20. November 2014

7 Comments

Power Shopping

Feeling rather lazy, so please enjoy this rehashed My Odd Sock.  Cheers!

 

 

Life presents challenges.

But when you have multiple sclerosis, even the simple challenges can, at times, be mondo burdensome.  Or so I learned on a recent trip to the grocery store.

 

You see, typically I grocery shop for just a few items at a time—enough to fill one of those hand-held baskets I place on my lap while wheeling myself in my wheelchair.

 

Slow down Speed Racer!

 

 

But on this particular day, I needed to pick up more items than usual…thus my mission (should I choose to accept it) was using one of the store’s power chairs.

 

 

 

Well, you have to do what you have to do, so I climbed aboard and began hauling “snail’s-ass” through the aisles.

I say “snail” because this power cart was “continental drift” slow!

 

My Odd Sock in the driver's seat

 

 

Seriously, it moved so slow by the time I got to the check out line—my milk had expired!

 

This thing made Disney’s “It’s A Small World” seem like a thrill ride!

 

 

Yeah yeah I understand, they can’t have these things supercharged–but when you get hung-up on a squished grape on the floor in produce–you need more power, man!

 

 

That being said, it was time to finish my shopping and get out of there before I saw anyone I knew.

“Mr. Odd Sock, how are you?”

Too late.  It was a friend, who also has MS.

“I feel ridiculous using this cart” I said to her.  “It’s my first time.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad.  I’m happy for you” she responded.

 

 

My friends’ great attitude was a boost to my own sagging pride.  You see it has been a personal struggle of acceptance all the way in my 14 year slow dance with MS.  Each step was a fight—getting a parking pass, getting a foot brace, a wheelchair, cane, hand controls, yada yada yada.

My Odd Sock power shopping!

 

And climbing into the seat of that scooter was another hurdle I had to clear.

Because that’s what it’s about—clearing hurdles thrown in your way.  And whether you go through’em, around’em or over’em, the victory, small as it may be, is what life is all about.

 

 

“Sorry sir, this coupon has lapsed” said the cashier.

“Well it was good when I got here!”

Damm cart.

sock

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14. November 2014

1 Comment

Another My Odd Sock Turkey

 

turkey 1

 

 

Thanksgiving is just days away!

 

Which means you had better start preparing for your Thursday feast.

 

But just where do you begin?

 

Not to worry my friend as My Odd Sock shows you everything you’ll need to set a grand table that would make John Smith proud.

 

 

 

 

Be as beautiful as a squash.

Be as beautiful as a squash.

 

 

 

 

First and foremost, start the day with a refreshing beauty treatment using the Freeman Pumpkin Facial Peeling Mask.

 

 

Nothing brings out that orange skin tone any better!

(Note: This facial is not recommended for those with round faces)

 

Hey, make sure you get the “seed-free” blend.

 

Put a lighted candle in the back of your throat for that realistic Jack-O-Lantern look.

 

And remember, a dollop of Cool-Whip over each eye reduces puffiness!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not available at Yankee Candle.

Not available at Yankee Candle.

 

Next, a beautiful dinner table is perfectly accented with these “Flameless Battery Operated Candles.”

 

I guess these are made for those folks who just can’t handle the complexity of a real candle.

 

And it comes with a remote.  Just how many friggin remotes does one need around the house?

 

I can just hear the chaos…..

 

 

Grandpa:  (Yelling)…”What the?…I wanna watch the football game but I can’t get this damn Jap TV to work!”

You:  “Oh Grandpa, you silly-billy.  You’re trying to turn on the TV with the remote for my Flameless Battery Operated Candles!”

(Everyone laughs)

 

What’s next…..

 

 

Whoops!

Whoops!

 

 

OK, have you EVER spilled a glass of wine like this?

 

 

Let’s be brutally honest, the “Clear Chair Protector” isn’t for wine spills….it’s for those of us with leaky bladders!

 

 

You get a set of two for $9.99.  That’s all you need…Aunt Gert can sit on one chair and Uncle Morty can use the other.

No runs.  No drips.  No errors.

 

 

Now if we just had something to protect the sofa!

 

 

 

Weird carnival worker not included.

Weird carnival worker not included.

 

 

And a Thanksgiving celebration wouldn’t be complete without this lovely and tacky-ass “Ferris Wheel Cupcake Stand.”

 

Who doesn’t enjoy giving their pastries a thrill?

 

Was the creator of this garbage sitting around thinking…”I wish there was an amusement ride for my cupcakes.”

 

I wonder if the cupcake at the top ever throws-up on the one below?

 

This cupcake stand is $49.99.  I can think of a million things I would rather drop fifty bucks on than a ferris wheel for my cakes.

 

Oh, and notice this item is available “Online only.”

That’s great, because now you can save the embarrassment of carrying this item through the store to the check-out!

 

 

 

 

Lastly, we have….

 

This turkey has good veins.

This turkey has good veins.

 

Turkey chefs and heroin addicts alike will love this “Stainless Steel Flavor Injector.”

 

Don’t worry about sharing needles you guys ’cause the Flavor Injector comes with a needle for each of you!

 

Druggie #1:  “Hey man, did you hear about Blake, man?”

Druggie #2:  “No, what man?”

Druggie #1:  “He OD’d on turkey broth.  Fell face-first into his stuffing.”

Druggie #2:  (Freaking out)…”Oh, wow man.”

 

 

 

Well, time to get back to basting my bird.

I hope this turkey of a guide helps you have the best Thanksgiving ever!

Gobble gobble.

sock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Continue reading...

8. November 2014

1 Comment

Bathroom Innovation

Who says you can’t build a better mousetrap?

 

 

wet wipes

 

 

I haven’t been this excited about something new since the Wet Wipe!

(The Wet Wipe has changed the way millions of people tidy up after number two)

 

Being rather fastidious about my choppers, I’ve been an avid flosser for a long time now.

I became quite studied in knowing exactly how much floss I needed to expertly wind between my index fingers with the precision of a Persian rug weaver.

 

 

 

But as my MS has progressed…and my balance has gotten as meager as interest rates on a savings account, the two-handed attempt at flossing (or anything needing two hands has gone away like the leisure suit).

 

 

Either a dental flosser..or a bass guitar for a munchkin.

Either a dental flosser..or a bass guitar for a munchkin.

 

 

Well, thank the good Lord, the Tooth Fairy or whomever came up with the idea for the hand-held tooth flosser!

 

Now those who are balance impaired can floss with one hand while holding on with the other!

No more leaning forward and smacking your face on the mirror while you try to floss those back molars.

 

 

 

 

Ninja death implement.

Ninja death implement.

 

 

These little gems even come with this menacing, retractable plastic pick.

 

Not so sure how one would use this.

If you have something that large stuck between your teeth, maybe you should consider orthodontics—-or a liquid diet!

 

 

 

Teeth so large--beavers are envious.

Teeth so large–beavers are envious.

 

Best of all, the tooth flossers substantially reduce the amount of “floss fling.”

(“Floss fling” is the stuff that gets catapulted onto the bathroom mirror during the flossing process.)

 

So while I enjoy my newfound bathroom innovation, I encourage you to give them a try.

May the floss be with you.

 

 

sock

 

Continue reading...

4. November 2014

Comments Off

Twenty Things Not To Say To Someone With MS.

 

 

When you have multiple sclerosis, people say the darndest things.

Most comments we hear are spoken with honest concern.  But some speak with blatant ignorance.

 

I’ve made up this list of “Twenty Things Not To Say”, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you have heard these comments or something like them.

Enjoy…..

 

 

 

“Dang, it gets worse, then better, worse, then better.  Bet you wish MS would make up its mind.”

IMG_1497

 

 

“You are SO lucky.  Now you get all the up-close parking.”

 

 

“If you tell your boss, he might feel guilty and give you a raise.”

 

 

“My Aunt’s friend has MS.  I guess she’s bad, real bad.”

 

 

“I don’t want to sound ignorant, but you’re not contagious are you?”

 

 

“Wow, you must have really ticked Him off!”

 

 

IMG_1494

 

“When they put you on steroids, do you get all big & stuff?”

 

 

“Surely they’ll find a cure.  Maybe not in your lifetime–but someday.”

 

 

 

“I’ll bet MS is a great way to get out of obligations.  Wish I’d thought of that.”

 

 

“Has your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse left you yet?

 

 

“So do they have one of those sad telethons for MS?”

 

 

(To someone in a wheelchair)…”Well, think positive.  Look at the wear & tear you save on shoes.”

 

 

IMG_1493

“Starve a cold.  Feed a fever.  What do you do for MS…drink?”

 

 

Multiple sclerosis?  Why looking at you I wouldn’t guess you have a single, solitary sclerosis.”

 

 

 

“Have you got a wheelchair yet?  Those motorized ones are sweet!”

 

 

(To someone using forearm crutches)…”Last year I was on crutches for 3 days so I know exactly what you’re going through.”

 

 

“The way you walk, you should dress as a zombie for Halloween.”

 

 

“Sorry to hear about the MS.  Hey, you want to sell your snow skis?  I mean, you won’t be using them anymore, right?”

 

 

IMG_1495

 

“Cool, now you get MRI’s like the big-time athletes!”

 

 

“MS?  Oh you look fine.  Try one of those little energy drinks.  They’ll perk you up.”

 

 

 

Go ahead and share with us some of the silly things people have said to you.

I’m sure you’ve heard some doozies!

Till next time, keep moving.

 

sock

 

Continue reading...

30. October 2014

3 Comments

What’s Going On Here?

 

What's Going on Here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to answer the question on everyone’s mind….”What’s Going On Here?”

My Odd Sock presents five different pictures along with several descriptions of what may be happening in each picture.

Your task is to choose the summary that best describes “What’s Going On Here?”

 

Let’s get started…

 

 

woman water aerobics

Picture #1

 

What’s going on here?

 

A)  Amelia Earhart finally reaching shore.

B)  An MSer enjoying water aerobics.

or

C)  Someone should check the chlorine/Ph level of the pool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guy Boxing

Picture #2

 

What’s going on here?

 

A)  An MS patient warming up before his workout.

B)  A man waging war on multiple sclerosis.

or

C)  An MSer punching himself silly after getting no answers from his neurologist.

 

 

 

 

Woman on rollator

Picture #3

 

What’s going on here?

 

A)  Two friends chatting in the neighborhood.

B)  An MSer taking a break during a morning stroll.

or

C)  An MSer moments before screaming as she wildly careens out of control on a downhill freefall while seated on her rollator.  RIP.

 

 

 

Man and disappointed woman

Picture #4

 

What’s going on here?

 

A)  Man apologizes after spending savings on shit from QVC.

B)  An emotional scene from the latest Viagra commercial.

or

C)  An MSer learning Tecfidera treatments cost over 50 thousand dollars a year.

 

 

 

Woman yawningPicture #5

What’s going on here?

A)  A female reads My Odd Sock.

B)  A woman experiencing MS fatigue.

or

C)  A female MSer getting fatigued while reading My Odd Sock.

 

 

That’s all the time we have.

Join us again next time for more “What’s Going On Here?”

 

sock 

 

 

Continue reading...

25. October 2014

Comments Off

Haunted House Names You’ll Never See

 

 

Let's get scary!

Let’s get scary!

 

 

The halloween season brings out the scare in all of us.

 

That explains the popularity of haunted houses.  It seems every community has a haunted attraction that promises to frighten the wits out of everyone who dares to enter.

I love the names of these places.

 

 

Names like…Basement of the DeadFright FarmTerror TownFear FactoryInsanitariumField of ScreamsHouse of TormentMurder Mansion and the list goes on & on.

I get scared just reading them!

 

A terrifying name sets the tone for an awesome haunted house.

That being said, My Odd Sock would like to present “Haunted House Names You’ll Never See.”

A not-so-successful list of names that don’t make the cut.

Please feel free to add your own haunted names with a comment!

Now let’s not get frightened…

 

 

Carnival of Horrors

Plasma Panic Center

 

Dead Denny’s

 

The Mortal Minivan

 

Messy Teen’s Bedroom

 

 

Niles haunted House

Rectory Revoltion

 

Boo Breezeway

 

Putrid Porta-Pot

 

DMV Deadzone

 

Murder Mudroom

 

The Unnerving Nursery

 

Thrillvania

Rotten Produce Department

 

Quick-Lube Quarantine

 

 

Wimp Wake

 

Frightful Food Court

 

Fright Farm

 

Telemarketing Terror

 

Lane Bryant

 

The Livid Lounge

 

Airport Terror Taxi

 

Fear Factory

Applebee’s Asylum

 

Insaninatitorium

 

and finally…

 

Haunted Hospice House

 

 

Happy halloween everyone!

 

sock

 

 

 

Continue reading...
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