My Odd Sock

Sit back & listen

Healthcare costs keep rising.  But you DO have a choice. 

Screaming Mercy Hospital allows you get the proper medical care you need–at a cost savings to fit your budget.

To hear the My Odd Sock mp3 :60 piece, just click on the title at the end of this sentence for Screaming Mercy Hospital

Screaming Mercy Hospital was written by My Odd Sock and produced by Tony Gialluca Productions.

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Favorite Comments of the week.

“I’m nervous to be getting breast enlargement.  Can anyone reccomend a cosmetic surgery doctor in the Phoenix area?”

                                           -Fernando

My Odd Sock says:  Yes, Fernando, I would be nervous too about getting breast enlargement surgery–especially if I was a dude!  Good luck.

“Exceedingly well written piece you have here.”

                                       -Attracting Women Tips

My Odd Sock says:  This comment included a link to a site called “Attracting Women Fast.”

Unfortunately, this comment was in response to my posting titled “This Dribble Is On Me” describing how MS has ruined my bladder control.  The story also detailed how I tinkled in my yard when I couldn’t make it into the house!  The first tip should be….Don’t wee in your pants!

“I hope you don’t mind, I linked your website to my website.”

                                               -Richardo

My Odd Sock says:  Thanks Richardo, I appreciate it…..I think.

(Richardo’s website is “Enlarge-Your-Manhood-The-Natural-Way.)

After spending some time in my yard “tending the crops,” I thought of a new TV show (maybe I was in the sun too long).

See what you think…..

           “Gardening With Gimps” 

Welcome to HGTV’s “Gardening With Gimps.”  I’m your host My Odd Sock

“Gardening With Gimps” host My Odd Sock

here to share a few landscaping stories on how I get things done around the outside of the My Odd Sock corporate headquarters.

We’re on the clock, so let’s get started….

Tools For Fools.

They say a craftsman is only as good as his tools.  Well, if that’s the case, I would be slightly lower on a scale of tool evolution than a caveman because I have a motley collection of crap tools.  Fisher-Price makes better stuff.

My Odd Sock corporate broom

Take for instance my garage broom.

My incredible shrinking broom.

Someone must have done one helluva lot of sweeping because all of a sudden the bristles of this broom were receding faster than my hairline.

My son suggested a “varmit” was eating the broom.  The jury is still out on what happened to my scalp!

Trimming, not Praying

My neighbor commented on how nice my yard looks.  He said “You are always crawling around, working on it.”

Those of you with multiple sclerosis understand how difficult it is to walk on grass….loss of balance, foot drop….heck, I’d rather get down and crawl to do my trimming.

When crawling, ALWAYS be on "turd alert"

I’ve even been known to sit on my mechanic’s creeper and roll my way down the driveway, gleefully trimming away.

(Is it any wonder my antics have lowered property values in my neighborhood?)

 I have been asked by many why I don’t use my weed wacker to trim.

Here again, unless I suddenly develop  the dexterity of a lemur in my feet—I don’t have enough hands!

The weed wacker takes BOTH hands  to operate.

I need another hand for my cane.

Maybe if I had an “ass-cane”, I could clench a balancing stick with my butt cheeks!

My Odd Sock "Butt-Balancer"

Now, it’s beginning to sound like a vaudeville act.  I just need a few spinning plates and I’ll soon be doing two shows nightly in the Catskills.

Water Me

The hose grips my feet like a python

Watering my flowers is a whole other episode of fun.  Combine me walking on grass…holding a cane…AND a cumbersome, water-spewing hose.  I get more wet than the plants!

I’ve seen guys wrangle a rattlesnake with greater ease!

Don't let it get you

Rattler or garden hose?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add it all up and simple, gardening chores get a lot more challenging when you throw MS into the mix.

Let’s hope your “tending the crops” comes easier!

For HGTV’s “Gardening With Gimps” this has been My Odd Sock asking “…Is that smell ME or the compost pile?”

 

Joran van der Sloot is the young Dutch playboy who was twice-arrested, twice-released in the 2005 Aruba disappearance of Natalee Holloway.

And now, five years later in Peru, this goof-ball struck again by beating another young woman to death, supposedly because she looked at his laptop computer.

Imagine what he might do if you were his roommate and you ate his leftover pizza!

You, like most, are bored by the overworked, over-hyped, Nancy Grace-like publicity this guy has mustered.

Yet, here I sit fascinated by this dumb Dutchman.  Here’s why…

My Odd Sock vacationed in Aruba just a mere month before Natalee Holloway vanished.

In fact, I stayed in the very same hotel—the Holiday Inn of Aruba.  (Yes, I am a high-class traveler….”Kids, steal a couple little soaps from the maid’s cart as you walk past.”)

When the Holloway case first broke, I recognized many of of the background shots taken by reporters in and around the hotel.  Plus, one of the early suspects was a security guard from the hotel.  I recognized him on the news because he gave me the evil eye during my stay as I rolled thru the lobby in my wheelchair.

From day one I thought van der Sloot was guilty.

I wanted to personally beat him with wooden shoes.

(Do the Dutch wear wooden shoes?)

Joran claimed to have buried Natalee Holloway’s body.  I never believed that either.  For one, Aruba is a volcanic desert.  You can only dig a few inches before hitting petrified, volcanic lava.  And two, the Slootmeister was 17 at the time—what teen carries a pick-axe capable of cracking lava rock?

Aruba is a small island off the coast of Venezuela.  It’s only about 17 miles long and 7 miles wide, so you can drive around the entire place in about an hour.

The Aruba Holiday Inn sits on the southern side (facing Venezuela) and has a beach with a waveless, smooth-as-glass waterfront.  But on the other side of Aruba (facing the Atlantic Ocean), the waves are vicious, forcefully hitting the rocky shoreline causing sprays of water to go 30 feet in the air.

In my opinion, Slooty never buried Holloway’s body—he dumped her into the ocean on Aruba’s wild side where she quickly became shark chum.

This is a cheery story—ain’t it!  And timely too!  My Odd Sock has become a “CSI” for morons!  Maybe next time, I’ll offer my thoughts on Amelia Earhart.  Holy crap, I can hardly wait!

So there you have it….a long post to simply say I am glad Wunder-Sloot has been put behind bars—finally.  Unfortunately, it took another young woman’s life to make it happen.

What will helmet-head-hair Nancy Grace yak about now?

I never really gave it much thought—vitamin D and MS?

I heard about a possible connection, but blew it off because my formative years were filled with plenty of sunshine and a belly full of dairy products every day.

How on Earth could I have developed multiple sclerosis?

But, about a year ago, a blood test revealed my levels of vitamin D were below average.  Very fitting I thought as “below average” was also a good description of my GPA, IQ and athletic ability.

Actually, my low vitamin D level was considered normal for folks living here in NE Ohio.  You see, many share a “D” deficiency as we have the fewest days of sunshine than anywhere in the U.S.  (Rumor has it that’s why the military built an arsenal here—so spy satellites couldn’t get a clear picture.)

So I now take a monthly vitamin D supplement as do many other MSers.

Although I have not been retested, I gotta believe my vitamin D levels have improved.

The Funny Meter

Yeah, yeah, I figured the Funny Meter would rear its ugly head.

Yo, Funny Meter, I’m talking about vitamins here—how funny can it get?

I never met a Nutritionist who plays the clubs in Vegas.  Give me a break will ya!

Sorry for the disruption.

Chocolate 1%

What I think is interesting is how my body may have been telling me it needs more vitamin D all along.

Like a pregnant woman with crazy food cravings, your body is a pretty sharp tack as it lets you know when it needs something.

Maybe my body has been craving more sunlight as I love natural, outdoor light.  I can’t stand a dark room as I must open curtains & blinds to let in the sunshine.

Thinking back, I have had this attraction to natural light for years.  (Much like my attraction to that poster of Farrah Fawcett!)

Are you one with MS who like me loves to throw open the curtains?  (Just make sure you are wearing pants.)

Do you pay attention to your vitamin D levels?

And if you’ve made adjustments, did you notice any improvement in the management of your MS?

Curious as a cow.  Moo.

Georgie Boy

’80’s pop star George Michael sang about it (and showed it to others in a public restroom).

I’m yaking about “religious” faith and what role it plays in your life with multiple sclerosis, cancer, or any disease that has been the subject of a movie on the Lifetime Network.

It’s been said never to discuss are the two subjects of politics and religion.  Well, since I’ve already spoken about politics (”State of Politics”), I might as well write about religion too!

First, let me say I’m not a religious person.  I don’t attend church on a regular basis–never have.

I just never felt comfortable in an organized setting.

Seeing myself as a “spiritual” person, I get more out of quiet thought at an ocean…on top of a mountain…in a forest…a flower garden…or watching the clouds.

Praying most nights before sleep (and between leg spasms!), I ask for blessing of family & friends as well as those who are sick, suffering, hungry and cold.

I say thank you for a day of mobility & wellness but rarely ask for anything except “creativity” (as some of these My Odd Sock’s are rather lame!).

Hey there, it's me.

Other folks (and some with MS) are quite the opposite, attending church while enjoying the shared faith and fellowship of others.

Who is better off, I wonder.

Would my MS not have progressed had I attended church every Sunday.  Or taken religion more seriously?

Am I (or we) being punished for something we did or didn’t do?  (I’ve read that is a common thought among newly diagnosed MSers.)

Maybe you have had similar thoughts—I would love to hear about them!

Either way, mine, yours or theirs, I see faith as a crutch (or cane in my case).  A means of support to stand stronger.

Faith gives us peace of mind in a crazy world.

Throw in a side order of disease, like MS, and faith gives us hope.

I suppose hope is all we are seeking in the end, anyway.  How we find it is as different as our personalities—and our disease.

Here’s to George Michael for reminding us we gotta have faith.

Who needs meditation?  Why see a therapist?  The best way to clear your mind is Brain Drain!

So lets throw all that cooked spaghetti on the wall and we’ll see what sticks!

Away we go……

Good Sportsmanship

NFL on Fox

I’m a huge fan of sports on TV, but I get a chuckle out of watching the pre-game shows.

In particular, I’m amazed at how many people the networks think are necessary to analyze/break-down/predict the game.

Ex-jocks, coaches, GM’s, beer vendors, parking lot attendants…there are so many dudes talking about the game , they can’t even fit them all into one shot on camera!

I believe during the NBA playoffs , they had five guys in studio.  But the best is NFL on Fox.  Fox uses as many as seven “experts” in their pre-game chats.

It’s football for crying out loud.

Why do we need SEVEN different perspectives on a game?

Seven?  There were less people at The Last Supper!

Let’s move on.

Pulitzer-Smulitzer

TMZ

They call it TV journalism.

Holy crap, I get more news reading Grit!

It’s the entertainment news show called TMZ.

TMZ’s premise is set in a loosely-veiled “newsroom” where hip “journalists”, barely out of puberty, pitch their story ideas to their boss, aka the “News Director.”

The boss is the grizzled veteran who then decides which story to run with.

Shall we cover where Tom Cruise took a whiz?  Or, Tori Spelling’s latest shopping excursion?

Who the hell cares?

I like watching the “News Director.”  He is always leaning on something with his arms folded.  His hairy forearms remind me of a Lowland Gorilla.  And he incessantly gulps so much coffee he’s bound to overwork his kidneys into Renal Failure.

I would gladly watch the community announcements channel rather than this garbage.  Save your brain cells and skip TMZ.

I’ll Have Another Cold One

Rocky Mountain High

I am not a beer drinker, but I come from a family of big beer drinkers.  In fact, the county of my hometown routinely ranks among the top in beer consumption per capita in the country!

So I can say I know my way around the beer aisle at the convenience store.

But recently, the Coors Brewing Company came out with the revolutionary “cold activation window” on bottles of Coors Light.

This ingenious “whatever” tells me my beer is cold when the mountains on the label turn blue in color.

Hmm, do I really need this?

Seriously?

Did someone pop the top on a brewski…take a swig…and then realize their beer wasn’t cold?

Are you kidding me?

Due to my MS, I’m numb from about the nipples down—my hands don’t have much sensation—but I can still tell when my beer is cold!

Coors, the Rocky Mountain beer for idiots.  Thanks Pete Coors, now I have one less thing to worry about when I drink!

So you wanna drain your brain?  Let me have it and clear your head.  You’ll feel better, I promise.

Till next time.