Sit back & listen
You can’t watch TV without seeing a commercial for “Five Hour Energy,” the little bottle taken to increase your energy.
Well, here is a new product parody, written by My Odd Sock and produced by Tony Gialuca Productions, just click on the title at the end of this sentence to hear a :60 mp3 version of Three Hour Leg Cramp
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Bonus Nonsense:
“Eureka!”….”Stop the presses!”….”Watson, come here. I need you!”….and any other phrase that signifies a great new discovery…..
Cottonelle is asking you to “Experience the ripple effect,” the revolutionary tool in personal cleansing!
It’s just a matter of time before Cottonelle’s “Ripple effect” toilet paper becomes bigger than the Wright Brother’s second invention—the air-sick bag!
Why just the other day I remember saying to myself “I wish my toilet paper had a texture—like my potato chips!
Am I wiping with toilet paper? Or corduroy? (Wonder if wiping makes the same sound as walking in cords?….”Vft, vft, vft, vft, vft.”)
The ad says Cottonelle Clean Care TP is “Now 30% stronger”—yep, guaranteed to remove a layer of skin!
The ad continues “..with extra-absorbent ripples.” Sorry, but if you need that much absorbency, you don’t need toilet paper—you need Kaopectate!
Maybe just step into the shower when you are done!
“Cottonelle Clean Care Toilet Paper cares for you like no other roll.” Yes, they are the only ones offering a skin graft after each use!
Rippled toilet paper? I’ll pass. My regular Cottonelle works just fine.
It’s time once again for “Brain Drain.”
Time to open the pressure valve of My Odd Sock’s melon-head and let loose with some oddball subject matter.
Buckle your seat belt and let’s open the floodgates like a Louisiana levee. Off we go……
Proof of Purchase
Waistline’s aren’t the only things getter larger these days. Have you noticed the length of paper receipts you get from the store?
Bigger is better, I guess
Yes, store receipts! As long as your arm!
Like this receipt from Lowe’s. I only bought one item….and my receipt is 14 inches long! Why?
It is too big for my wallet–too big to fit in the shopping bag. And if I wad it up and shove it in my pants pocket, I end up looking like singer Tom Jones stuffing the front of my trousers!
A lot of stores put coupons or special offers on their receipts. Also pictured here is the receipt from my latest gas purchase. On this 10 inch long receipt, they feel the need to alert me to “Redeem this receipt for an all-beef cheese weiner for $.99 cents.”
Nah, I’m sorry but the Flying J Fuel Depot isn’t my first choice for fine cuisine.
Save the paper both of you! Cripes, the Dead Sea Scrolls used less!
Let’s move onward…..
One Ringy Dingy
Wow, a pay phone!
I noticed this pay phone the other day. It caught my eye because you just don’t see them like you use to.
Nowadays, everyone has a cell phone, so pay phones are practically extinct!
Where did I find this pay phone you ask?….
Who'd a thunk it!
…At the epicenter of peculiar oddities—the neighborhood Wal-Mart, of course!
That store has everything!
Next…..
Looking up
Abilify to the rescue!
Have you seen the TV commercial for the drug Abilify?
Abilify is a “add-on depression treatment.” If your current depression med isn’t cutting the mustard, instead of switching to one of the other 50 available depression meds, you simply take Abilify to jumpstart your crappy, non-working depression medication.
In other words, Abilify is the Five Hour Energy/Amp/Monster/Red Bull of looney pills!
I love the commercial’s long list of side effects. If you aren’t depressed by now, you WILL BE after you hear the list!
They include…”increased risk of stroke…increased risk of coma or death in the elderly…high fever…rigid muscles (got’em already)…shaking…confusion (ditto)…sweating…increased heart rate and blood pressure…vomiting (woo)…constipation (double woo)…dizziness…lightheadedness or faintness…decrease in white blood cells…can impact you body’s ability to reduce body temperature…unexpected increases in thirst, urination or hunger (yikes!)…and uncontrollable movements of face, tongue or other body parts (what does THAT mean?) may become permanent.”
She seems happy on Abilify!
And that is just the short list!
I’d rather be depressed. I’ll pass on Abilify.
Wow, that was a long Brain Drain. But I feel better.
Let loose with something that has been pulling your nose hair in a comment.
You’ll feel much better for draining your brain, I promise!
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Sit back & listen
It’s time for some listening fun!
You might have seen the TV commercials for “Five Hour Energy.” (When the guy tying his tie comes down the stairs, I think he looks like Michael J. Fox)
Well, here is an mp3 audio commercial for a new product by the same makers. To listen, just click on the title at the end of this sentence to hear Three Hour Leg Cramp
Audio Earwax Double-Shot!
Have you heard radio commercials for Get A Free Laptop.com?
Well, My Odd Sock along with Tony Gialluca Productions, are proud to announce a new service from the same company!
To hear the mp3 audio parody, just click on the title at the end of this sentence for Get A Free Lapdance Dot Com
G.N.P. stands for Gross National Product…and nothing proves that America has the grossest national products MORE than the catalog I received in the mail!
Because within the 67 full-color pages…are examples of this country’s greatest works of ingenuity!
As a kid I loved this stuff, usually found on the back page of a comic book. Disappearing ink, bloody mouth candy, belch powder–where else can you find treasures like these?
Today, I’m 47 years old, and still slowly devouring this catalog, page by page, soaking in the items I gotta have…and some I don’t need.
Here is just a sample of what was inside….
Doggy Do Ornament. Nice. Nothings says Christmas like a tree trimmed in fecal matter! You can buy one for the mere price of $6.98. But, if you order 2 or more ornaments, you’ll pay just $6.39 each. That’s a 59 cent savings!
Lots of items that fart!
The catalog contained numerous items that farted, tooted, pooted and ripped. Remote-controlled, push-button, motion-censored—you name it—you’ll find it here. So many “noisy” items in fact, I believe if aliens came to Earth and studied this catalog, they would plug their breathing orbitals and high tail it back to their own galaxy—because we seem to be obsessed with gas!
Designer apparel
Here is another swell item…the Beer Holder Sweatshirt.
Apparently, this clothier beat Nike and Under Armor in patenting this unique design!
(What’s that on top? Is it a hood, a hat or a shroud?)
Here, we have the Mullet Wig Cap.
Like you don’t see enough of these at the neighborhood WalMart.
Why do I get the feeling most of the customers ordering from this catalog already sport a mullet?
Finally, we have these two selections. The Electronic Yodelling Pickle. Yes, can’t say I’ve ever seen one of these before! The pickle comes with three extra batteries–like you’ll ever need them. One push of the yodelling pickle is enough for me.
The Security Briefs are a clever idea. But do you really need the “skidmark” on the backside? Single folks, don’t wear these on a date. If your evening goes well–you’ll have some explaining to do! (What a mood killer!)
So, there you have it, some of America’s grossest national products. “Major credit cards accepted” and “orders are accepted 24 hours everyday.”
I’m just glad it doesn’t cost anything to just look—and laugh!
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It’s time for some listening fun!
You’ve heard about Five Hour Energy, the little boost in a bottle. Well, now My Odd Sock presents a parody of a new product. Just click on the name at the end of the sentence to hear an mp3 comedy bit about Three Hour Leg Cramp.
Three Hour Leg Cramp was written by My Odd Sock and produced by Tony Gialluca Productions. Enjoy!
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I don’t know about you but I find this sign to be backwards.
Remember the day when the pharmacy was inside and the ATM was outside?
I suppose I’m an old fuddy-duddy. I just thought this sign was funny.
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