Things That Grow

Things That Grow


Just ten items?

There are obvious things that grow in life, children, the national debt, our waistlines.

But I want to focus on the not-so-obvious.

The kind of stuff that sneaks up on you.  Overwhelms.  And before you know it gets out of control.

Here are ten “Things That Grow” in my home without any particular effort.



Can’t get it closed.



My t-shirt drawer is packed solid.  It won’t even close all the way.

T-shirts for sports teams, community events, bands, businesses.

You name it, I probably have a t-shirt for it.


Ahh comfy & cozy.



My wife tells me to clear out some of them to make room.

But why would I get rid of a perfectly good t-shirt for Orlando’s Rain Forest Cafe from 1994?  Geez!


Ear Hair & Eyebrows

I’ll spare you with a picture.  Just take my word for it.

But the hair in my ears & eyebrows seemingly grows tenfold overnight like Jack’s friggin beanstalk.

I never know whether to trim them or do a comb over for my ever expanding forehead.

Might as well lump nose hair in there for the big trifecta!


Hand Sanitizer

Watch out 99.9% of germs!

Germs don’t stand a chance here at home because we have enough hand sanitizer to eliminate disease.

Advertisers (mostly health companies & hospitals) give this stuff assuming, oh I don’t know, we all live in a petri dish.

I thought a hospital would want just the opposite…more germs means more illness means more biz for the hospital.

I have so much sanitizer I can spritz when someone gives me a dirty look.


Gift Bags

Oodles of gift bags.  We have gift bags filled with more gift bags.  Bags for every holiday.  Every season.  Every color.  Every reason to give a gift–we have a bag for it. 

When we give someone a gift in a gift bag, that same bag somehow returns to us later on.  Like a boomerang gift bag–we can’t get rid of them!



We have enough combs for a hillbilly orchestra.

Who under the age of eighty uses a comb?  I ask because we have a comb in every bathroom drawer.

I have more combs than I have hairs.  Where do they come from?  Why are they here?



Now I need a pen.


Notepads & sticky notes are a popular giveaway item for a business.  I know because we have plenty.

Notepads are always around here…TILL YOU NEED ONE!

That’s why one can find messages & phone numbers scrawled on any handy scrap of paper.


Plastic Silverware

Another household item that multiplies like a rabbit on testosterone booster.

It’s an item you hate to use just once and throw away.  Seems like a waste.  So we wash & save them for packed lunches & traveling.  But now we have enough plastic forks for everyone on a Carnival Cruise ship.


Leaves in the garage

Leaves in my garage tend to grow in number like the jackpot for Powerball.  There are no trees for three houses around in the front yet my garage collects enough foliage for a dozen Sophomore biology projects.

I get so many leaves, forget the broom, I use a rake.



Here we go again.


I have touched on this before but who doesn’t have this problem?

Where the hell does it all come from?

I gotta play a game of Tupperware Tetris trying to make everything fit in the cupboard.

Horny buggers!




Thought I found the reason for so much Tupperware when I noticed these two containers mating on the kitchen floor.


Lastly, a frequent subject matter on this pitiful website…


Bed Bath and Beyond coupons

More more more!


What can I say that hasn’t already been muttered before.

Bed Bath and Beyond coupons arrive in the mailbox as often as a muscle spasm.

The postman’s fingers are stained permanent blue.

Get a few more coupons and soon I’ll be able to save 20% on the whole damn store.


What do you find piling up in your home?

Add it to the list of “Things That Grow.”




4 Replies to “Things That Grow”

  1. I couldn’t quit laughing Doug! I agree with all of them, yet hair appears Everywhere, like going thru puberty; I’m 58 for heavens sake. One other problem, I’ve lost my eyebrows, so either too much hair or too little. The leaves in the garage, no broom or rake. Use a blower! Great post. Thanks for the smile and laughs 😊🤗

    1. I appreciate your kind words, Joanne. Sorry about the eyebrows–I got enough for both of us!

  2. I am guilty of having an abundance of everything on your list, with the exception of eyebrows and other hairs . Sorry, you stand alone on that one . Another thing that grows in my house are business cards . I have cards for doctors I no longer see, and businesses that are no longer in business . Why is it I always pick up a business card whenever I am in an establishment, and don’t throw away the others ? I just might need it 🙂 . PS I had a dentist appointment this morning and guess what I walked out with along with my complimentary toothbrush, a complimentary business card!

    1. Margaret,
      That’s funny with the business cards! Put’em in the spokes of your bike.
      Always love your side of the story!