Old As A Stump

I am officially old.

I say this NOT because at my next birthday, I’ll receive my obligatory membership to AARP.

Nor is it because I am finding grey hair in weird places.  (Grey nose hair?  What the hell!)

I proclaim this truth about folks like me who can’t hold their bladders long enough to sit through a whole picture!

But after seeing a list of this summer’s hot movie releases, I don’t think I’ll be missing much.

“Fast & Furious 6” is in theaters now.  The first five must have slipped by me.  In fact, I though “Fast & Furious” was describing my bowel control!

“After Earth” comes out next week and stars Will Smith and his son, Jaden.

It’s a sci-fi adventure that takes place on a “not quite abandoned planet.”

I gotta strong feeling this film will be taking place in a not quite abandoned movie theater!

There’s “Man of Steel”, a new Superman picture.

“The Wolverine” returns with Hugh Jackman.  Eh, I’ll pass.  If I want to see mutton-chop sideburns, I’ll go to Walmart.

Adam Sandler stars in “Grown Ups 2.” Like the cinema world needed a sequel.

“Pacific Rim” is another sci-fi biggie about human-controlled robots battling giant aliens.

Yawn.

Why can’t these human-controlled robots battle Adam Sandler, preventing him from making another crappy movie.

And we have “World War Z” with Bradjelina Pitt as a dude trying to stop a global zombie pandemic.

I am clueless with our culture’s fascination of zombies.  Personally, I had my fill after Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

“World War Z” reminds me of my struggle to stay awake watching TV in the evening!

My point is, there seems to be no end to these futuristic, sci-fi, action movies with robots, zombies, aliens, vampires & were wolves.

I don’t understand and at this point, I am too old to care.

Guess I’ll just spend the summer watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Pas the popcor….Zzzzzzz.