It Blows. It Really Blows.

It Blows. It Really Blows.

I never had the urge to write about something so common.

But this was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

This was not just another rest room.

And this was not just an ordinary hand dryer.

This, my friend, was the McDonnell-Douglas of hand dryers.

North Korea yearns to develop this type of hand dryer technology.

That being said, let me introduce you to the……………XLERATOR!


The Xlerator….the pinnacle of moisture-wicking achievement.

My story began innocent enough during a routine car trip across the fine state of Ohio.

Nature called as it usually does—even more often when you have MS.

With nary a rest area in sight, I decided to make a visit to America’s crowning corporate rest stop…McDonald’s.

Yes of course.  Who hasn’t pulled over to use the powder room at Mickey D’s!  That’s why they have’em all over the place—so you’re never far away when the urge hits.

The Golden Arches
The Golden Arches

Heck, even the McDonald’s logo looks like two streams of urine!

Why do you think they call’em the “Golden” Arches!

Inside a stall doing my business was my first initiation to the Xlerator.

It sounded as though I was on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier.  The sounds of jets taking off from the men’s john, also from the ladies room as the sound pierced the tiled walls.


After completing my task, it was time for my solo ride with the Xlerator.

I held my soggy hands under the nozzle as my world exploded with wind & sound.  Barely holding my balance in what seemed to be a prop wash, I imagined using the Xlerator was like sticking your head out the window of a Space Shuttle.

The water on my hands was instantly vaporized…..along with a hangnail, a wart and a couple of freckles!

While using the Xlerator.
While using the Xlerator.

Here is an actual picture of my hand under the gale-force wind of the Xlerator.  (My other hand was holding the camera)

Notice how my skin is beginning to stretch & strain under the sheer force.

I won’t go into the gory, graphic details of my experience as young children may be reading this account.

But I will show you a photograph of my hands AFTER using the Xlerator…….

AFTER using the Xlerator
AFTER using the Xlerator

Yes, everything is gone.

Skin.  Nails.  Age spots.  Even connective tissue.

The Xlerator does its job.  And so much more.

So I must warn you to be careful in your travels this summer.

And most certainly be on the alert for the Xlerator…coming to a bathroom near you.


2 Replies to “It Blows. It Really Blows.”

  1. After your hands are dry in under 10 seconds you also can’t hear anything for a short while once you leave the restroom not that you ever had any rest there. There are no directions posted on these hand dryers though and no one will write under those directions “wipe hands on pants.” We have these hand dryers in a certain chain of food stores up here in the Northeast of our country. Since there are no towels in these restrooms people will know whether you washed your hands or not because these jet dryers can be heard outside the restrooms with the door closed and much distance away. These dryers are very effective though but I still prefer even cheap paper towels.