The colossal console

There are TV networks devoted to all sports (ESPN), news (CNN), weather (The Weather Channel), kid’s (Nickelodeon), races (BET & Telemundo), even political affiliations…right-wing (Fox) and left-wing (Comedy Central)!

But finally, for those of us with multiple sclerosis, there is a now a tv network that caters to our specific entertainment.  Yes, YOU are the target audience!

Introducing…

…MStv!  Multiple Sclerosis Television

My Odd Sock was fortunate enough to attend a preview screening of the programs to be seen on MStv.

Here are just a few of what you’ll enjoy…

“The Mentalist”    Drama.  A show about a person with MS who can’t seem to remember anything.

Always losing their car keys and forgetting appointments.  Put it on your list to watch “The Mentalist!”

Watch your step!

“Wipeout”   Competition.  Like this show needs any explanation!

“Wipeout” features foot-droppers who stumble their way through a multi-surface obstacle course.

“60 Minutes”   Not a news program.  This “60 Minutes” is about the length of time an MSer can hold his or her bladder.

MStv logo

“Jeopardy”   Sitcom.  An MSer in a power wheelchair who constantly gets stuck in a department store entrance by an automatic handicap door that closes much too quickly!

“Dirty Jobs”   Reality.  Host Mike Rowe cleans up MSers who continually spill & drop food on themselves.

“Law & Order: DMV”   Drama.  It is the quest of one person with MS to obtain a handicap parking placard.  The show exposes the seedy side of a visit to the license bureau.

“Two & A Half Men”   Sitcom.  The number of guys it takes to lift a wheelchair over a non-accessible curb!

MStv logo

“Amazing Race”   Reality Competition.  Teams of MSers battle to see who can make it to the bathroom first without wetting themselves.

“Up All Night”   Sitcom.  An MSer’s twitchy legs spasm, jump & shake for a restless night of slumber.

“Wheel of Fortune”   Gameshow.  Contestants spin the wheel to win approval of their Social Security disability.

Will they solve the puzzle or hit “bankrupt” while they wait?

“The Doctors”   Talk Show.  A panel of four, good-looking medical specialists have no answers about your MS, but insist on seeing you every three to six months to tell you nothing once again!

So, that’s just a sampling of what you will soon enjoy on the new “MStv” Network.

Have an idea for a show you would like to see on MStv?  Leave a comment, we’d love to hear about it!

Please check your local listings or call your cable provider for availability & channel information.  (Not available in all areas.)

Happy surfing!

Check your local listings or call your cable provider for channel information

A disgraced My Odd Sock

Humanity–you should be ashamed!

Hang your head as a million years of human evolution have been tossed in the garbage like a dirty paper towel.

In case you missed it, “Watson,” a specially designed computer, opened a major can of Silicon Valley whoop-ass on the TV game show “Jeopardy.”

In a three-day event called “The IBM Challenge,” Watson competed against Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, two of Jeopardy’s greatest champions.

But it was an embarrassment for the mere-mortals from the opening question.

Watson rang in with a lightning-fast response that would make any X-Box playing teenager envious.  It rattled off correct answers like an AK-47…and collected cash winnings faster than Bernie Madoff.

On the human side, Ken & Brad, though trying their very best, were no match for the “Dominator” aka Watson.  Point blank, they were as bad as a Adam Sandler movie.

Meanwhile, all the pocket-protector “Teckies” in the audience cackled & cheered for the machine they created.  Proud as the Russian scientists who built “Drago” in the movie “Rocky IV,” they fail to see the looming bigger picture.

You see, this is just the beginning of Watson’s tyrannical game-show brow beating.

It begins with the friendly challenge on Jeopardy.  But then the evil machine’s appetite will grow as it devours contestants on “Wheel of Fortune.”

Next will be “Millionaire”…followed by “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader”…and “Family Feud”….all before setting its sights on, God forbid, “The Price Is Right.”

Like a hot knife through butter, Watson will have its way with games like Plinko, Hi-lo, Rat Race and Switcheroo….before disemboweling the competition in the “Showcase Showdown.”

Watson’s performance will traumatize host Drew Carey who will revert back to his old double-cheeseburger eating personality, eventually regaining all the weight he has lost.

Yes, this is just the beginning.

The monster has been unleashed.

We are all witnesses.

(And any other cheesy cliches you can think of.)

For what started as “The IBM Challenge” may soon become a sinister game-show champion leaving the rest of us inferior beings scratching & fighting over the meager parting gifts.

The human race……”Come on down!”

  Here is an encore My Odd Sock I think you will enjoy!

What is with you MS people?  It’s always about your bowels or your bladder.  Bowel this.  Bladder that.  Bowel-Bladder.  Bladder-Bowel.  Give it a break already!

I wish I could.  And you probably agree.  But after 13 years  of shared bliss with multiple sclerosis, my bowel and bladder have become such an influential part of my life I carry their picture in my wallet!

Like family members!

Everyday my bowel and bladder taunt me, tease me and pick on me like two older brothers razing a younger sibling.

Believe me, I’ve experienced more “accidents” than a traffic cop!

The Ups and Downs

This is the favorite game my bowel likes to play.

First, my bowel gives me a tremendous urge to rush into the bathroom—like I am about to pass a ten-pound baby through my colon.  Then by the time I get comfortable, the urge passes.  So I get up and redress.  The urge returns.  I sit.  Urge retreats.  I get up.  And this game continues on and on.  

Eric Heiden

Needless to say, Suzanne Somers would be jealous of my “thighs of steel” all of this up & down exercise has developed.  I got thighs that would kick sand in Eric Heiden’s face!

Going Commando

For those unfamiliar with the term “going commando”, let me say it has absolutely nothing to do with our fine military.  Going commando is “sans underwear.”  Skivvy deficient.

Some folks choose to go Commando by choice.  Others, including myself, do it by accident.  Meaning I have an accident and must discard my dirty Underoos.

The 1st time it happened was first grade.  But it had nothing to do with MS.  It was just complete fear of asking my teacher, Mrs. Bickheart, to be excused.

First grade. Not dooty-free.

So I filled my pants.

I remember my humiliation with that weighted-waggle in the back of my pants. 

So I sat down.  And sat in it for the rest of the day.  Poop-putty.  Ass-spackle.

It was the worst day of my young life.

Today, I have accidents because I can’t get to the bathroom fast enough.  You see, I have the foot-speed of a glacier!

The urge can strike like a rattlesnake, while the bite is more damaging to the ego than anything.

If an accident occurs at home there is no big deal—just grab a fresh pair of Joe Boxers and be on your way.  But if it happened at work?….Houston, we have a problem.  Many times I had to “go commando” and worry that clients and co-workers wouldn’t notice. 

If only my Dockers could talk—they would probably scream!

Again, humiliation 40 years later.

American Standard Savings & Loan

Maybe now you can understand why those of us with MS are so consumed with our bowels & bladders.  We really aren’t that fond of these vital organs, they simply control our every movement….Strike that–Poor word choice.  MSers have to keep close tabs of every nuance of our faculties.

How many times I have wanted to spin and say “I’d like to buy a bowel, Pat.”