It’s time to flush out those icky thoughts that are clogging our brains.  Yes, it is “Brain Drain” time!

Office of Consumer Research

My Odd Sock’s Consumer Research Department (me) has been hard at work uncovering the latest developments in cultural annoyances. 

Here are just a few of our findings….

Obituary Photos  

We can all admit to looking at the photos placed in the newspaper’s Obituary section.  Publishing a photo of the deceased is a touching, final tribute to one’s passing and a lasting remembrance for family and friends.

But as president of the “Nosy Nancy” Club, I object to printing a picture taken 40 or 50 years ago without some type of “age/photo disclaimer.”

As a past winner of the “Gladys Kravitz Award”, your meddlesome author will see a picture of a good-looking guy and say “He looks damn good for…78?”  But turns out the photo was taken in 1965!

My beef is nit-picky I know, but admit it, you’ve had similar thoughts!  Let’s move on.

Heinz Times 

For many years, Heinz has tried to make improvements to the ketchup bottle.  They have evolved from glass to plastic…to the “upside-down” plastic bottle (I never know exactly how to put it back in the fridge!)…to the latest in technologically advanced ketchup delivery systems.

Today’s bottle is equipped with a rubber diaphragm bladder that makes getting a dollop of the red stuff near impossible.

First, you have to give the bottle an anaconda-like death squeeze (A similar move to The Sheik’s “sleeper hold” in the old days of Big Time Wrestling.)  Next, you will hear a very slight burp, followed by a delayed, money-shot of ketchup; a glob about the size of the state of Delaware!

The bottle needs some sort of “aiming scope” as the accuracy of the opening is nil, and ketchup usually ends up running out the sides of your “samich.”

I have even tried performing a “bladder-ectomy,” removing the diaphram for easier condiment distribution.  (Yes, I have too much time on my hands.)

Enough said.  Let’s move on yet again.

Designer Snuggie 

Now I know every joke imaginable has been written about the Snuggie, the popular reverse-bathrobe lounging blanket.  Actually, I think the Snuggie is ingenious and happen to know someone who absolutely loves his Snuggie.

My problem is with the latest commercial touting the “Designer Snuggie.”

It says “When are you gonna make one that looks a little more stylish for me?”  The commercial then goes on to introduce the new Snuggie Designer Series.

Ah, you’re thinking a dignified Herringbone tweed?  Or maybe a beautiful Waverly Print?

No, the Snuggie Designer Series comes in Leopard, Zebra or Camel styles!  Straight from the African Game Preserve to your couch. 

 Camel?…Where’s the hump?  You look like a hump wearing it!

Who’s the designer for these?…Joan Embry of the San Diego Zoo?

I’m not lounging in a designer Snuggie, I may get shot by a poacher.

And now they have a Snuggie for your pet, have you seen this?  Don’t get me started.  Maybe I’ll save it for the next Brain Drain.  Till next time.