“You gotta get out there.”

“Be more social.”

“Don’t shut yourself off.”

I’ve heard’em all.  And you probably have too!

The truth is, I’m not anti-social.  I just feel uncomfortable being in social situations, seated in my wheelchair, suited up like Iron Man with an AFO strapped to my leg and two canes hooked around my waist,

(Yes, some may think I’ll need the “Jaws of Life” to extrapolate the metal from my body!)

You just want to blend it

My fear doesn’t come from being seen by strangers.

My fear comes from being seen by people who knew me BEFORE my MS progressed to what it is today.

I thought I was alone in this thought till I met another MSer with the same fear.

She tearfully described her all-too familiar feelings.

She was an independent cuss.  (I believe we all are!)  Thus, accepting help & assistance was WAY beyond her being.  (Sound familiar?)

While out in public, she was afraid of running into someone she knew.  Avoiding the litany of questions like “Oh my God, what happened to you?”

So she shut herself off.

I commiserated.  I told her school functions were the hardest for me.  Assemblies, banquets, sporting events.

(High school football games have to be the absolute worst.  As I gimp my way up the steps of the grandstands, It’s all eyes on My Odd Sock.  Will he make it?  Is he in pain?  And yes, we have a handicap section, but the sight lines suck, so I trudge upwards to a better seat!)

Actual image from Odd Sock's MRI.

I continued as best as my big, empty head could muster….

I said “Others aren’t afraid of seeing you, it’s YOU who’s afraid of being seen by others.”

The fear is of yourself being seen out & about in public.

Honestly, when you think about it, your friends & acquaintances would rather see you out (even with all your mobility devices)…rather than not see you at all.

They worry about you more when you are hidden away than when they can see you in person.

She seemed better after the conversation.  Her tears dried.  Her smile returned. 

And she knew what she had to do.

How about you?  Have you experienced a social fear?

What did it do to you?  And how did you overcome it?

One Man Band

Personally, going out in public has become less stressful.  I’m not as frightened now as most of the people I know have seen me rolling into a situation like a one-man band.

So it does get easier.  But it takes time to beat that fear into submission.

Let’s give it a good ass-whoopin!

Being Mother’s Day weekend, My Odd Sock would like to honor and salute the most misunderstood mother of recent days….Patricia Krentcil, aka “Tanning Mom.”

Patricia is the 44 year-old mother who is being vilified in the media for excessive tanning as well as allowing her 6 year-old daughter to join her in the tanning booth.

In fact, Krentcil is being charged with “second-degree child endangerment.”  (I’m not clear if they mean “child endangerment” or “second degree burns.”)

Shame on you bully media!

I happen to agree with Ms. Krentcil who believes the best way for a child to start their day is with a nutritious breakfast….and a base tan.

But before you accuse and cast your opinion of Patricia, let My Odd Sock assure you that behind her bronzed skin and under the bleached-out blonde hair, lies a beautiful human being.  One with feelings of love, hurt, hopes & dreams–just like you & I.

For this very reason, in an exclusive report, My Odd Sock would like to introduce you to the personal side of this New Jersey mom….

A young Patricia Krentcil

Here is a picture of a very young Patricia Krentcil at the beach during a family vacation.

Her favorite color...Burnt Umber

Ms. Krentcil’s favorite color…….Burnt Umber.

Patty’s favorite song…..John Denver’s “Sunshine On My Shoulders.”

Her favorite actor……the great George Hamilton!

Mmm, toast with jam & butter

Patricia’s favorite breakfast…..Toast with jam & butter.

You may not agree with “Tanning Mom’s” beauty regime, but a deep tan will allow her to carry her healthy glow well into middle age.

To prove the point, My Odd Sock will use highly sophisticated technology to show how Patricia Krentcil will look into the future.

Tanning Mom, today at 44.

Here she is today at 44 years young.

10 years from now

And here she is 10 years from now at 54.

It is remarkable how beauty stays!

I hope this column allows you to better understand the mother who is….”Tanning Mom.”

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!

Disclaimer:  My Odd Sock encourages everyone to use a sunscreen of SPF 30 or higher.

Whaat?   A guy with multiple sclerosis is gonna talk to ME about walking?

That’s laughable.

Next, you’ll tell me a heart patient is talking about snow shoveling….a diabetic who’s making cupcakes….or a chemo patient chatting about hair growth.

All kidding aside, My Odd Sock, accompanied by his two sidekick canes, wanted to take a walk—and we did!

But before I spin my tale, let me say, anyone who is remotely familiar with the words on these pages (and still have their sanity), will know that I am a BIG advocate of exercise.

Exercise will help you manage your MS.  It helps you mantain strength, balance & flexibility.  Exercise will lift your spirits and shoo away the dark clouds of depression.

We as MSers are not perfect (I have the dribble stains in my underwear to prove it!), but even with our limited physical abilities–we can use what we have left and improve it through movement & exercise.

I think I need a cobbler!

That’s why I decided to strap on my well-worn wheels, head to the local track and see just how far I could drag my butt.

It was one foot in front of the other draggy-foot in a battle of shoe leather versus the asphalt.

I chose the local, high-school track because of the smooth, level surface.

No cracks to contend with.  No holes.  And no dips (if you don’t count me).

My feat.

My feet.

I rose from my wheelchair like in a zombie from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video.  And began a lurching, clumsy, baby-giraffe like shuffle, quad-step.

Alternating left-cane, right-foot, right-cane, left-foot with the precision of a Wankel engine.

A caveman moved with more grace.

(My back about as hairy.)

(Yo Grog–put on a loin-cloth!)

There were no speed records set here.

Government moves faster.

It was a grind as slow as a retired female stripper at the neighborhood senior center.

I made it down the straightaway, stopping several times for a slight respite.

I turned around and retraced my steps back to the comfort of my wheelchair.

All totaled, it amounted to a hike of over 200 yards.

Pretty good for an Odd Sock.

I was whipped for the rest of the day, but it was a good whipping.  And I vowed to return and do it again in the coming days.

My point is, you gotta do what you can with what you have.

You don’t have to step-drag 200 yards like me.  Walk to your mailbox or back & forth across your living room.

If you can’t walk, reach with your arms & kick with your legs.  Stretch as far as you can.

Lay on the floor and try to roll over.  Lift a canned good over your head for added resistance.

And the next day—do it again.  But try to do it more times than you did before.

Do it because you can.  And you’ll feel better for it!  (Just call me the Jack Lalanne of gimps!)

I’d love to hear about what you do–how it makes you feel.

Tell me how it helps you coexist with your MS.

Walking.  Moving.  Exercise.  It’s not just another groin pull.

Maybe I am as flat as an open can of PBR left in the afternoon sun.

But nothing has really gotten my knickers in a twist lately.  That is…till this week when I found some oddities to share with you.

Let’s “Brain Drain” together and see if we can make any sense of the world we live in.

Let’s begin…

Rock of Ages

I found this ad for the “Solar Rock” in a flyer from “Bed, Bath & Beyond.”

(This is obviously from the “Beyond” department!)

Although how cool is this thing!  A rock that lights up!

Isn’t that better known as “plutonium?”

The “Solar Rock” is endorsed by Fred Flintstone!  (Not really)

All this technology…for only $9.99.  Do you think this is “made in China?”

I gotta believe the Chinese scratch their heads and say….”A Solar Rock?…Those Americans will buy ANYTHING!”

What’s next….

Call To Action

The postman delivered a postcard from a local funeral home with this headline….

Pre-planning a funeral makes sense, unfortunately, this headline doesn’t!

“Honey, let’s enjoy our 25th anniversary by pre-planning our funeral!”

“I won a blue ribbon at the county fair…AND I pre-planned my funeral!”

“Phew, what a great day!  Saved 30% at Kohl’s.  Had a skin tag removed.  And I pre-planned my funeral!”

I’ve written more than my share of commercials for funeral homes, and people just don’t think the subject matter in that way.

Sorry to break it to you, local funeral home.  Better luck next time.

Moving along….

Bridge To Nowhere

This “Bridge” newspaper column can be routinely found in papers throughout the land.  And it has been printed for as long as I can remember.

Have you ever looked at it?  Read it?  And tried to make sense of it?

I guess knowing how to play Bridge would help one understand.  But for those of us who don’t, trying to follow it makes me want to throw myself from the top of a tall one!  (A bridge that is.)

Cracking the Nazi secret code in WWII was easier than deciphering the bold-face examples shown here.

 The four “players”…North, South, East and West have been involved in this game for so long, the last time they took a break, the South had legalized slavery!

And how about the accompanying commentary.  I don’t understand a word of it—kinda like something written by George Will!

I find myself trying to “paper-cut” my throat with hopes of “bleeding-out” before I have to finish!

Enough already, I’ve played quicker games of “War.”

That’s plenty of draining the brain.  If I let any more escape, my forehead will collapse.

Ta ta for now.

Looking at yourself.

It can be pretty obvious how multiple sclerosis changes us on the outside.

(How do you find the MSer in a police line-up?  Just look for the one with the mobility aid.)

The way we walk–the way we talk.  The way we see–the way we pee.

But I’m interested in how MS has changed you…on the inside.

Has MS made you more giving?  More compassionate?

Or, has MS made you bitter?  Resentful of others who are free of disease?

Has MS given you patience? 

An inner calm?

Or do yo find yourself sitting on the edge, ready to pounce at the drop of a cat-toy?

Personally, I’ve gone through the full range of emotions since my dx back in 1996.

The first five years were complete denial.

I didn’t want to talk about it.  Couldn’t read about it.

Even the state of Mississippi, abbreviated MS, disgusted me!

As MS began taking its toll on my physical self, I realized I had better shape-up, suck-it-up, and adapt.

It has only been in the last three years that this Odd Sock has been somewhat accepting.

Maybe it’s because during that time, I have been on disability.

I seem more relaxed now that I’m not running 100 miles per hour.

Have you found peace with MS?

Do we ever find peace with our situation?

How do you cope?

How do you manage?

Why am I asking so many friggin questions?

Geez, give it a rest Odd Sock!

Short answer to this otherwise meager post…Has MS changed me?……Yup.

How do you respond?

As a 48 year old adult with a college education (a lofty 2.3 GPA), there was a time when I could say with confidence there was absolutely NOTHING to learn from some punk teenager.

Boy, was I mistaken!

My teenage son just taught me an easier way to peel a banana!

He told me humans peel bananas from the top (stem end) downward.

Primates, on the other hand, peel their bananas from the bottom upward.

(Note:  Picture is a chimpanzee, NOT my son.)

My Odd Sock's current evolutionary scale.

As multiple sclerosis forces my backward slide down the evolutionary scale, I thought it would be wise to learn to peel a banana like my monkey brethren.

So I asked my wise son to explain his theory.

He described in detail the struggle we humans endure as we peel a banana from the stem side down.

Twisting & tearing at the stem.

To peel a banana, we start by one of three ways.

We can twist or tear the peel at the stem.

Cutting the stem with a knife. (Even using a cutting board!)

Those with proper manners can cut the peel at the stem.

Biting the stem off. (This looks like "Shark Week!")

And those of us with the etiquette of a Neanderthal (me) even bite the peel to get it started.

But monkeys may be smarter than what we think.

Primates, my son said, turn the banana upside down.  They then pinch the very end with their fingernail and peel away.

Just pinch and peel!

No muss.  No fuss.

And NO messy banana strings!

Give it a try and you’ll agree, peeling a banana from the bottom is so simple….even a monkey can do it!

With this new knowledge, I have since swallowed my stubborn pride and realized I CAN learn something from a teenager.

Thank you son.  Now can you please tell me how to change the damn ringtone on this stupid cellphone.

 Because of a lack of time, let’s dredge-up this older My Odd Sock for your reading displeasure.  Enjoy…

When you have multiple sclerosis everything takes longer.  Longer to get dressed.  Longer to go to the bathroom.  Heck, I can’t change my mind without a delay in my function-junction!

So when you put me “on-the-clock,” it’s like telling someone with Parkinson’s not to spill.

A good example took place this past weekend.  I thought the tires of my car could use some air so I went to my neighborhood gas station.

There before me…stood my challenge……

Wholesome air.  Clean, tube-inflating air.  Two minutes worth for a mere fifty cents.

First of all, how do you put a price….on air?  What a rip.  I swear I’m gonna put a vending machine in Wal-Mart that says “Two Minutes of Gravity….50 cents.”

I can just see it.  In big letters I’ll have written…”Keep your feet planted firmly on the ground!”  “Made from Issac Newton’s original recipe!”  And I’ll have a picture of an astronaut saying “Gravity is an important part of your productive day, I oughta know.”

Just how many quarters do you think I could amass?

Two minute of air to fill four tires.  No problem right?  Maybe for you.  But for me these two minutes will seem like a NASCAR pit stop.

First, I circled my car and removed the valve stem cover from each tire.  (My first stroke of genius since elementary school.)

Then, I crammed my 50 cents into the machine and was off like a gazelle……with polio, or MS in my case.

The first tire…..done.

Second tire…..done.

Now to the other side.

Third tire…..done.

On to the last tire.  My heart was swelling with pride as I had plenty of my two minutes remaining.  I wanted to “high-five” everyone around!

I squatted like a catcher to fill my final Goodyear Radial.  Struggling to get the air hose on the stem, I lost my balance and rolled backwards onto my butt and continued rolling onto my back.

I was now pinned by a curb on my right side and my car on my left.  I was like a turtle on its back!

I'm a turtle on its back.

All the while—my “two minutes” were counting down.

(Does anyone else have the “Mission Impossible” theme running in their head?)

I fought my way to my feet only to “Tumblelina” onto my back once again.  Finally, with the grit & determination of “Ten Grinches plus Two”, I reclaimed my squat, put the hose to my stem………..And the compressor shut off.

(Bleep Bleep Bleepity Bleep-Bleep)

Now I had to spend another 50 cents for what amounted to be five seconds of air!  That really irked me.  I finished filling my tire and then stood there defiantly squeezing the hose, letting the air escape into the atmosphere.

I wasn’t going to let “the man” take my 50 cents without getting my fair share.

Do you remember that breeze of fresh air you felt last Saturday morning?  That was me.  You can thank me another time.

Dear fellow citizens,

Amidst the news of a prostitution scandal in Cartagena, Columbia involving agents of the Secret Service, let it be known that at no point was U.S. national security threatened, nor the safety of the president compromised.

Eleven Secret Service agents were implicated in the scandal.

All those involved were sent home and had their security clearances revoked.

Ten military service members were also involved in the incident.

The Secret Service agents were in Columbia to take advance security measures for President Obama, who was to attend a summit meeting later in the week.

Agents claim they were just doing their job.  They maintained a secure environment by collecting all of the prostitutes & “evil-doer” riff-raff that goes with it into one central location–the Hotel El Caribe.

President Obama could then safely enter Columbia, attend the summit and exit the country unscathed due to the diligence of the Secret Service.

Secret Service agent maintains composure even in hotel room.

My Odd Sock has obtained an exclusive photo of an agent involved in the tawdry episode.

The photograph reveals that even during the “encounter”, the agent maintained high levels of dignity for the office–never removing his sunglasses OR his ear piece.

This website has also collected a photo of one of the alleged prostitutes.

One of the Columbian "prostitutes." (Her identity hidden.)

Because it is not certain of her participation, My Odd Sock has concealed her identity.

Six Secret Service agents turned in their badge and their gear.

As a result of the ongoing investigation, six members of the Secret Service have been forced to resign.

This is just a minor setback in the forward progress of this great country.

I urge you, stand strong citizens.  The United States will recover and rebound with fortitude of pride and perseverance.

Good day.  And God bless America.

Ready to challenge your brain?

How much do you really know about your multiple sclerosis?

Take this short true/false quiz to find out.

(I always loved true/false questions in school—at least I had a 50% chance of getting it correct!)

So sharpen your pencil and let’s begin…..

(True or False)   The farther you are from a bathroom—the worse you have to go.

(True or False)   Sliding my butt across the shower chair makes a sound equivalent to the mating call of a moose.

(True or False)   The best part of finishing my “to-do” list…is the nap that follows.

(True or False)   The more your neurologist tries to explain your MS, the less he or she makes sense.

(True or False)   You don’t have a voracious appetite—you just end up spilling/dropping most of your dinner.

(True or False)   The word “Avonex” in the language of a jungle tribe means “voodoo water.”

(True or False)   I have thoughts of having my power scooter “tricked-out” by the guys from “American Chopper.”

(True or False)   Putting on tight socks qualifies as cardio exercise.

(True or False)   Your handwriting has gotten so bad it makes your doctor’s writing seem legible.

(True or False)   You can tell what an MSer had for lunch by the stains on their shirt.

(True or False)   No matter the size of the threshold, curb or ledge, it is always one inch higher than you can lift your leg.

(True or False)   During an MRI, you’d swear the unit’s ticks & pops was playing the melody of “The Entertainer.”

(True or False)   The most difficult part of attending a sporting event is standing for the “National Anthem.”

(True or False)   Till you got MS, you thought “Myelin Sheath” was the name of the dorky kid who sat behind you in algebra class.

(True or False)   I am good at playing “Musical Chairs.”  By the time the music stops, I still haven’t gotten up from the previous round.

Thanks for completing the My Odd Sock True/False MS Quiz

Congratulations!  You scored a perfect 100%!

That’s because there were no wrong answers.  (The only thing “wrong” was having the time to take this nonsense quiz!)

Remember, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”  Thank you wasting yours at My Odd Sock!

A gruesome, murderous crime spree has been discovered inside the kitchen commissary of My Odd Sock.

Apparently, bananas were the only intended victims of this heinous act, described by many as a “hate crime” directed toward the yellow fruit.

My Odd Sock investigative reporters (me) have uncovered official police photographs of the crime scene.

Warning:  The following images are graphic in nature.

Please overt the eyes of small children, fruit lovers and all primates.

Bunch of bananas, bound & hanged

The scene was an obvious mass banana hanging.

Close-up of the murder scene.

This unfortunate bunch of bananas were bound and left to hang by the stems till their death.

An utter waste of a good source of dietary potassium.

A banana peel. Will the killing ever stop?

A banana carcass was also found on the scene.

The victim had been carelessly thrown in the trash.

It is not clear if the banana crimes were related.

Seeking justice, elite members of CSI: Crime Sock Investigation were called to  examine the murderous melee.

The Crime Sock Investigators are a crack team of detectives and forensic scientists.

Employing the highest levels of investigation.

DNA samples were collected. 

The entire area was dusted for fingerprints.

And through scientific data and extensive interviews, CSI sketch artists have released THIS drawing of  a possible suspect…….

Police sketch of suspect.

The person of interest is described as a Bengal Tiger.

5 1/2 to 6 feet tall.  180 pounds.

The subject walks upright and wears a red bandanna around his neck.

He is known to often point his finger skyward and shout “They’re GR-R-Reat!”

Anyone with information is encouraged to contact the Crime Scene Investigators by leaving a comment on this website.

Your identity will remain anonymous to everyone but the people at Google  (Google knows everything about you already!)