Joke Dumpster Blog Post

 

Yeah that’s right.

It’s a Joke Dumpster Blog Post.

A misfit collection of jokes & thoughts–some I have–and some I haven’t got around to posting elsewhere.

Call it an early spring cleaning of my writing  journal.

Enjoy!…

 

SENSEI SHOPPING

Police in Washington state say a man wielding a samurai sword & threatening to hurt people was arrested after he entered a Walmart.

Said store manager “Welcome to Tuesday.”

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TICKET PLEASE

After recent lows, share’s of AMC Theatre stock rallied nearly 11% as someone bought a large bucket of popcorn w/ double butter.

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GOT AN ID

A new bill presented in West Virginia’s House of Delegates said people in the state would need to present a state-sponsored ID to access internet porn.

“I would–but my hands are a little busy at the moment.“

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JETS GAME

Two JetBlue planes made contact at Boston’s Logan Airport with one wingtip touching the other’s tail.

Said the pilot “Tag, you’re it!”

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REWIND IT

The New York Post reported a Jeffery Epstein accuser claims to have sex tapes Epstein made of President Trump, Clinton & Prince Andrew…which could be proven true if anyone still had a VCR.

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TO THE RESCUE

Hulk Hogan & a friend rescued a teenage girl trapped in an overturned vehicle in Florida.

If you were trapped in a wrecked car who ELSE would you want to be rescued by than Hulk Hogan.  Better the Hulkster than say, Martin Short.

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WE WEE

Ten-year-old boy who urinated near his mother’s car outside an office building in Mississipi won’t be required to serve probation and write a book report as punishment said an attorney.

If I got punished for every time I peed outside as a kid–I’d STILL be writing reports.

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CAN’T EVEN WRECK A TRAIN CORRECTLY

A CSX cargo train derailed in West Virginia but no injuries were reported and no cars containing hazardous materials were spilled.

Company officials apologized, promising to do worse next time.

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TOOTH DECAY

According to reports, hackers infected millions of internet-connected smart toothbrushes w/ malware to carry out a cyber attack on a Swiss company.

And you thought you had problems with bleeding gums.

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DRIVE ME CRAZY

Ford announced it will drop its little-used parallel parking assist feature on future models.

They might as well drop turn signals too cuz the guy in front of me doesn’t use them either.

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WHAT’S THE BUZZ

New study finds as bees & other pollinators become more scarce–some flowers are evolving to have less sex.

Join the club, flowers.  Join the club.

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DEALIO

Snoop Dog is sueing Walmart & Post claiming they sabotaged his cereal brand.

Oh, I don’t know, many say they loved Snoop’s “Weedies.”

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Thank God that’s over.  I’ll try harder next time.

P.S.  To all parties…this ONLY works for hair…