Middle Squeezers

Middle Squeezers


There comes a time when differences appear.

A realization that one is alone.  Individual, not by choice, but habit.

Where there is no right, nor wrong…just action, practice and propriety.


My fair and lofty sentiments reflect a conclusive feeling of aversion that I, as a end-squeezer, live amongst a family of…middle-squeezers.


Unforgiving it is.


Just grab & squeeze.

With no rhyme or reason.

Right from the middle.

Leaving the poor tube a mangled wreck of product.


How shameful.


Oh it’s not just toothpaste, mind you.

My clan of middle squeezers leave their marks on this…



My God, take it easy.


Or that.

By the way, who needs this much Neosporin?

They didn’t use this much antiseptic during the Great Plague.

This is enough ointment to last for generations!



Ah, that’s better!


Being a meticulous, end-squeezer myself, I am constantly crimping, wringing & smoothing tubes of all kinds to create a uniform, well-maintained look of consumer products.


My buttoned-up semblance will only last for a day or two before the middle squeezers do their nasty.

Once again leaving the tube looking like a jack-knifed semi-truck.

And requiring me to use the jaws of life to extract a half-inch glob of minty flouride onto the soft bristles of my Oral-B.


After years of battle with middle squeezers, I know my work is futile.  Change will never come about.


Don’t give in you softy!


Thus, I surrender my fight and offer a conciliatory truce.


As the old saying goes…If you can’t beat’em, join them.


Happy brushing everyone.







6 Replies to “Middle Squeezers”

  1. Oh boy Doug, you hit the “squeeze” on the head! Im a perfectionist to a fault, but MS had made me lazy and or uncaring? I try to kewp things pristine alxo, BUT I’m a toothpaste middle sqeezer….What? It’s true, but I’ll try to be better for you. Lmbo

    1. Joanne,
      Oh well, I’ll let you slide. Middle squeezers aren’t that bad after all.
      Thanks for reading & sharing your side!

  2. That’s when you get your own tubes, mark them with sharpie with your name and tell them you spit on the ends. haha (add evil laugh here)

    1. Golly, that’s taking it to extremes! Think I’ll just live with the tube all crunched.
      Thanks for your solution!

    1. Kim,
      That’s right, there are much more important things to worry about.
      Thanks for your comment!