I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Planet

 

All my years in school (including the repeated years), we learned of the nine planets in our solar system:  Mercury, Venus (where women are from), Earth, Mars (where men are from), Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus (the fav of immature males), Neptune and Pluto.

 

All was well & good as the stars aligned in perfect order till 2006 when someone upset the perverbial jar of Tang.

 

That was the year “experts” bemoaned Pluto wasn’t big enough to hang with real planets, and thus, it was demoted to a “dwarf.”

 

Pluto’s new designation as a “dwarf planet” was a cold shoulder to the icy sphere.

Poor thing.  It’s been hanging out there on the end with not much to do.  And no real purpose.  Pluto was kind of like the little toe of planets.  It certainly didn’t deserve a demotion!

 

Thankfully things are looking up for this cosmic body.

 

 

 

First, President Trump ordered a special investigation on Pluto’s behalf.

Findings revealed three to five million illegal scientists may have voted in favor of the demoted status.

 

 

Some scientists may have voted more than once, according to the President.

 

 

 

 

Reports even go so far as to claim busloads of scientists were sent across statelines to vote illegally.

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, a group of NASA scientists have proposed a new definition of what constitues a planet.

 

 

 

 

These new standards should work in favor of Pluto reclaiming its status as our ninth and smallest member of the solar system.

 

 

 

 

 

 

NASA will make its decision soon and make an official announcement with help of Faye Dunaway & Warren Beatty.

 

Let’s hope the get it right this time.