My Beak

My Beak


The nose knows.

My beak.

The nose on my face.  Yeah, we go way back.  Been my calling card for ages.

It’s big-no doubt.  It’s the first thing that enters a room.

Most people say they remember someone’s eyes.  With me, they never forget my nose.


I’ve frightened small children.  It counts as another appendage…two arms, two legs, one nose.

My trauma began as a child.  It was difficult to find a pullover shirt big enough to allow my bulbous head to pass through the neck hole…but also not to get hung up on my schnoz.

Years ago I broke my nose in a skiing accident.  And it grew even bigger.  Two black eyes & a busted sniffer–for once I looked like a bad ass!

In research for this post (how ludicrous is that?), I read the largest nose on record is a dude in Turkey at 3.46 inches from bridge to tip.

No Kodak moment.

Well of course I had to compare, right?

So there I stood.  In front of a mirror.  Ruler in hand.

I clocked in at just over 3 inches.

Really?  Let’s measure again.  Then, a 3rd time.

Honestly, the guy didn’t beat me by much.

You could say I gave him a run for his money but “run” and “nose” together have a completely different meaning.

The size of my nose also explains how once at the ocean, a lifeguard freaked and cleared the water as I swam on my back.  (That’s good for a positive body image)

Did you know the size of your nose is genetic?  My mom had a nice, cute nose.  Meanwhile, my dad looked like Mr. Ed.  Guess who’s nose I got?

My dad joked by saying a large nose is a sign of intelligence.  But he failed to mention he got expelled from school and years later got his G.E.D.

In Greek & Roman times, a strong nose meant power & strength.  Which explains how I can almost bench-press a box of my wife’s sweaters.

Well, I think I have beaten myself up enough for this being the first week of 2023.  (Must save some self-deprecation for the rest of the year!)

But I’ll leave you with this fun challenge…

Find My Nose:

Tough I know!

P.S.-  the answer is “D”

7 Replies to “My Beak”

  1. Ahh My Odd Sock friend. It’s just part of your quirky charm. But damn, pullovers are difficult and with MS, I bet button downs are tough too. Zippers my friend. You need a torso wardrobe wit lots of zippers. Happy 2023 my friend!!

    1. Mark,
      I challenge you to a nose duel. And if my Dad had bigger things–he didn’t pass them along to me!
      Thanks for checking in!

  2. Yes I did know that the size of your nose is genetic. Case in point, when I was in maybe around seventh grade, several of my girlfriends were getting nose jobs. Fast forward when the same girlfriends had children, I could see a resemblance of their old nose in their children. Nose jobs do not appear to be “a thing” anymore.

    Also, I remember in high school there was this one girl who everybody thought was so beautiful. However, I remember her former face before she had her nose AND her chin fixed. I’ll never tell…..

    1. Margaret,
      Interesting point.
      I actually like females with big noses. Gives them character. I always think of Jennifer Grey from “Dirty Dancing.” She was so cute. Got her nose fixed & now just looks like everybody else.

      1. Doug,
        Once again, great minds think alike! I started to mention the Jennifer Grey story, but wasn’t sure you were familiar with the story. Over the years I’ve heard her mention that she regrets having her nose fixed. It was her mother’s idea. I agree with you she did have character with her old nose, and she does now look like everybody else. She said she wasn’t being offered roles after the nose job.