Hook, Line And Stinker
Crafty deception. Seductive half-truths. Outright misnomers.
No, it’s not the banter between our elected officials and the public.
I’m referring to the misleading statements found in advertising.
Consumer Reports noted the top advertising terms you should NOT take for granted.
They are:
Satisfaction Guaranteed.
Buyer beware because this means different things to each company.
While some offer full refunds, others only promise an exchange.
Going Out Of Business.
Consumer Reports says this phrase makes the buying public believe they are getting a bargain. But not necessarily so.
Lifetime Warranty.
This refers to the lifetime of the product—not yours!
We Will Not Be Undersold.
A store may guarantee lowest prices, but many have terms in fine print so small you need an electron microscope to read them.
Free.
Hey, if something is free, there must be a catch, right?
Business’ don’t become multi-billion dollar corporations by giving it away.
That being said, My Odd Sock jumps in where Consumer Reports clocks out.
Here are several more advertising terms that should leave you, the consumer, with skepticism….
More Fun Than A Monitor Lizard!
Everything Must Go Before Police Arrive!
Call Now ‘Cuz We Close In An Hour!
Save Today, The World Ends Tomorrow!
Serving You For Three And A Half Generations!
Lowest Prices On Armor-Piercing Ammo!
Infectious Germs, Germs, Germs!
Made In America By Illegal Aliens!
We Neuter Service Dogs!
Your Satisfaction Depends!
You Have Our Promise…Not To Tell Authorities!
Just Wait Till Your Wife Hears, You Ass!
We’re Here To Serve You A Load Of Shit!
Pay Us Weekly. Pay Us Monthly. Pay Us Dearly!
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem!
We Keep Costs Low To Maximize Profits!
No Suicide Bombers Permitted!
Third Generation Service. Third World Products!
Shop Now. CEO’s 3rd Quarter Bonus Was Only $Two Mill!
* * * * *
Shop wary and shop smart.
If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Be wise (But of course you are for reading this dribble) and be a cautious consumer.
Don’t be taken hook, line & stinker.
4 Replies to “Hook, Line And Stinker”
Our society doesn’t think much of the average consumer. It only takes one moron to file a dumb lawsuit, to cause manufacturers to go to laughable lengths to protect their customers from harm, bombarding us with ridiculous warning labels or obvious explanations of how their products work.
My hair dryer warns ”Not to use while sleeping”. This must be a reminder, not to take my dryer to bed with me.
My iron warns ”Not to iron clothes while worn”. When I worked, I was often running late, but never thought to iron my skirt as I was going out the door.
My Dremel drill warns ”Not intended for use as dental drill”. Thank goodness for Obama Care.
Not only should you ”Shop wary and shop smart”, be sure to read those warning labels!
Margaret,
Funny stuff! Thank you for warning us in advance.
I’m still laughing at “Just Wait Till Your Wife Hears, You Ass”! Just wait, indeed. 🙂
Soooo true!