I mention this was some time spent recently looking at the images on a family member’s digital photo frame.


Digital picture frameIn every pic of myself, I was standing with my canes, desparately trying to find my balance before the shutter clicked.


It was obvious I was present in every moment–but not really.  Am I making sense?


Other photos, I saw myself rolling around in my wheelchair.   In group shots, everyone else stood while I got rolled in front like a fern.




Having MS is certainly not how I want to remember an occasion.  But in photographs it is often the first thing I notice.

My Dad, who was used oxygen the last seven years of his life, always removed his breathing piece before having a picture taken.

Now I understand why.

Hiding a wheelchair isn’t as easy though.  Suppose I could throw a blanket over it, hoping people will think it’s a recliner!

I’ll work on that.

How do you feel about your MS in photographs?  Are you accepting?  And comfortable?  Or do you have similar feelings like me?

Oh well, guess I’ll just have to grin & bear it the next time the photo bug strikes.  Smile & say cheese…and hope I don’t have broccoli in my teeth.

sock

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24. July 2014

2 Comments

Brain Drain #12

Can’t get enough of Brain Drain?  Enjoy this Best Of #12


DrainIt has been a looong winter–too long to be cooped up inside!

The same can be said of a few topics inside the pea-brain of My Odd Sock.

Time for a Brain Drain.  Time to flush out the poisons.

Let’s get started…..

So Stuck-I’m Stupid

stuck in Ohio

These “Stuck in Ohio” stickers have popped up in the rear-windows of cars like dandelions on my summer lawn.

So does my blood pressure when I see one!

“How pompous” I thought.  “Stuck in Ohio?  Ohio’s not so bad.  I’ve lived here all my life!”  I huffed & puffed, “if you hate it so much here in Ohio–MOVE!”

Yeah, where ya gonna go…..Indiana?   Ha Ha–jerks!

I was spitting nails.

Then in my research for this writing, I discover “Stuck in Ohio” isn’t a statement of discontent.  “Stuck in Ohio” is actually a group of film producers “who specialize in pop culture, board sport lifestyles and music video production.”  Creative folk…ah, stuck in Ohio.

Sorry S.I.O. for my quick-tempered judgement—I’m just a cranky old man.

Let me hike my pants above my belly-button and shuffle away in shame.

Let’s move on…..

Golden Words

Here are two print ads I thought were interesting.

Friendly'sIn this advertisement for Friendly’s Restaurants, they offer the “guilt-free Happy Ending Sundae.”

Now, I may be wrong but the term “happy ending” has usually been associated with sleezy, adult massage parlors.

Friendly’s thought it was such an important marketing gimmick, they trademarked the phrase!

Honestly, I don’t believe ANYONE in the business world was lining up to make these words their own!

Next.

Old Navy

What?  Has Old Navy got out of shilling the cheap t-shirts that are trashed after one washing…and entered the illegal baby trade business?

Folks spend thousands of George Washingtons on fertility treatments.  Some travel to the ends of the earth to adopt a child.  Who knew I could go to my local Old Navy pick up some cargo pants and get a child as low as five dollars!

That’s where they get you…..”from $5 dollars.”

Do you suppose the ones who are potty-trained are MORE expensive?

Moving along….

Miner Forty-Niner

Gold RushQuite possibly the dumbest new TV show has to be the Discovery Channel’s “Gold Rush.”

This group of bearded mental giants believe they will achieve fortune by building a “gold-panning” operation in Alaska.  Trouble is, they have invested hundreds of thousands of dollars and so far have panned for only a palm-sized cache of AU.  In fact, I have more gold in the fillings of my teeth than these ZZ Top look-alikes have uncovered!

ZZ Top

You know, I haven’t seen of heard of ZZ Top in ages.  Maybe the Gold Rush guys are ZZ Top minus the shades!

Save panning for gold for the people vacationing the western tourist traps…and save your eyes from watching “Gold Rush.”

Phew, is spring here yet?  I hope it gets here soon or else my head will explode!

That does it for this Brain Drain.  Feel free to unload your cranial baggage with a comment if you wish.  Till next time.

sock

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