Well, you’ve made it halfway through the school year.

But before you can enjoy the holiday break, you must take the dreaded MS Midterm Exam.

Let’s hope you’ve paid attention during your doctor’s visits.  Studied up with Momentum magazine and the other outstanding online MS resources.  And of course, kept up-to-date with the usual brain-numbings from My Odd Sock.

With that, you may begin the My Odd Sock MS Midterm Exam……

Question #1

The celebrity/singer pictured here is:

A)  Miley Cyrus

B)  Myelin Cyrus

C)  Crazy Chick

D)  Harriet Nussbaum

E)  Both A & C

Question #2

Forrest Gump’s shrimping boat was named:

A)  Jenny

B)  Biogen

C)  Genetic Disorder

Question #3

Which answer best represents your visit to the mall:

A)  Restroom, Macy’s, restroom, Old Navy, restroom, Kohl’s, restroom.

B)  Food court visits & samples from Panda House, Sbarro, Mrs. Field’s, Wok & Talk and Deli Belly followed by a long visit to the restroom.

C)  Screw it.  I’ll stay home and shop online.

Question #4

CCSVI is:

A)  A controversial treatment for MS.

B)  The Roman numeral of this year’s Super Bowl.

C)  The title of the new crime-drama on CBS.

Question #5

This symbol describes:

A)  Patients in need of knee-replacement surgery.

B)  MSers suffering with issues of bladder control.

C)  Customer reaction after eating Taco Bell’s “Beefy Cheesy Burrito.”

Question #6

Aubagio is:

A)  An oral MS medication.

B)  A tangy cooking spice.

C)  A popular recreational vehicle.

Question #7

Pictured to the right is:

A)  A doctor’s best tool for neurological diagnosis.

B)  Brain scans of a person with multiple sclerosis.

C)  The show opening for “The Brady Bunch–Head Trauma.”

D)  Both A & B.

Question #8

The familiar adage “Two steps forward, one step back” can be interpreted as:

A)  One’s up & down journey through everyday life.

B)  Today’s hot new dance move.

C)  An MSer’s gait on an uneven surface.

D)  Both A & C.

Question #9

This diagram depicts:

A)  A disabled person using a ramp.

B)  An elder Evel Knievel sizing up his next jump.

C)  A hilarious accident about to happen on “America’s Funniest Video’s.”

Question #10

This picture is:

A)  A shirtless Mayor Rob Ford.

B)  A police officer training an attack dog.

C)  What an MSer should wear for injury protection from falls.

D)  All of the above.

Question #11

True or False:

“RRMS” “SPMS” “PPMS” and “PRMS” are the sounds Grandpa makes as he sleeps in his chair.

*     *     *     *     *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *

If you stayed awake long enough to read this time-waster—you’ve passed!  Congratulations!

You may now enjoy your holiday break.

Thanks for reading (and testing) My Odd Sock.

Ah, tis the holiday season.

The lights.  The trees.  The tinsel.

Every where you look, one must love the festive atmosphere.

Even here at the My Odd Sock corporate office, every room is decorated in Christmas splendor.

That fact came to my realization just yesterday, as I tried to use the company facility (bathroom).

My simple task was to empty my seemingly thimble-sized bladder.

That’s when I noticed, there, staring at me from atop the toilet, was a smerking snowman.

“What are you looking at, Frosty?” I said.

It was grinning at me with a smile from cherub cheek to cherub cheek.

Watching me.  Staring at me with its two little eyes of coal.

“Can a guy have some privacy please?”

But it was too late.

The snowman’s icy stare caused my flow to freeze up like a water line in Alaska.

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” I said to myself.  ”I’ll use the other bathroom.”

So, up the stairs I went in search of a little privacy.

But before I could settle in for a long Winter’s pee, there was Santa Claus, on the lid, laughing at me!

WTF!!

I tried & tried to go, but could only hear Santa “Ho Ho Hoing” in the background.

Even the goofy toys he held in his arms were laughing at my shy bladder!

Saint Nick?…More like Saint Prick, you SOB!!

Now,  clear thinking people would simply cover the figures with a towel.

But nooo, My Odd Sock had to seek revenge!

“There, Mr. Snowman, whatdya think of this?”

“Twelve hundred watts of hair-drying, snow-melting heat!”

“Yeah, where’s your friend Karen when you need her now, huh?”

And the laughing Santa?

I got him!

“Here, Santa, how ’bout a toilet bowl baptism for Rudolph!”

“Who’s smiling now, Mr. Claus?”

Oh my.

Maybe next year we need to rethink decorating the bathrooms.

Either that or sending me away for a professional evaluation.

Hope you enjoy this previously soiled My Odd Sock!

My Odd Sock working on blog

So you want to write about your MS in a blog?  That’s great!  What you’ll need to do first is think of a unique name for your blog and register it as a domain name with a company like Go Daddy.com.  (Yes, I hate Go Daddy’s sleezy TV commercials too, but they are a legit company with professional service & sound advice!)

Your domain name is like having a storefront on the Main Street of the Internet.

And Go Daddy makes it easy by telling you instantly if your preferred name is already taken–or if it is available to secure as your very own!  They even recommend domain names similar to your preferred choice.

My Odd Sock wants to lend you a hand, helping you find that uniquely, perfect domain name!

So let’s get started…..

Multiple Sclerosis.com…..is Taken.

Free Multiple Sclerosis.com…..is Available (But who would want it!)

Find A Cure For MS.com…..is Taken.

Living With MS.com…..is Taken.

I Have MS.com…..is Taken.

but, I Hate My MS.com…..is Available!

MS Sucks.com…..is Taken.

But these alternatives are offered:

MS Sucks Now.com…..Available.

Mississippi-Sucks.com…..is Available. (If you’ve ever been to Mississippi, you’ll agree this is true, but it’s not MS related!)

Avonex.com…..is Taken.

but, Avon-Ex-Wife.com…..is Available.

Rebif.com…..is Taken.

Jam A Needle In My Butt.com…..is Available.

MRI.com…..is Taken.

Get Me The Hell Out Of This Tube.com…..is Available.

Myelin Sheath.com…..is Taken.

Myelin Sheath Like Swiss Cheese.com…..is Available.

I Walk Like I Am Loaded.com…..is Available.

but, Walk Like Frankenstein.com…..is Taken!

Thankfully, Promenade Like Frankenstein.com…Saunter Like Frankenstein.com…& Stroll Like Frankenstein.com…..are all Available!

Mobility Aids.com…..is Taken.

but, Carload Of Mobility Aids.com…..is Available.

MS Fatigue.com…..is Taken. (You snooze–you loose!)

but, Too Tired To Pull Up My Socks.com…..is Available.

Foot Drop.com…..is Taken.

Scuff The Tops Of My Shoes.com…..is Available.

Bladder Problems.com…..is Taken.

meanwhile, Dribble On The Toilet Seat.com…..is Available.

Pee My Pants.com…..is Taken.

but the seemingly impossible Pee My Shirt.com…..is Available.

Lastly, Neurologist.com…..is Taken.

Waste Of Time.com…..is Taken.

and, No Answers.com…..is Taken.

…but, Hundred Dollars Per Office Visit.com…..is Available!

Good luck in choosing YOUR domain name.

I can’t wait to read your first blog post!

I’m busy stuffing my Thanksgiving turkey, so please enjoy this tired My Odd Sock rerun…..

After days of repeated requests, the My Odd Sock Investigative Team is proud to bring you an exclusive interview with…Multiple Sclerosis.

Never before has a disease been this candid!

You will not only hear but see actual photographs of MS in a rare, personal glimpse of life as an auto-immune disease.

We now take you to the “Q & A with MS”…..

MS, one cool disease

My Odd Sock- Thank you MS for the opportunity to speak to us.  First, I must say I am shocked to see that you are a guy!  MS affects so many more women than men, I assumed you would be a female…

MS- Yes, that is a common assumption.  I prefer to do my work with the ladies, but I’ll dabble with a man here and there.  I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity offender.  (Laughs & takes a long drag on a cigarette.)

My Odd Sock- You are one creepy man.

MS- Why thank you.

My Odd Sock- Your bio says you’ve had a lot of influences in your career.  Can you tell us about them?

MS- Yes, disease has been a part of my family for generations.  My Great-Great Grandfather was “Scurvy.”  My Uncle worked in the mines for years before he became known as “Black Lung.”  I have a sister, “Arthritis.”  And I am good friends with the “Cancer’s.”  A large family they are–spread out all over! (Laughs)

MS doing his hair

My Odd Sock- As MS, what has been your biggest victory?

MS- I have to say my crowning achievement has to be “bladder control” problems.  I mean, someone wetting themselves in the checkout line of the grocery always cracks me up!

My Odd Sock- Biggest disappointment?

MS- Probably not having my own TV telethon.  That “Muscular Dystrophy’s” got it going!

MS working out with a Thigh-Sizer

My Odd Sock- I mean, you have to be proud of the fact that all of these drugs are made in your honor!…

MS- Oh yeah, I’m fueling a big wave of dough for the drug companies–no doubt about that.  So I say to all your readers out there to keep jamming those needles in your butt…and think of me as your “pain in the ass.”  (Laughs)

My Odd Sock- What does MS do when he’s not reeking havoc & destroying dreams?

MS- Mmm, I love the sound of that question!  Actually, I enjoy word games and Sudoku.  Crafts, like tole painting, macrame.  And I needle point tissue box covers.

Hitting the badminton shuttlecock

My Odd Sock- …Hmm, classy guy.  TV?  What do you like to watch?

MS- I’m a big fan of “House” because the doctors there are never quite sure of the diagnosis.  Sound familiar?  (Laughs)

My Odd Sock- How about the big screen?  Do you like movies?

MS- Oh, of course.  I like the classics…”Andromeda Strain”…”Body Snatchers”…”Other Side of the Mountain” and my favorite is the story of Lou Gehrig.  Always makes me squeal with delight!  (Laughs)

MS at a birthday party

My Odd Sock- Well, that’s about all I can handle so I’ll say thank you MS for your time.  It’s been a real displeasure meeting you!

MS- No, Thank YOU My Odd Sock.  You are no Montel Williams!  But it was about as fun as a leg spasm.  (Laughs)

And with that MS was off in a whisper.  He plans to introduce himself into the lives of about 200 people this week and every week.  Yes, he is a busy, busy man.

We hope you have enjoyed this truly mindless interview and gained a thimbleful of perspective on your friend, Multiple Sclerosis.

Warning:  This post contains pictures that may

frighten young children.  Please “exercise” caution.

People workout for their pecs, abs, bi’s, tri’s, traps, delts, lats, quads, hammy’s & glutes—but they rarely exercise the muscles….of their face!

Did you know you have 43 muscles in your face just waiting to be used?

Instead, we let gravity take its toll by pulling & stretching our faces downward.

Skin sagging…till we begin to look less like ourselves—and more like Droopy Dog!

Forget all those age-reducing potions and the creamy-crap you smear on everyday.

Start looking younger from the inside out by toning up the muscles of your grill.

Exercising your face is goofy-fun, easy-to-d0 and even those of us with MS can do it!

I’ve put on my headband & 1980’s Gore-Tex running suit to show you how…..

A face only a mother could love.

Make your face rrreeeeaaaalll small.

Squeezing your eyes shut, pursing your lips like you are sucking a lemon.

He could catch a softball with that!

Then, make your face big.

Big as ever.

Eyes wide.

Mouth open (Watch for flies).

And do it over again several times.

It's exercise---NOT electrical shock treatments.

Make a face to your right.

Hope this is a "before" picture.

And then, take it to the left.

Do it again & again.

I've seen better looking faces in the Post office.

Wiggle your eyebrows.

Puff out your cheeks.

Crinkle your sniffer.

Smile big.

Smile bigger.

My driver's license photo.

Move your lips like you are making out with your favorite movie star.

(Mine is Clint Eastwood—maybe I’ll rethink that one!)

You can’t go wrong because ANY exaggerated movement is great for your face.

And you’ll feel instant results.

Your face will be tighter, firmer and toner (Wait, that’s not a word).

You can exercise your face in just two minutes.  And you can do it anywhere except in public where others may think you have a tick.

Get started now.  You will thank me later.

My gift to you.

Oh how the holiday’s sneak up on us!

Each year, it seems the retailers begin earlier & earlier to cram the thoughts of holiday shopping down our gullets.

And here at My Odd Sock, we’re no different!

That’s why I would like to share a few of my favorite gift ideas so far this holiday season…..

H.H. Gregg starts us off with this ad of mattress & exercise equipment…..ON THE SAME PAGE!

Now if given the choice between sleeping or working out…what will the majority of us prefer?

Hmm, let me guess.

Maybe they were thinking after exercise, people can collapse on their new Serta.

I don’t know, but I thought it was a strange combo of products.

Let’s move on…

Hey Five Below has Christmas Duct tape!

This must be a popular gift item in Alabama.

I don’t get it.

Kids-  ”Gee thanks Mom & Dad.  Always wanted our own roll of duct tape!

Dad-  ”Great Junior!  Now why don’t you go out there & tape up the bumper of the truck.”

Mom-  ”And I need some on the handle of my skillet.”

Kids-  (Cheering)…”Yea!!”

Next, we have the “Party Animal Dancing Pet Speaker.”

Gosh, who wouldn’t want this for Christmas.  And it’s only $24.99.

Why is the cat’s head a different color from its body?

And those squiggly lines…Are they suppose to represent the dancing…or does this cat have gas?

Doggone cute!

Speaking of pets, we all enjoy dressing our dog in adorable sweaters.

Never mind the beast is already wearing a fur coat.

Just look at this happy pooch.

Its face says..”Please don’t take me outside in this goofy thing.  What dog is gonna want to sniff my butt wearing this?”

It’s no wonder so many dogs attack their owners.

Wouldn’t you?

"Do You See What I See?...A Truck, A Truck."

Target offers this cool helmet camcorder.

It’s a great way to see what your kid sees…before they die.

Can’t say I would buy this expensive gadget for my kids, but from the expression on this boy’s face, I’d pay to see what’s about to happen!

That’s not a look of confidence.

Now THAT'S painful!

Finally, Aldi sells the Majik “Stick and Move Kickboxing Trainer.”

POW!!!

Oh my God, from the location of this kid’s kick, I’d say he won the fight!

Who is this kid..the next Chuck Norris?

The blue boxer will never be able to father children after this.

I can’t believe that kick is only worth five points.  You would think it would be at least double value!

Hope the kid cut his toenails—or else there could be even more carnage.

Well that does it for this edition of “My Odd Sock’s Early Christmas Gift Guide.”

Whatever is on your list, remember, the perfect gift is out there.

And with my help, we’ll find it together.

Happy shopping.