One Size Fits All

W orth reading a second time!

Gigundus!  Enormoth!  Monstrossal!

It’s the size of my friggin head!

Just look at the picture.  No Photoshop enhancement here.

That’s “skull-Dougry” at its finest.

But don’t pity me–feel pity for my poor mother.  She gave birth to a “cranial-pod.”  No wonder she can hardly walk now.  I probably split her open like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Life isn’t easy when you are lugging around a head this size.

As a kid, I remember the morning struggle

trying to pull a shirt on.  The shirt would ultimately end up stuck around my “five-head.”

For my 9th birthday, I received a Cincinnati Bengals football helmet.  I thought it was the coolest gift–till I tried to put it on.  It was like putting my head in a vice.  I’m sure I pushed the stress of the polymer-plastic outer shell to its absolute limits.

As an adult, my brainpan continues to make big, first impressions.  “Hi, I’m Doug”, I said extending my hand.  “I’m Pat”, he said shaking it.  His gaze then shifted upwards.  “Man, you have a melon-head!” he exclaimed.

Nice to meet you too.

Of course, a receding hairline further enhances my continent-sized dome.  When I emerge from the shower, I resemble something from Area 51.  Like my hair is being swallowed by a giant snake.

If only great thoughts would spew from a noggin this size.  When I get an idea, it sounds like a peanut bouncing around in a tin can!

But undaunted, I carry on with the resolve that “one size fits all.”

Yeah right, one size fits all my ass.