My Odd Sock

“Good grief,” says Charlie Brown during times of frustration.

If only grief was as simple as when Lucy pulls the football away and Chuck is about to give it a boot.

Unfortunately you and I know grief as a feeling we get in response to a personal loss we have experienced.

I bring this up as we were discussing grief during a recent MS group meeting.

Our leader spoke about grief and how it related to a member who had just passed away from “complications of multiple sclerosis.”

The leader also talked about how grief can be an emotional response to our own MS.  That we grieve at our loss of physical function, cognitive ability and so on.

Our group’s discussion about grief dredged up several personal experiences I thought I would share—thinking maybe you have a similar memory.

My strongest outpouring of MS grief happened three years ago at my son’s high-school cross-country meet.  Watching him run the wet, soggy course was magical.

He was doing something I had loved–and it occurred to me that we would never do it together.  I cried…I’m talking “Brian’s Song,” “Other Side of the Mountain,” “Where the Red Fern Grows” balled!  Luckily, it was raining in a torrential downpour and my tears were hidden behind the rain.

I realize now they were not only tears of pride—but also tears of grief.  A finality of what was and what never will be.

The Funny Meter

(Go away Funny Meter!)

I also experience a tinge of grief every time I see the phrase “complications of multiple sclerosis” in a newspaper obituary.

Even though I did not know the person who passed—a little bit of me dies too as I grieve their loss.  I feel as though I can relate in some way.  Have an understanding that a healthy person will never know.

I wonder…does a cancer survivor, someone with diabetes or heart disease feels the same way when they read an obituary of a person with a similar illness?  Like one of their own has moved on.

This is a dark subject, I know.

And I apologize as this topic is WAY beyond the usual yammering one finds on this site.  But sometimes the reality of MS goes beyond a pumpkin-headed kid shouting “Good grief!”

My Odd Sock jibberish

It is time to straighten up the “Topics” page of the My Odd Sock journal.

Time to clean up and clear out various bits & pieces of ideas and observations for your reading displeasure.

So, lend me a hand and we’ll get this done in no time.

C’mon…

Chevy Truck Ad

Have you seen the TV commercial for Chevy Trucks with the little boy?

He is driving home from work and encounters lots of obstacles including the family dog, bumpy roads and helping a lady who is stuck.

Welcome home, honey.

My favorite part of the ad is the shot of him arriving home and being greeted by his smoking hot wife, portrayed by a Laura Croft “Tomb Raider” doll.

(I wonder why he would ever leave the house!)

Favorite Gift

My favorite Christmas gift has to be hands down (no pun intended)….the “Ove Glove!”

In fact, I got TWO of them!

I love-ove-gloves!

My "Ove Gloves." Stylish AND versatile!

Great for baking muffins…..Not so necessary to shovel the driveway!

iPhone Fever

Not sure I understand all the hoopla over the new iPhone 4S with voice-activated response.

Have you seen the commercial where the kid asks his iPhone “Will it snow today?”  The iPhone then answers with a voice AND the weather forecast.

OK, that’s pretty sweet.  But I own an early prototype of this prognastic technology.

Let me show you…..

Magic 8 Ball always has an answer.

“Magic 8 Ball…Will it snow today?”

The 8 Ball silently responds..”As I see it, yes.”

There you have your answer.  (And NO two-year contract!)

Celebrity Look-A-Likes

Animal Planet’s “River Monsters” is hosted by Jeremy Wade, who travels the world in search of gruesome, scary-looking creatures that lurk in the waters below.

It is an awesome show, but Jeremy, who’s a well-weathered fella, sometimes looks scarier than the fish he is hunting!

"River Monster's" Jeremy Wade (right)

The Grinch

When Jeremy smiles, he looks like “The Grinch!”

Here is GOP candidate Mitt Romney…

…who reminds me of the actor Lyle Waggoner from movies & the “Carol Burnett Show.”

Finally, we have the fine journalist and host of NBC’s “Meet The Press”….

David Gregory

…David Gregory.

Sock Monkey

..and his look-alike…a Sock Monkey!

Not to be mean, but they DO look alike!

That clears up My Odd Sock’s Loose Ends.  How ’bout yours?

Have you ever had a fall that looked worse than what it was?

A spill that was ugly, yet graceful?

A tumble that was nimble, but awkward?

A fall where you escaped injury, but wished you could have been judged on your artistic & athletic recovery?

Well, My Odd Sock had one such fall recently. so cue the orchestra and let’s begin the show!…..

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to ABC’s….

  …”Falling With The Stars.”

I’m your host, Tom Bergeron along with my co-host Samantha What’s Her Name.

Tonight, we will hear about My Odd Sock’s unfortunate tumble which will then be judged & scored by our panel of experts.

Speaking of which, let’s meet our judges…

judge Alfredo Linguini

Working professionally with the “Vatican Dancers” and choreographer for the Chef Boyardee World Tour, here is Alfredo Linguini!

Welcome to “Falling With The Stars,” Alfredo.

“Thanka you Tomas!” Linguini replies.

judge Cassandra LaPointe

Next, she was a somba instructor for Arthur Murray when she became a Laker’s Girl!

Please welcome the lovely Cassandra LaPointe…

“It’s great to be here, Tom!” she says.

The bitter judge, Ian Foul

Finally, because all TV talent competitions have a crusty British judge…let’s welcome England’s Ian Foul…

“Yeah?  Up yours, you bloody wanker!” scoffs Ian.

OK.

My Odd Sock, it’s your turn.

The floor is yours, so to speak (the audience laughs).  Go ahead and tell us about your fall.

"Pole Dancer" Odd Sock & the pole

“Well, being that I have had MS now since 1996, my balance isn’t very good.  So, I’m in my basement in my stocking feet–which can be very slippery on a smooth surface–just ask any MSer!

I began to lose my balance and reached for the closest thing, which was the green pole you see in the picture.

Firmly holding the pole, my feet slipped out from under me and I began falling AND spinning around the pole like a Tetherball–MayDay ribbon–Female dancer(your choice) until I landed flat on my back on the floor, the back of my head hitting the concrete with a thud.

I laid there for a moment to regroup and make sure I was OK.  Then, I went on with my day.”

Ouch!  Thank you Odd Sock.

Let’s see what our judges think of your fall.

Alfredo…

Alfredo scores it a "10"

“It wasa saavy anda spectacular!  Ten!

Cassandra, how do you rate My Odd Sock’s fall?…

A "10" from Cassandra!

“Oh Tom, I was spellbound!  I give him a 10.”

Lastly, we hear from the cold cup of tea, Ian Foul.  Ian….

A "7" from the Brit

“Wha, no injury?  A bloody waste of me time!  I give it a “7″.

That’s 27 total points for My Odd Sock and it brings us to the end of our show!

Stay on your feet everbody and thank you for joining us on “Falling With The Stars!”

Good night!

My Odd Sock with the judges

It is like plunging the toilet.  Sometimes you just gotta do it.

And what better way to begin 2012 than with a clean slate….and an empty head!

So, I would like to drain the brain of some lingering nonsense from the previous year.

Shall we?

Let’s begin….

Work This 

 First, let me say I LOVE the creative process behind music, movies and television.  Therefore, I despise the sheer laziness of any “remakes”, and ABC’s sitcom “Work It” is just that.

“Work It” is a bold face rip-off of the 80’s sitcom “Bosom Buddies” which starred Tom Hanks & Peter Scolari.

The premise of “Work It” involves two unemployed guys who dress as women to work as pharmaceutical sales reps in an all-female workplace.  (Why is it, 90% of all drug reps & radio account executives are female?  Just curious.)  (Plus, what gives with an “all-female workplace?”  Isn’t that illegal?)

I have never watched “Work It” and I don’t intend to based on principle.  If you haven’t seen it, you better catch it fast because I guarantee “Work It” won’t be around for second shift!

Let’s move on…

Social Butterfly

Do you feel smothered by all the dating commercials on TV lately?

I saw an eHarmony commercial where the guy & girl were having drinks during their first meeting.

She says something like…”I read that people with smartphones have more sex.”  He replies..”I have a Droid.”

They snicker and he says..”Uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable?…I say Cha-Ching!

Wow, that’s interesting chat for the first date!  I wasn’t sure if this was a commercial for eHarmony…or “Skoreit!”

I’m yelling at the TV…Hey, what about those of us with a “Jitterbug?”

Then you have the ”Who’s looking for you” commercials for Mylife.com

The young girl giggles and says…”Seven people are looking for me?”

What they don’t tell you is two of them are bill collectors, two are identity thieves and three are serial rapists!

Seriously, Mylife.com is being sued as folks claim they were told “someone is looking for you,” then charged them for a list of fake names!

Who is looking for me?  I don’t want to know!

What’s next…

Do The Math

Mr. Clean...with Fabreze no less!

I was cleaning the bathroom using this bottle of “Mr. Clean with Fabreze.”

I admired the clean, fresh scent and the sparkling shine it left behind.

Then I noticed the sticker at the top of the bottle…

Get me the calculator!

What?  One 8Ooz bottle equals two 4Ooz bottles?  Since when?

Mr. Clean, do you take me for a fool?

Maybe your hair fell out because you smell chemicals all day, but most of us know “One 8Ooz bottle equals two 4Ooz bottles!”

Hey Mr Clean…Breaking news…one dollar equals four quarters!  One foot-long sub equals two six-inch Subway subs!

That explains why you are known as “Mr. Clean” and not “Mr. Math!

So much for “Brain Drain #15.”

Anything you need to get off your chest?  Spill your guts in a comment.  You’ll feel better beginning 2012 with a clearer mind.

Big bucket of "fear."

When you receive a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis–fear becomes a big part of the equation.

Fear of the unknown.  Fear of the future.

Will I be able to walk?  Will I be in a wheelchair?

But as time goes by, your fear subsides.  It doesn’t go away…it just lurks in the background, only to surface now and again when you have a weak, emotional moment.

Some 15 years after my dx, I realize my early fears have come true!  I can’t run.  I walk like Otis from “The Andy Griffith Show.”  I use a cane.  And a wheelchair.

With what appears to be nothing left to fear, I quickly recognize my greatest fear of all…..(No, not that Newty Gingrich wants to be president)…because of me, are my kids prone to get MS?

All of the literature says multiple sclerosis isn’t passed on by genetics.  Yet, the first question any doctor will ask is “Does anyone else in your family have MS?”

Holy crap!  What gives?

I would be devastated–absolutely crushed–mortified if my kids got MS because of my swell DNA.

And now I find myself closely watching them to notice any signs–any MS signal flares, that I experienced when I was their age.

My Odd Swami Sock

It’s crazy, I know.

As a parent, I want the ability to look into a crystal ball (or a snow globe as pictured) to see into the future for their welfare.

Then again, even if I could see into the future, there is nothing one could do to change it.

I suppose my “greatest fear” is nothing different than what any parent, who has been dx’d with a disease, worries about on their children’s behalf.

Let me ask you—Do you wonder about passing MS to your kids?

Have you found yourself looking for signs in their behavior that reminds you of MS?

It is my “greatest fear” after all these years.  Maybe yours too.

Throughout our great nation, citizens revolt.  Demonstrations reign.  Anger is vented by loud shouts of unfairness & inequality.

The majority (99%ers) versus the minority (1%ers) in a economic battle of David and Goliath.

I did not fully understand the deep meaning of these public outcrys.  Until just the other day when the vision of their dismay became clear.

I felt their pain.  My stomach churned.  My heart raced inside my chest.  I could feel the sweat on my back and wiped the dampness from my brow.

I squeezed the steering wheel even harder, hoping it would take my mind away from the obvious.

I was driving on a country road far from the demonstrations of people expressing their discontent.  Yet, the pain in my gut drew me close.

That’s when I saw it…..

The crescent moon of relief.

A Porta-Palace!

It was a vision of beauty.  And like the demonstrators, nothing could stop me now!

Not police in riot gear.  Not tear gas.  Not pepper spray.  Nor rubber bullets.

I was about to conduct my own demonstrative movement when I reached for the handle….

Aaaah, dammit!

Why couldn’t the state afford TWO Porta-Pots at this location!

Clearly, this is a battle between the “Haves” and the “Haves-To-Go!”

Hold it in, Gimpy!

(From the Beastie Boys song)…I have a right….to poooooooootty!

One percent or ninety-nine—I’ll give any percent for the person to clear outta this john, right now!

My Odd Sock is next!

Finally it was my turn.

And as I locked the door handle to reveal the “occupied” sign–the meaning of the demonstrations became clear…..Always travel with your own toilet paper, because the last person in here used it all up!  &%$#@!!