My Odd Sock

Georgie Boy

’80’s pop star George Michael sang about it (and showed it to others in a public restroom).

I’m yaking about “religious” faith and what role it plays in your life with multiple sclerosis, cancer, or any disease that has been the subject of a movie on the Lifetime Network.

It’s been said never to discuss are the two subjects of politics and religion.  Well, since I’ve already spoken about politics (”State of Politics”), I might as well write about religion too!

First, let me say I’m not a religious person.  I don’t attend church on a regular basis–never have.

I just never felt comfortable in an organized setting.

Seeing myself as a “spiritual” person, I get more out of quiet thought at an ocean…on top of a mountain…in a forest…a flower garden…or watching the clouds.

Praying most nights before sleep (and between leg spasms!), I ask for blessing of family & friends as well as those who are sick, suffering, hungry and cold.

I say thank you for a day of mobility & wellness but rarely ask for anything except “creativity” (as some of these My Odd Sock’s are rather lame!).

Hey there, it's me.

Other folks (and some with MS) are quite the opposite, attending church while enjoying the shared faith and fellowship of others.

Who is better off, I wonder.

Would my MS not have progressed had I attended church every Sunday.  Or taken religion more seriously?

Am I (or we) being punished for something we did or didn’t do?  (I’ve read that is a common thought among newly diagnosed MSers.)

Maybe you have had similar thoughts—I would love to hear about them!

Either way, mine, yours or theirs, I see faith as a crutch (or cane in my case).  A means of support to stand stronger.

Faith gives us peace of mind in a crazy world.

Throw in a side order of disease, like MS, and faith gives us hope.

I suppose hope is all we are seeking in the end, anyway.  How we find it is as different as our personalities—and our disease.

Here’s to George Michael for reminding us we gotta have faith.

Who needs meditation?  Why see a therapist?  The best way to clear your mind is Brain Drain!

So lets throw all that cooked spaghetti on the wall and we’ll see what sticks!

Away we go……

Good Sportsmanship

NFL on Fox

I’m a huge fan of sports on TV, but I get a chuckle out of watching the pre-game shows.

In particular, I’m amazed at how many people the networks think are necessary to analyze/break-down/predict the game.

Ex-jocks, coaches, GM’s, beer vendors, parking lot attendants…there are so many dudes talking about the game , they can’t even fit them all into one shot on camera!

I believe during the NBA playoffs , they had five guys in studio.  But the best is NFL on Fox.  Fox uses as many as seven “experts” in their pre-game chats.

It’s football for crying out loud.

Why do we need SEVEN different perspectives on a game?

Seven?  There were less people at The Last Supper!

Let’s move on.

Pulitzer-Smulitzer

TMZ

They call it TV journalism.

Holy crap, I get more news reading Grit!

It’s the entertainment news show called TMZ.

TMZ’s premise is set in a loosely-veiled “newsroom” where hip “journalists”, barely out of puberty, pitch their story ideas to their boss, aka the “News Director.”

The boss is the grizzled veteran who then decides which story to run with.

Shall we cover where Tom Cruise took a whiz?  Or, Tori Spelling’s latest shopping excursion?

Who the hell cares?

I like watching the “News Director.”  He is always leaning on something with his arms folded.  His hairy forearms remind me of a Lowland Gorilla.  And he incessantly gulps so much coffee he’s bound to overwork his kidneys into Renal Failure.

I would gladly watch the community announcements channel rather than this garbage.  Save your brain cells and skip TMZ.

I’ll Have Another Cold One

Rocky Mountain High

I am not a beer drinker, but I come from a family of big beer drinkers.  In fact, the county of my hometown routinely ranks among the top in beer consumption per capita in the country!

So I can say I know my way around the beer aisle at the convenience store.

But recently, the Coors Brewing Company came out with the revolutionary “cold activation window” on bottles of Coors Light.

This ingenious “whatever” tells me my beer is cold when the mountains on the label turn blue in color.

Hmm, do I really need this?

Seriously?

Did someone pop the top on a brewski…take a swig…and then realize their beer wasn’t cold?

Are you kidding me?

Due to my MS, I’m numb from about the nipples down—my hands don’t have much sensation—but I can still tell when my beer is cold!

Coors, the Rocky Mountain beer for idiots.  Thanks Pete Coors, now I have one less thing to worry about when I drink!

So you wanna drain your brain?  Let me have it and clear your head.  You’ll feel better, I promise.

Till next time.

CCSVI isn’t a roman numeral signifying the latest “Rocky” sequel.

CCSVI is an initialism (not an acronym) that stands for the hottest topic of discussion among MSers since the advent of adult diapers.

CCSVI is short for chronic cerebrospinal venous insufficiency.  Now you know why they call it “CCSVI”—-Kinda like how they shorten the name “Richard” to “Dick” (although I would prefer to be called Richard thank you very much).

Anywho, the skinny on CCSVI is that blood flowing from the brain to the heart is slowed and may even reflow BACK to the brain.

It isn’t yet known what role CCSVI plays in the MS game, but further research is being conducted.  You can read the latest on CCSVI in a special report in the Summer 2010 edition of “Momentum,” the magazine of the National MS Society.  Or, visit their website—I offer a link on the right side of this mess I call My Odd Sock.

Water or Vodka?

Now, I am NOT a scientist, although I sometimes portray one on these pages.

But I do scratch my balding, stability-ball sized head when I think about CCSVI and how it may affect me.

I wonder if CCSVI is the reason I am continuously stretching my neck, cracking my neck, seeking a very brief moment of relief from the constant pressure I feel in the back of my head.

I know of another MSer who has this same habit of cracking his neck on the routine basis.

CCSVI pressure?

I feel as though I have a weight laying on the back of my neck all the time.

Is this a result of CCSVI?

Is there some connection here?

Do you feel pressure in the back of YOUR head?

I can’t tell anything looking at my latest MRI films……

Peanut in a Tin Can

But I have to believe if blood collecting in the back of my head is the cause of this continuous pressure I feel, maybe there IS something to this “chronic cerebrospinal venous insufficiency.”

Hoover Dam or the blood in my head?

(With the size of my head, I also now realize the enormous pressure building behind the Hoover Dam!)

Educate yourself about CCSVI because as you may well know, My Odd Sock is an expert on nothing, only an idiot on everything.

Here’s hoping you have terrific blood flow.

What is it with other drivers these days?

Courtesy has been thrown out the car window like a used cigarette butt.

Everyone has someplace to be and they needed to get there 10 minutes ago.

Driving today has become a lawless world reminiscent of Mel Gibson’s “Thunderdome.”

The old slogan of “Drive defensively” has been replaced with the new in-yer-face version……..

“Where THEY gotta go is more important than where YOU gotta go.”

(Wordy yes, but lots of brash self-importance!)

The finest example of today’s driving perspective can be found in any retail parking lot.

Isn't that Danny Bonaduce?

No lines or speed limits mean they can drive with hellbent abandon.  Not even the parking lots contain these Joie Chitwood stunt drivers as you can now find them rip-roaring through the highways & byways of your local cal-de-sac.

Remember, “where THEY gotta go is more important than where YOU gotta go.”

Hurry, Ashley has dance practice you moron!

Whether the person riding your bumper is “Minivan Mom” or “SUV Blue-Tooth Guy,” how dare you be on the road when they have shit to do (And they always have shit to do).

They have their Blackberry in one hand and a Mocha Latte in the other while they steer with who knows what appendage!

The grill of their vehicle fills the back window of mine like the rear end of a Walmart shopper fills spandex.  So close they follow, you can count the bugs in their radiator.  They are so close their license plate leaves an impression on the back of my head.

How dare they tailgate—don’t they see my Yosemite Sam “Back-off” mudflaps?

And when they go around they give you that despicable look of shame…shaking their head with disapproval & muttering to themselves.

I drive with hand controls so I can’t even “compliment” them on their obnoxious driving—reason to use my patent-pending, hands-free “Flip-Stick”……..

The "Flip Stick."

So no, I haven’t offered a solution to this ongoing problem, I just made light of it.  I’ll present my resolution in another My Odd Sock.  Right now I need to run to the store and then to the Post Office.  If you see me barreling down the road, just remember “where I gotta go is more important than where YOU gotta go.”

It was an unusually warm & sunny afternoon.  After a busy day of activities, I was struggling to climb into my car when he approached.

Magic 8 Ball, what does my future hold?

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

I figured it was a question about my car.  I drive a Honda Fit.  It’s the kind of small car you would expect to see 10 or 12 clowns pile out of at a circus.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you have?” he asked.

His question threw me for a sec.

I assumed he was curious how my head fit into such a little car.  (It’s like squeezing a kickball into a motorcycle helmet!)

“I have MS” I told him.

The guy’s name was Jim and he was just diagnosed with MS a few months earlier.

But he didn’t have to tell me—I could see it in his eyes.

Jim was running scared.

His head was spinning inside.  A million thoughts all at once.

No real focus, just a jumbled mess of fear, confusion, apprehension and hysteria.

Spinning like a top

I know.  We all do.  And if you’ve been told you have cancer, diabetes, heart disease, Aids, whatever—then you know too.

Fourteen years after my diagnosis, I still remember the day I was informed of my MS.  I almost emptied my bladder right there.  Hell, I figured the crinkly paper on the examination table would absorb at least some of it!

And my head began spinning wildly out of control.  Just like Jim’s.  (Or, Lindsay Lohan’s for that matter.)

It took years to calm my thoughts and I vowed to do my best to help others calm their own.

Trim that nose hair!

Thinking back, I realize my unsettled fear was…was what my life has become today.

I walk with a cane, use a wheelchair and live with a smorgasbord of MS quirks.

But the “calmness” comes with the realization that it’s OK.

Sure things could be better–but they could be worse too.  You simply field the grounder that life hits your way.

Jim and I spoke for quite a while.  I answered his questions and addressed his concerns as best I could.  He seemed relieved of some of the pressure he had bottled up inside.  “We’ll talk again” I assured him.  Gotta keep tabs on my new myelin comrade.

If I could offer any advice to those newly diagnosed, I would suggest you talk to another person who has MS.  You will hear a perspective (and hope) not found in books or magazines.  Do anything to keep the pressure from building within.  They key is to avoid running scared.

Dateline:  My Odd Sock Corporate Office

While recovery experts work to stop the ongoing BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, a company spokesman for My Odd Sock, an MS based humor website, announced yet another recently discovered spill.

During a tension-filled press conference, information was disclosed detailing a second disastrous spill.

Major networks including the Golf Channel & the Food Network report the story.

A new leak of a thick, white, cheesy substance occurred on the second shelf in a refrigerator of the My Odd Sock kitchen facility.

The white substance was later identified as “Light Parmesan Alfredo” touting “50% less fat and 33% fewer calories.”

Sources familiar with Alfredo say the tasty sauce is best known as a partner to fettucine, but added “Alfredo is great on veggies & chicken.”

My Odd Sock then released the only known photo of the pending disaster…

The great alfredo spill.

Early estimates indicate Alfredo to be flowing from the source at a rate of two tablespoons per hour.

Experts on the scene were quick to declare no immediate danger to citizens living in the vicinity of the leak.

A sudsy bath for these lucky bottles!

Local wildlife was also safe, although several containers of SunnyD had to be cleansed of the cheesy goo adhering to their outer shells.

Several plans were formulated & reviewed as possible solutions to stopping the flow of Italian delight.

Suck it up!

The first plan involved collecting the spilled Alfredo by use an “insertion tube” or straw.  The sauce would be collected and then consumed.

The idea was abandoned over concerns of “raised cholesterol levels.”

The  second suggested plan centered around construction of a “Containment Perimeter.”

My Odd Sock "Containment Perimeter"

Officials worried the spread of the Parmesan-tainted creme would reach the vegetable crisper.

The “Containment Perimeter” was later dismissed as an ineffective solution.

Finally, a third plan was unveiled as the appropriate rescue alternative.

"We have a plan."

In plan number three, the container would be righted and the lid replaced to form an effective seal preventing future spillage.

A damp dishrag would then be used to wipe up the remaining Alfredo. 

Clean-up efforts were estimated to take approximately five minutes.

How ironic, the BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico…and the great My Odd Sock Alfredo spill.

Two simultaneous disasters happening at opposite corners of the world.

Both different, yet strikingly similar in conflict suffered by mankind.  Similar also in the human will….to right its wrongs.