Back Scratch Fever

Back Scratch Fever


Nails first, please!

There is nothing better than a good back scratch.

Dig in with the right touch and I’ll sit there like a dozy Labrador (tongue hangs out just the same).

But with me it doesn’t stop there.

My back.  Neck.  Scalp.  Hands.  Shins.  Chest.  Armpits.  Head, shoulders, knees & toes.  Knees & toes.


With me, everything studied in a high-school anatomy class itches…and I gotta scratch it.

Seems as though someone switched my talc with itching powder sold on the back page of a comic book.

I scratch like a mangy dog with fleas.  Only my fleas have fleas have fleas with poison ivy.

What is causing all my digging & scratching?

Is it a MS thing or dollar-store laundry soap?

Nah, couldn’t be MS.  Could it?

But then Momentum magazine mentioned a small study at the University of Miami that found 27 out of 77 folks with MS experience chronic itching.  Researchers blame it on the “short circuiting” of the nerves from the brain to the body.

Well I’ll be.  

Maybe I don’t have the creeping-crud that I thought.

It’s friggin MS.  You bastard, multiple sclerosis!

Okay, but what to do about all this itching?

The article goes on to mention possible treatments such as acupuncture, mindfulness & meditation.  Even something called “cognitive behavioral therapy” which to me is a fancy term for wearing a straight-jacket.

Here’s what I do to calm an overactive body…

Cool down.  I tend to itch more when I’m hot.  Being all bundled up (especially in winter) is the worst.  Let some air hit your skin and find some relief that way.

Same in the bathroom.  Turn down the temp.

I find relief with a cool shower.  A hot shower or bath revs up my itching like feather dusters at a tickle party.


Pretty good stuff.

Some products help too.

This shampoo from Head & Shoulders is for “itchy scalp care.”  I use it because I’m at the age I have more hair on my shoulders than my head.

And lotion up!

After I bathe I smear lotion everywhere.  Not just the dry patches (knees & elbows).

My skin is embarrassingly soft.  I’m not a man–I’m a veal.  Shaking my hand is like holding a cow’s udder.


Soothing relief.


Back scratchers are handy for those hard to reach body crevices.

I have two.

This one is used by mere mortals to ease one’s panzi-ass itching.


What in God’s name?


Whereas with my case of MEGA-itching, I am forced to use my evil-looking MONDO-scratcher.

Yes, an actual alligator’s foot is required to itch my scratch!

This gator is still pissed at me.  Humping around on three feet so I can reach my scapula.  It is extreme measures I know, but I am grateful for its reptilian sacrifice for my comfort.


Do you itch because of MS?  Are you scratching at your body as though digging for gold?

How do you find relief?  Tell me about your experience with a comment.  I’d love to hear it.

Till then, find a good tree to lean against or hang out at a nail salon.


3 Replies to “Back Scratch Fever”

  1. Yes! I have phantom itches on my back. Of course in a spot that I can’t easily reach. I’ve been known to scratch my back by rubbing it on the back of my recliner. (Seeing me squirming back and forth while I remain seated is a common occurrence here.) I have a wood back scratcher just like you have but our kitten thinks it a toy and interrupts a blissful back scratch by inserting his SHARP claws in the event.

  2. Tina,
    Oooo, maybe you are on to something here. I never thought about scratching with a cat!
    Thank you for your fine idea!

  3. I was rather relived when I read the Momentum article. I get itches on the tops of my feet, ankles and wrists. CBD ointment helps. And icing helps. I like your idea of a cool shower.