15. September 2014

5 Comments

Two Feet Forward

IMG_1713   

In previous posts, I’ve made it clear that having multiple sclerosis makes even the simplest tasks most challenging.

That’s one reason why I’m given the ‘two minute warning” before my family is about to leave.  The early warning gives me an extra couple of minutes to get my mojo in motion.  Why?…because species evolve faster than I move!  

 

 

So today I would like to tell you about another of those simple challenges, and that is….clipping my toenails. For you, a trim of the toenails is a quick couple of snips and you’re done.  But for me, and those with MS, “cuttin the claws” can be a huge undertaking!  (Maybe that’s one reason I let them grow till they “clickety-clack” on the hardwood floor.)  

 

 

The Tools

It’s been said ” a craftsman is only as good as his tools.”  Whereas you may be able to use those cute little fingernail

clippers—they’re just way too fiddly for my fumble-some fingers. The muther of clippers.   That’s why I use the biggest, baddest mondo clippers on the market. 

The Ringling Brothers use these baby’s to trim the nails of the pachyderms!

And I love’em because these clippers “catch” the flying nail shrapnel.  You see, my toenails are thick like a heavy slice of onion and as hard as an oyster shell.  Why I’ve seen my flying toenail bits impale themselves into oak cabinetry—like podiatry Ninja throwing stars!

So if you are having trouble with this portion of personal hygiene, I suggest getting a pair of these gems.  They are heaven!  

 

 

The Process

 

 

I generally do my pedicure work in one central construction zone. IMG_1711

My area of choice is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, bending forward at the waist to clip my nails. The ergonomic problem with this is balancing my middle age ass, Olga Corbett style, along the four-inch balance-beam rim that is, the side of my tub. 

Of course, my exaggerated leaning forward body posture produces a self-induced Heimlich maneuver as my thighs compress my gut.  I’ll snip between “urps!”

 

 

When you add it up… MS’s lack of balance, weakened, fumble-fingers, fatigue, yada-yada-yada…you can see the simple things in life are a bit more challenging.  Our job is to use our noggins to figure out the best way to persevere. And we do…..two gnarly feet at a time. sock

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9. September 2014

3 Comments

Diminishing Skills

 

 

IMG_1472

 

 

Diminishing skills is a term often used to describe an aging athlete.

Someone past their prime.

A person who may still show occasional flashes of renown, but nothing close to that of their past would be described as having diminishing skills.

 

 

 

 

But when you think about it, diminishing skills could also be used to describe those of us with MS or some other yucky disease.

 

Over time your diagnosis may have stolen some or most of your key abilities or function.

 

 

The Funny Meter.  Lovely.

The Funny Meter. Lovely.

 

 

Oh, of course the Funny Meter has to rear its ugly head when I’m making a serious point.

 

Please leave us alone.

You have a whole new season of TV shows to criticize.

Go watch an episode of ABC’s “Blackish”–that looks like a keeper.

 

 

 

Now, back to the post.

 

The reason for this topic was a recent conversation I had with someone.

He asked if I was still working out, to which I replied “Yes, four to five times a week.”

Next he asked if I had lost any strength over time due to MS…”Could you still bench 120 pounds?”

“Nah” I said “I might only put 10 or 20 pounds on the bar, but that’s it.”

 

 

Phew.  Me taking a break between sets.

Phew. Me taking a break between sets.

 

 

 

And that got me thinking.

Has my body begun to fail me?

What the heck.  I’m working out more than ever, but yet my body is getting weaker.

.What gives?

 

 

 

I asked an Occupational Therapist and a med school resident the same question.

Together, they explained that the MS is robbing my muscles of the signals to fire.

The OT continued to explain saying as an example, a particular muscle may have 1,000 potential units available to work.  But because MS is disrupting the signal from my brain to the muscle, it may only be using 500 units.

Thus, you are weaker.

“That also explains the atrophy of your legs” she added.  “Because your muscles are working less–they begin to shrink.”

 

Skinny legs

 

have noticed my legs getting way thinner over the years.

Much different from when I was able to run.

Geez, now I have hairy, girlie legs.

I could be an Amish model.

Spiders look at me with envy.

 

 

 

 

You probably already know all this about MS.  I may have had it explained to me before as well.

Sometimes you have to hear it a second time before it actually sinks into my lesion-filled brain

 

How have you dealt with the diminishing skills of MS?

Has it been hard to accept?  How do you cope?

 

Diminishing skills are just part of the acceptance process of multiple sclerosis.

I’m 18 years into my MS relationship and I’m still grieving on it everyday.

Maybe at some point we’ll reach a compromise.

sock 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4. September 2014

1 Comment

One Dedicated Worker

 

 

Have you heard the one about the Americans being too afraid to take a day off work?

It’s no joke.

A recent survey conducted by a market research firm, polled over 1,300 workers to find that 40 percent of us don’t use all of our paid time off.

Never takes a vacation.  Never misses a day.

I know someone like that—or something.  You do as well.

It’s MS.

 

Looks like a busy day.

Looks like a busy day.

 

My dang MS hasn’t taken a day off in years!

 

Multiple sclerosis works harder than a third-world child laborer in a Nike shoe factory.

 

It is going, going, going.  Nonstop.  24/7.

 

 

 

 

The twitching.  The muscle spasms.  The wispy, tickling feeling.  The over-active bladder.  The mental lapses.  The fatigue.

Stop me before I drone on more.

 

My point is, multiple sclerosis is so actively productive, it makes WWII’s German labor camps seem like a bunch of slackers.

 

Will return

 

My MS didn’t take any time off to recognize my recent birthday.

 

Nor did it relax during the Labor Day holiday.

 

Weekends?  Pfft.

 

Overtime?  Damn straight!

 

My MS never stops working.  It’s an Energizer Bunny on steroids.

 

And I must give MS credit where credit is due.

MS is determined to do what it wants to do.  To reek, wreck & destroy.

 

MS ALWAYS wins this honor!

MS ALWAYS wins this honor!

 

 

Which is even more reason for you to fight back with a vengeance.

 

Follow your treatment plan, whatever that may be.

Stick to a healthy diet.  (Remember, you don’t put crap gasoline in your car, so why put it in your body.)

Move.  Stretch.  Reach.

Exercise those muscles best you can.

And don’t forget your brain.  Read, count & remember.

 

 

Yep, multiple sclerosis is one dedicated worker.

MS checks in early and never clocks out.

But you’re a pretty tough cookie yourself.

Show MS who’s the boss.

sock

 

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30. August 2014

3 Comments

Help (hic) Wanted

 

Newspaper help wanted

Are you searching for a new opportunity?

Greater challenges?

More pay?

Not just a job, but a career?

 

For those who answered “Yes,” the newspaper’s Help Wanted section of the classified ads, may be the first place to turn.

 

 

But here is an example of the

World’s Worst Help Wanted ad…….

 

Though I Help Wanted 2have watched the movie “Smokey and the Bandit” and once owned a CB radio, I have never been employed as a truck driver.

 

That being said, I am still intelligent enough NOT to include the word “Loaded” in an ad to recruit new drivers!

 

If “Loaded” was the best word they could come up with…just imagine what words DIDN’T make the cut!

 

Hammered

Wired

Tanked

Gassed

 

Using “Loaded” to describe a job as a truck driver would be similar to using “Addictive” to define work at a pharmacy!

 

If you are interested, please text for more information.  

And for God’s sake, let’s hope you aren’t texting while driving!

 

 

 

 

sock

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22. August 2014

3 Comments

Last Minute Back To School Shopping

Back to School

 

Many of our students are back in the classroom, but that doesn’t mean it’s not too late to pick up those ridiculous items retailers think we can’t do without.

 

And who better than My Odd Sock to point out the dumbest products you’ll never need.

 

Let’s get started and not waste another moment of class time!

 

 

 

Beard Shirt

 

JCPenney clocks in with this spiffy shirt.

 

 

It’s perfect for those pre-pubescent lads who dream of bearded bliss.

 

 

Honestly, the end of the whole Duck Dynasty/Unibomber look can’t get here quick enough for me.

 

 

With clothing designs like this, is it any surprise JCPenney is hemorrhaging for customers?

 

 

 

 

 

Don't look at the red dot!

Don’t look at the red dot!

 

Next we have Ikea hawking this ominous looking table lamp.

 

I think if I stare at the red dot long enough, this lamp would command me to kill.

 

Doesn’t this look like something from a Disney/Pixar movie?

 

Like it or hate it, this lamp is erie odd.

 

Let’s move on.

 

 

Stool Lamp

 

 

Quite possibly the dumbest item of the season belongs to this LED Stool Lamp, also from Ikea.

 

It’s a lamp.  And a stool.

 

You know, I’m a big fan of light for reading, watching TV or using a computer….but I really don’t need something to illuminate my ass.

 

Much less, spend an evening sitting on a burning light bulb.

 

Novel idea for tying ones shoes, but not $70 bucks novel!

 

 

 

 

 

 

BaCKPACK

 

Here you go, just what all students need.

A backpack…..with spikes!

 

What is this?  Bully proof?

 

 

The police could use this backpack like spike strips to throw under the tires of a fleeing vehicle.

Sorry, but if this is considered “fashion”, I’m even more comfortable being an old “fuddy-duddy.”

Next please….

 

 

 

Couch

Let’s head back to Ikea to check out this technicolor loveseat.

 

Wow, the colors in this design!

Nothing promises to throw you into a seizure faster.

Rainbows are envious.

They don’t have that many fluorescent colors in the highlighter display at Office Max.

Even hippies think it’s too tripped out.

 

Moving along…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bed Cups

 

My favorite store, Bed Bath & Beyond checks in with these Red Cup Bed Lifts.

 

Nothing like reminding young underage drinkers not to forget the infamous red Solo cups for this weekend’s big beer pong competition.

 

“Hmm, I could use them to create space…OR, play a drinking game.”

 

After a night of drinking, use two cups to elevate the head of your bed to avoid choking on your own vomit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dog Bed

Meanwhile, the strangest item in Bed Bath & Beyond’s back to school circular has to be this doggy bed.

 

First of all, what does this have to do with back to school?

 

Just because you photoshop a graduation cap onto the pooch’s head does NOT make this school related.

 

Have you ever seen a dog wearing a mortarboard?  Unless it went to obedience school that is….graduated at the top of its litter.

With honors…”Sitta Come Lay-down.”

 

Probably got an “A” because it was humping the teacher’s leg.  (I’m speculating, of course.)

 

 

 

 

Lastly, because young minds need to start their day with a nutritious breakfast, Walmart offers savings on these popular morning favorites….

 

Breakfast Items

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mmm, Fiber One Bars…Cheerios with protein…Pillsbury Toaster Strudel and…..Totino Pizza Rolls!

Pizza Rolls are probably the breakfast of choice if you’re the one buying the Red Cup Bed Lifts!

 

Happy shopping everyone.  Enjoy the school year!

 

sock

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16. August 2014

6 Comments

Games Your MS Will Play

Let’s play this My Odd Sock one more time.  Please enjoy!


When coping with multiple sclerosis, you can learn a lot about your disease by simply looking in the toy closet.

At least I did anyway.

The board games you played as a kid can provide you with a better understanding of MS.  In particular, things like what you are thinking…and what you are feeling.

These silly kids games also can help explain your MS to others.

Let’s play and we shall see….

IMG_0990

In Milton Bradley’s “Don’t Break The Ice,” a player tries to stay up on a slippery surface as blocks all around are crumbling downward.

Whick block shall we knock out next?  And will our whole world tumble if we choose the wrong one?

Sounds familiar.  In MS, we question if we are making the best decisions for our health, the correct meds, doing the right thing.  And we worry should the blocks collapse.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0995

Sometimes with MS or any chronic disease, it seems like you get walloped over the head no matter what you do.

That explains why these moles in “Whac-A-Mole” by Toy Biz are wearing yellow hard hats.

Stupid vermin.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0992

With MS, weakened muscles, awful balance and foot-drop can make standing & walking difficult.

Kinda like treading on marbles in Tyco’s “Ker-Plunk.”

Players pull out the sticks…one by one…causing the walking surface to shift & change…..

IMG_0993

…And before you know it, your butt meets the floor with a resounding “ker-plunk!”

So THAT’S how they came up with the name.

(I usually add several colorful expletives when I ker-plunk!)

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0997

Having a soft spot for pachyderms, explains my fondness for “Hungry Hungry Hippos” from Milton Bradley.

This game also makes a good example for an MSer.

Because with MS, you aren’t just dealing with one symptom–and one alone.  Heck, those with MS struggle with two, three, four even more all at once!

So you end up with numerous hippos (each representing a symptom of MS) trying to feast on your backside.

These hippos aren’t just hungry, they are “hungry-hungry.”  Sounds like a eating disorder to me.

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_0988

Probably the best example of a kid’s game relating to MS is Milton Bradley’s “Ants In The Pants.”

Geez, what MSer doesn’t have the creepy-crawly feelings going up & down their arms and legs?

We don’t need to flip ants into our pants….They’re already in there!

*          *          *          *          *

IMG_1001

Finally, you can describe the “Why me?” feeling of MS with Parker Brother’s game of “Monopoly.”

Sometimes when you are having a rough day and nothings going right…it can feel like landing on “Boardwalk”, complete with hotels….and now’s time for you to pay the rent.

IMG_1003

….Oh, and did I mention the iron was hot?

Does a particular game describe YOUR medical condition?

If so, it’s your turn to roll and make a play with a comment.

Otherwise, this game is over.

sock

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