The colossal console
There are TV networks devoted to all sports (ESPN), news (CNN), weather (The Weather Channel), kid’s (Nickelodeon), races (BET & Telemundo), even political affiliations…right-wing (Fox) and left-wing (Comedy Central)!
But finally, for those of us with multiple sclerosis, there is a now a tv network that caters to our specific entertainment. Yes, YOU are the target audience!
Introducing…
…MStv! Multiple Sclerosis Television
My Odd Sock was fortunate enough to attend a preview screening of the programs to be seen on MStv.
Here are just a few of what you’ll enjoy…
“The Mentalist” Drama. A show about a person with MS who can’t seem to remember anything.
Always losing their car keys and forgetting appointments. Put it on your list to watch “The Mentalist!”
Watch your step!
“Wipeout” Competition. Like this show needs any explanation!
“Wipeout” features foot-droppers who stumble their way through a multi-surface obstacle course.
“60 Minutes” Not a news program. This “60 Minutes” is about the length of time an MSer can hold his or her bladder.
MStv logo
“Jeopardy” Sitcom. An MSer in a power wheelchair who constantly gets stuck in a department store entrance by an automatic handicap door that closes much too quickly!
“Dirty Jobs” Reality. Host Mike Rowe cleans up MSers who continually spill & drop food on themselves.
“Law & Order: DMV” Drama. It is the quest of one person with MS to obtain a handicap parking placard. The show exposes the seedy side of a visit to the license bureau.
“Two & A Half Men” Sitcom. The number of guys it takes to lift a wheelchair over a non-accessible curb!
MStv logo
“Amazing Race” Reality Competition. Teams of MSers battle to see who can make it to the bathroom first without wetting themselves.
“Up All Night” Sitcom. An MSer’s twitchy legs spasm, jump & shake for a restless night of slumber.
“Wheel of Fortune” Gameshow. Contestants spin the wheel to win approval of their Social Security disability.
Will they solve the puzzle or hit “bankrupt” while they wait?
“The Doctors” Talk Show. A panel of four, good-looking medical specialists have no answers about your MS, but insist on seeing you every three to six months to tell you nothing once again!
So, that’s just a sampling of what you will soon enjoy on the new “MStv” Network.
Have an idea for a show you would like to see on MStv? Leave a comment, we’d love to hear about it!
Please check your local listings or call your cable provider for availability & channel information. (Not available in all areas.)
Happy surfing!
Check your local listings or call your cable provider for channel information
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“Good grief,” says Charlie Brown during times of frustration.
If only grief was as simple as when Lucy pulls the football away and Chuck is about to give it a boot.
Unfortunately you and I know grief as a feeling we get in response to a personal loss we have experienced.
I bring this up as we were discussing grief during a recent MS group meeting.
Our leader spoke about grief and how it related to a member who had just passed away from “complications of multiple sclerosis.”
The leader also talked about how grief can be an emotional response to our own MS. That we grieve at our loss of physical function, cognitive ability and so on.
Our group’s discussion about grief dredged up several personal experiences I thought I would share—thinking maybe you have a similar memory.
My strongest outpouring of MS grief happened three years ago at my son’s high-school cross-country meet. Watching him run the wet, soggy course was magical.
He was doing something I had loved–and it occurred to me that we would never do it together. I cried…I’m talking “Brian’s Song,” “Other Side of the Mountain,” “Where the Red Fern Grows” balled! Luckily, it was raining in a torrential downpour and my tears were hidden behind the rain.
I realize now they were not only tears of pride—but also tears of grief. A finality of what was and what never will be.
The Funny Meter
(Go away Funny Meter!)
I also experience a tinge of grief every time I see the phrase “complications of multiple sclerosis” in a newspaper obituary.
Even though I did not know the person who passed—a little bit of me dies too as I grieve their loss. I feel as though I can relate in some way. Have an understanding that a healthy person will never know.
I wonder…does a cancer survivor, someone with diabetes or heart disease feels the same way when they read an obituary of a person with a similar illness? Like one of their own has moved on.
This is a dark subject, I know.
And I apologize as this topic is WAY beyond the usual yammering one finds on this site. But sometimes the reality of MS goes beyond a pumpkin-headed kid shouting “Good grief!”
Have you ever had a fall that looked worse than what it was?
A spill that was ugly, yet graceful?
A tumble that was nimble, but awkward?
A fall where you escaped injury, but wished you could have been judged on your artistic & athletic recovery?
Well, My Odd Sock had one such fall recently. so cue the orchestra and let’s begin the show!…..
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to ABC’s….
…”Falling With The Stars.”
I’m your host, Tom Bergeron along with my co-host Samantha What’s Her Name.
Tonight, we will hear about My Odd Sock’s unfortunate tumble which will then be judged & scored by our panel of experts.
Speaking of which, let’s meet our judges…
judge Alfredo Linguini
Working professionally with the “Vatican Dancers” and choreographer for the Chef Boyardee World Tour, here is Alfredo Linguini!
Welcome to “Falling With The Stars,” Alfredo.
“Thanka you Tomas!” Linguini replies.
judge Cassandra LaPointe
Next, she was a somba instructor for Arthur Murray when she became a Laker’s Girl!
Please welcome the lovely Cassandra LaPointe…
“It’s great to be here, Tom!” she says.
The bitter judge, Ian Foul
Finally, because all TV talent competitions have a crusty British judge…let’s welcome England’s Ian Foul…
“Yeah? Up yours, you bloody wanker!” scoffs Ian.
OK.
My Odd Sock, it’s your turn.
The floor is yours, so to speak (the audience laughs). Go ahead and tell us about your fall.
"Pole Dancer" Odd Sock & the pole
“Well, being that I have had MS now since 1996, my balance isn’t very good. So, I’m in my basement in my stocking feet–which can be very slippery on a smooth surface–just ask any MSer!
I began to lose my balance and reached for the closest thing, which was the green pole you see in the picture.
Firmly holding the pole, my feet slipped out from under me and I began falling AND spinning around the pole like a Tetherball–MayDay ribbon–Female dancer(your choice) until I landed flat on my back on the floor, the back of my head hitting the concrete with a thud.
I laid there for a moment to regroup and make sure I was OK. Then, I went on with my day.”
Ouch! Thank you Odd Sock.
Let’s see what our judges think of your fall.
Alfredo…
Alfredo scores it a "10"
“It wasa saavy anda spectacular! Ten!
Cassandra, how do you rate My Odd Sock’s fall?…
A "10" from Cassandra!
“Oh Tom, I was spellbound! I give him a 10.”
Lastly, we hear from the cold cup of tea, Ian Foul. Ian….
A "7" from the Brit
“Wha, no injury? A bloody waste of me time! I give it a “7″.
That’s 27 total points for My Odd Sock and it brings us to the end of our show!
Stay on your feet everbody and thank you for joining us on “Falling With The Stars!”
Good night!
My Odd Sock with the judges
Big bucket of "fear."
When you receive a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis–fear becomes a big part of the equation.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future.
Will I be able to walk? Will I be in a wheelchair?
But as time goes by, your fear subsides. It doesn’t go away…it just lurks in the background, only to surface now and again when you have a weak, emotional moment.
Some 15 years after my dx, I realize my early fears have come true! I can’t run. I walk like Otis from “The Andy Griffith Show.” I use a cane. And a wheelchair.
With what appears to be nothing left to fear, I quickly recognize my greatest fear of all…..(No, not that Newty Gingrich wants to be president)…because of me, are my kids prone to get MS?
All of the literature says multiple sclerosis isn’t passed on by genetics. Yet, the first question any doctor will ask is “Does anyone else in your family have MS?”
Holy crap! What gives?
I would be devastated–absolutely crushed–mortified if my kids got MS because of my swell DNA.
And now I find myself closely watching them to notice any signs–any MS signal flares, that I experienced when I was their age.
My Odd Swami Sock
It’s crazy, I know.
As a parent, I want the ability to look into a crystal ball (or a snow globe as pictured) to see into the future for their welfare.
Then again, even if I could see into the future, there is nothing one could do to change it.
I suppose my “greatest fear” is nothing different than what any parent, who has been dx’d with a disease, worries about on their children’s behalf.
Let me ask you—Do you wonder about passing MS to your kids?
Have you found yourself looking for signs in their behavior that reminds you of MS?
It is my “greatest fear” after all these years. Maybe yours too.
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Sometimes, having multiple sclerosis can lead to some awkward social situations.
And attending a recent party was no exception.
The setting was a lot of people, loud music, in a small space—typically, the perfect scene for your average social animal. But add MS into the mix and you get the hijinks of a bad episode of “Three’s Company.”
Disclaimer:
Let me begin by saying the party hosts were MORE than accomodating to my situation.
They frequently asked if I needed anything– it was my own bull-headed refusal of special treatment that forced the issue.
We now return to My Odd Sock, already in progress…
When you have MS, and you can’t sit—you lean. Leaning against a counter, a table, a door frame or a bosomy party-goer gives you the extra support you need.
"Prop me up before you go-go"
Leaning against a wall worked well for me for a while. But because wall space was a limited commodity, I found a door to lean on. Trouble with this was obvious–doors open. So I found myself in the way of the opening door.
In fact, wherever I stood it seemed I was in the way. Standing by the food–by the drinks–by the trash–by the bathroom, getting around me seemed as difficult as passing a semi-truck on a two-lane road.
Of course, having a “three-point stance” (Cane & two fumble feet) wider than that of an offensive tackle—it’s difficult NOT to be in the way!
Is that a chair or My Odd Sock at a party?
I had to move around a little bit for two reasons.
One, to keep my stiff legs from becoming stiffer like volcanized steel.
And two–if I didn’t move, people would start hanging their coats on me!
Finally, I noticed some open counter space, so I made my move to lean there.
That’s when I met my friend.
We introduced ourselves and exchanged the usual idol chit-chat.
“So, what do you do?” he asked.
It is a question I still grapple with, but I answered anyway…”I’m on disability.”
“For what?” he asked.
“I have MS.”
(Trombone sound effect)…Waah Waaaaaaaaah.
(Robot voice)…”C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O-N K-I-L-L-J-O-Y”
Just call me “Little Dougie Downer” because at that moment the air in the room was sucked out with the woosh of a Hoover!
My friend could only muster a weak “Oh……..that’s bad” before quickly fleeing to find more uplifting conversation with another guest.
Yes, the party scene can be awkward, but it’s a neccessary part of our acceptance of the disease. We must learn to get on with our normal, everyday lives and make the best of every situation that falls in our laps.
We, as MSers, are a tough breed. We’ve dealt with a lot. And we can handle the extra-helping of chaos that life sometimes serves up.
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
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This time of year, it seems we find ourselves up to our nanny parts with “top ten, year in review” type junk.
And here at My Odd Sock (because I am as lame as all the rest), we offer all the same!
This “Not So Top Ten” list includes the best of the worst My Odd Sock’s from the past year. What makes them “top ten?” Nothing really. Just old posts I found interesting–and maybe you will too!
To read (and gag) a particular My Odd Sock, just visit the box on the bottom right and open the month of the post you want.
So, in no particular order are the My Odd Sock “Not So Top Ten For 2011.”
MS, one cool disease
1. “Q&A With MS” April 2011. My Odd Sock interviews the one & only MS. You’ll see this disease in a whole new light in this ridiculous profile.
2. “Tupperware Mating Season” March 2011. Ever wonder where all those plastic bowls under your cabinet come from? Odd Sock uncovers the truth in this Discovery Channel-type documentary.
3. “Roll Model” August 2011. In this post we discussed who we really look up to. Who is your MS role model? You may be surprised!
Texting made easy!
4. “MS Texting Shortcuts” September 2011. Here you learned a few texting shortcuts specifically created for those with MS.
OMG it’s good!
5. “My Odd Sock Christmas Wish List” December 2011. About as funny as a poop cramp. See what should have been on your Christmas list this year.
Nice outline! You got no fingers.
6. “MSurvivalist” February 2011. My Odd Sock nearly dies of exposure in this chilling account about a trip to the mailbox.
7. “My Ride At The Amusement Park” June 2011. It’s all fun & games till you can’t walk after a ride on a roller coaster! Buckle in for safety as you are in for a ride.
8. “Why Me?” March 2011. Have you ever pondered why you ended up with multiple sclerosis? My Odd Sock tries to make sense of it all in this serious (yeah, really) write-up.
9. “Naming Your MS Blog” August 2011. Starting your own blog is as simple as choosing an available domain name. Here are a few suggestions from this summer post.
My Odd Sock mail call!
10. “Opportunity Of A Lifetime” April 2011. Doors are opening for MOS with the ultimate dream job. Join me as opportunity knocks…for a limited time!
That’s the wraps for the “Not So Top Ten for 2011.”
It has been a tremendous year here at My Odd Sock (Not really).
Thank you for reading this epitome of bad grammar and copyright infringement.
Therefore, if you haven’t lapsed into a coma by now—we’ll see you in 2012.
Happy New Year!
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Due to shear laziness, here is a old My Odd Sock to bide your time.
Enjoy!
In previous posts, I’ve made it clear that having multiple sclerosis makes even the simplest tasks most challenging.
That’s one reason why I’m given the ‘two minute warning” before my family is about to leave. The early warning gives me an extra couple of minutes to get my mojo in motion. Why?…because species evolve faster than I move!
So today I would like to tell you about another of those simple challenges, and that is….clipping my toenails.
For you, a trim of the toenails is a quick couple of snips and you’re done. But for me, and those with MS, “cuttin the claws” can be a huge undertaking! (Maybe that’s one reason I let them grow till they “clickety-clack” on the hardwood floor.)
The Tools
It’s been said ” a craftsman is only as good as his tools.” Whereas you may be able to use those cute little fingernail clippers—they’re just way too fiddly for my fumble-some fingers.
The muther of clippers.
That’s why I use the biggest, baddest mondo clippers on the market. The Ringling Brothers use these baby’s to trim the nails of the pachyderms!
And I love’em because these clippers “catch” the flying nail shrapnel. You see, my toenails are thick like a heavy slice of onion and as hard as an oyster shell. Why I’ve seen my flying toenail bits impale themselves into oak cabinetry—like podiatry Ninja throwing stars!
So if you are having trouble with this portion of personal hygiene, I suggest getting a pair of these gems. They are heaven!
The Process
I generally do my pedicure work in one central construction zone.
My area of choice is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, bending forward at the waist to clip my nails.
The ergonomic problem with this is balancing my middle age ass, Olga Corbett style, along the four-inch balance-beam rim that is, the side of my tub. Of course, my exaggerated leaning forward body posture produces a self-induced Heimlich maneuver as my thighs compress my gut. I’ll snip between “urps!”
When you add it up… MS’s lack of balance, weakened, fumble-fingers, fatigue, yada-yada-yada…you can see the simple things in life are a bit more challenging. Our job is to use our noggins to figure out the best way to persevere.
And we do…..two gnarly feet at a time.
They re-run those TV Christmas specials year after year, so why not do the same with a Christmas “My Odd Sock.”
Here goes…
“The Odd Stocking was hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.”
* * * * * * * *
Saw this Christmas display in my neighborhood……
- Where’s the tire pump?
Nothing captures the spirit of our Savior like an inflatable nativity scene!
And please, no comments about Mary being a blow-up doll.
The very best to you and your family from all of us (me) at My Odd Sock.
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Up & down. Up & down. One must be describing the New York Stock Exchange, right? (No, that would be mostly down.) How about a public opinion poll? Or maybe gas prices? (No, that would be mostly up!)
Specifically, what I am trying to explain is my activity level.
You see, I can’t sit still. Ants in the pants. Hyper. (Yeah, I WISH that was the reason!)
I get up and move a lot. Because if I don’t—spasticity hits me like a semi-truck.
And you may be just the same!
Fifteen to twenty minutes–maybe a half-hour, is all it takes before “stiffness” locks us on target with the accuracy of a fighter plane’s gunsight.
MS putting the squeeze on
Sit far too long and when you rise…be slapped back to reality with a full-body spasm that forces you to stand there like a mannequin at Macy’s!
Spasticity’s timer makes it difficult to attend things like school assembly’s, sporting events, movies, church services and AA meetings.
Yes, I have worn those pants…and it is not fun!
So I am up & down as often as a Duncan yo-yo.
Family members tell me to sit down and relax. But you know how that goes—we have MS, so we are always twitching, moving & fidgeting as though we sat on our car keys!
My Odd Sock Labs' detailed study
In fact, at My Odd Sock Labs, researchers have conducted a study of my “up & down” activity as represented by the graph to the right.
I go like this (a hamster on a wheel) until I can’t go anymore…
M.O.S. is D.O.A.
…and I crash. Falling into a chair. Or onto the couch. Or just plain falling.
“A body at rest, stays at rest.”
I think about that phrase quite often. And so I move. And I encourage you to do the same.
Move what you can—when you can—for as far as you can. It’s as simple as that.
Do you have the “up & down” feeling? How do you handle the urge to move when MS makes it difficult to do so?
Well, I’ll end this discussion as I have been sitting here for 90 minutes now, and I am NOT looking forward to the impending spasm which will greet me like the family dog as I fumble to my feet.
But, I suppose it is better than the opposite!
Dear Santa,
Hope you are well.
I have been a good MSer this year.
Listed below are some things I would like for Christmas……
Soap-On-A-Rope- It is amazing how many times the bar of soap slips from my hands during a shower.
I end up kicking the soap with the foot skills of a soccer player to get it into the proper position for me to bend over & pick it up.
My feet get cleaner than the rest of me!
Cane Tip- Yes, the rubber end of my cane. I walk so slow, yet the tip of my cane wears out so fast. What gives? I need something like a radial tip! I even rotate it—twisting it around so it wears evenly. How pathetic!
The Cure- Not an MS cure. “The Cure”, the band.
Seriously, I don’t anticipate a cure in my lifetime, I just hope for the sake of our kids they don’t have to go through what we do!
Velcro Shirt- Santa, how ’bout a dress shirt with velcro fasteners, instead of buttons!
Cripes, the other day, it took me over 15 minutes to button a dress shirt. When I was done–my hands & fumble-fingers were friggin exhausted!
“I’m Not Deaf–I Have MS” t-shirt- Why do people talker louder & slower to me? I am in a wheelchair–NOT on the short bus!
Fashionable Bowling Shoes- Not to bowl in—to walk in! Some good sliders. I shuffle when I walk, so bowling shoes would work great!
Most shoes grip the floor like cleats on a football field.
I end up doing so many face plants, the shine on my head is from floor wax!
Winter-Chill rolling
All-Weather Rollator- I would love a rollator that comes with a heated seat and anti-lock brakes for winter walking….
…yet, has a beverage cooler for those hot, summer days!
Bed Ejector- Lately, getting out of bed has been difficult. With full-body spasms & muscle tightness, I claw & scramble like a bug on its back. A bed ejector would launch me to my wobbly feet!
G-Force Toilet Seat- Exerting downward g-forces would make going potty so much easier! (And make me feel like Tom Cruise in “Top Gun.”) I gotta go, but I can’t…”Maverick, let’s do a barrel roll to get the flow started!”
The Waist-band GPS
Waist-band GPS- Because you don’t know when—you might as well know where!
Pants with a built-in GPS would tell you where the nearest bathroom is located!
Guaranteed, you’ll never leave home without it!
So Santa, that is what I want for Christmas this year.
Please tell Rudolph and Mrs. Claus I said hi. Thank you.
Your friend,
My Odd Sock
P.S. I will leave cookies & milk for you!
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