One For The Ages

One For The Ages

“You go ahead, I’m winded” I said to those watching me attempt to blow out the candles.

The heat rising from the cake was enough to singe the hair growing in my ears.

Birthdays are inconsequential to me.  Just numbers really.  So I don’t care when mine comes around.

As a kid, birthdays are a big deal though.  Huge.

And the special ones come more frequently.  When you turn five, that’s awesome.  Ten–a whole decade!  Thirteen—a teenager.  Sixteen—driver’s license.  Eighteen–voting age.  Twenty one–drinking age.

But then comes a long, long, loooonnnggg dry spell of birthdays of no importance.

Until you hit the one I am having.


Like clockwork, I’m reminded of this day by a special piece of mail…..

Yep, it’s my membership card to AARP.


If I could jump & click my heels without breaking a hip, I would.


There it is.

Laminated in my honor.

Ready to detach and put in my wallet, next to my Golden Corral Frequent Diner card.

Soon I’ll be buying slacks from the back of magazines.


Then I noticed the registration form.

Wait.  I thought an AARP membership was free?

Nope.  Turns out, they want to shake me down for $16.

Hell, I’ve lived 50 years for THIS?

You mean now I have to pay?

Apparently, joining comes with a whole laundry list of member benefits…including my favorite…”Representation in Washington…”

(So THAT’S why nothing is getting done in Congress….They’re waiting for my $16 bucks!)


But low & behold, if I register now I’ll get this “Free Travel Bag.”

Wow, just look at the size of that thing.

You can barely fit a Passport & the AARP card inside!

Heck, I carry more than that going to the bathroom!

So that’s my day.  My 50th b-day in all it’s glory.

I can hardly wait till 51.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my party.

“Hey, can’t we just smother the flames with a blanket?”


6 Replies to “One For The Ages”

  1. Especially loved the part about you buying pants from the back of a magazine! Since you were so honest, I will make a confession. I bought a bra from there once.. Freaking scary…

  2. Happy B/day, Doug! Mine is today, so we’re fellow Virgos. I’m only 39, though, so I know nothing about this AARP thing! [wink, wink]

  3. Heidi,
    Thank you for your comment. (I had to wear my bifocals to read your comment, but thanks again.)