I Have Changed

I Have Changed

 

How so?

 

“I have changed.  I am a different person now than before I was diagnosed.  My personality has changed.  The old me is coming back.  Slowly, but.  That’s part of the reason my wife and I are getting a divorce.”

“How long have you been married?” she asked.

“Thirty years.  We are high school sweethearts.  It’s tough.  MS has taken its toll, but we’re gonna keep moving ahead.  You can’t give up.”

 

Say what?

 

WOW.

I was hearing some gut-wretching, straight-talk words from the heart as the guy seated next to me was receiving his infusion.

He was talking to the woman across the aisle–also getting her infusion.

I was eves-dropping, I suppose.  That’s what happens when you have ears the size of a satellite dish.

His words were harsh.  But honest.

They affected me then.  And weeks later, still make me uneasy.

It was the raw side of multiple sclerosis you don’t often hear about.

But what frightens me most…is that he is right.  MS changes you both physically AND mentally.

Crap.

 

Oh yeah, thanks Funny Meter.

I’m tracking as low as the movie “Holmes & Watson.”

But gimme a break, I’m talking some serious S-H-I-T here!

 

 

I kind of agree with my I.V. friend.  After all these years in good ka-hoots with MS, my personality has changed too.

I am more reserved.  Not as out-going.  Less confident.  Less social.

I don’t have the energy to engage.  Forget about talking over music or loud chatter.

So mostly, I don’t say much of anything.

Someone grab the extinguisher!

 

Point made, Funny Meter.

I’ll quit my belly-aching.

 

But not before asking about your experience with MS taking hostage of your personality.

Have you changed?  Do you notice a difference?  Have others?

 

The quicker we recognize our change, the easier it is to find positive solutions.

Shutting down & withdrawing is not an option.

We as MSers must remain strong and vital.  You are worth more than giving anything less.

Keep fighting.

 

 

6 Replies to “I Have Changed”

  1. I enjoyed this post and yes, I have changed over the years. I was diagnosed in 2005 and I have found over the past 2 years I have some anxiety when there is a lot going on, lots of noise makes me feel overwhelmed and forget about asking me to do more than one thing at a time, all of which never were never an issue for me until recently. Im learning to laugh at myself and my family are amazing while helping me deal with it though, because things could be so much worse!

    1. Raegan,
      Thanks for your comment & honesty. I don’t laugh at myself as much as I just take it for granted. No need to get upset because as you said “things could be so much worse.” Appreciate your words! Best to you.

  2. I have become overweight. Just can’t seem to lose that “power chair weight”. I agree with everything you said. Great minds think alike! #mssucks

    In the age of cell phones, and the infusion “room”, you can’t help but eavesdrop. Don’t be mad at me if I offer a comment. If you wanted your conversation to be private, then don’t put it out there for me to hear it. When I am at the Infusion Center, I can tell you the age of everyone in the room. # nomoreprivacy

    1. Margaret,
      You kill me…”power weight chair.” That’s a good one. Funny too about knowing the age of fellow infusers, reminds me of the old-timers who gather at McDonalds every morning for coffee–each one trying to out due the other with their health problems. That is why I don’t say much during an infusion–I’ll let the others talk.

  3. I have changed for sure, how can it not change you!? Diagnosed in 2000, MS has taken so much from me. I always try to find the positive in any situation, really hard when your in a room w people who can’t hear you, when someone does listen to me I loose my words as my cognition is so bad 😡. Makes social situations undesirable and very hard.

    1. Vicky,
      I hear you. We all hear you because we have been in the same position. If the social situation is too loud & hectic, I seem to shut down and become a piece of furniture.
      You are right in finding the positive. It’s the only thing we can do.
      Thank you for sharing your experience. Best to you!

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