Huddle Up!

This weekend is the crown jewel of American sporting events!  The Tiffany competition between the two finest teams who have victoriously survived a long, grueling season of weekly battles.

You know what game I am referring to.  I don’t even need to tell you.  And if I did say, I could be arrested, be imposed heavy fines, even face imprisonment.  All because I would be breaking the National Football League’s copyright infringement policies.

Not familiar with the terms?  Here are a few words & phrases you cannot legally say or print:

“Super Bowl”

“Super Sunday”

The Super Bowl Logo

“NFL”, “AFC”, or “NFC”

Any team name (e.g., “Steelers” or “Cowboys”)

Therefore, My Odd Sock will take no chances when it comes to writing about this Sunday’s professional football championship game between the team of hard-working, hardhat-wearing, strong, hairy forearmed, time-clock workers versus the team of cheese-loving, cold-weather, green & yellow wearing, I’m-not-sure-what-they-are-packing team.

Cripes, it’s just easier to say the “Steelers vs the Packers.”  (Soon I’ll be some one’s “prison bitch” for the next 3 to 5.)

Sorry to spill the dip, Dip!

Are YOU hosting a big game party?

Easy with the party trays Martha Stewart–you may be in violation yourself!

Did you know it is unlawful to TiVo the big game?  It’s true.  But why would you anyway—the commercials are often the best part of the broadcast!

How many people have you invited to your shin-dig?  It is also against the NFL’s regulations if you are showing the game to “too many” people.  Funny, the esteamed league office doesn’t specify the number they feel is “too many.”

Nice console Ward Cleaver!

Finally, did you know you may be breaking the law if you are watching the game on a screen larger than 55 inches?

That’s another strange-but-true factoid.

Is all of this ridiculous?  Of course it is.  But without all of this, it wouldn’t be the United States’ legal system, right?

Whatever your plans, just enjoy the weekend and let’s look forward to a good game, the  halftime show and some funny commercials!

“So, Bubba, you want the top bunk or the bottom bunk?”

Due to a complete case of writer’s block and lack of ideas, My Odd Sock is cleaning out the file of news items in this first edition of the…..”Almost Evening News.”

Welcome to the Almost Evening News, I am My Odd Sock reporting with unworthy news stories you could care less about.

In our first story….

Fashion Faux Pas:

The Department of Homeland Security announced the color-coded terror warnings will end.

By the end of April, terror threats to the U.S. will no longer be described in shades of green, blue, yellow, orange and red.

In a fashion makeover, the new system of terror warnings will be coded by “patterns”……Gingham, Chintz, Paisley, Herringbone and Basic Black.

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Sue Happy:

The legal system bogged down with lawsuits?

Add this one to the docket.  Ohio Congressman and one-time presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is suing the congressional cafeteria for $150,000 dollars for dental damages because Denny bit into an olive pit in his sandwich!

THAT is some expensive dental work!

The lawsuit should have been even larger as his sandwich came with honey-mustard instead of the Dijon he requested!

A spokesman for Kucinich’s congressional office declined to comment.

No kidding.  They should be ashamed!

(It was later reported they settled “for an amount an amount both parties believe reflects the actual out-of-pocket expenses.”)

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Super Bowl Silliness:

I get excited about the Super Bowl!

It is so cool how the NFL uses Roman numerals for the game.  This year is Super Bowl XLV (45).

In honor of the big game, when I die I want my newspaper obituary to list my age in Roman numerals….My Odd Sock, LXXXVIII

(88, I think?)

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Every last Toyota Recalled:

The Toyota Motor Corporation recently announced  it was recalling nearly 1.7 million vehicles worldwide because of possible fuel leakage.

Toyota has suffered through a string of recalls in recent years bringing the total of recalled vehicles to nearly 16 million!

It is easier to say, EVERY Toyota has been recalled….except this guy’s…

This  1992 Toyota Civic with 179,500 miles, driven by Larry Selmons of Elkart, Indiana.

That does it for today’s “Almost Evening News.”  I’m My Odd Sock reporting.