Brain Drain #22

Brain Drain #22

 

Let's drain.
Let’s drain.

 

Welcome to “Brain Drain,” the ongoing series of posts where yours truly lets go of some things that have disturbed me.

 

Since it has been a year since the last Brain Drain, I’ve come to conclude I am mellowing in my old age.  (That and I have been wearing white Rockports lately.  Next, I’ll be driving with my blinker on.)

 

Let’s get on with Brain Drain….

 

 

 

Dumb Product

I found this product in Parade Magazine.

(My God yet another sign I’m getting older!)

Simply stupid.
Simply stupid.

 

The Whistle Activity Monitor works like a FitBit for your dog by recording Fido’s activity

Isn’t this product a bit overkill?

Do I really need this as a pet owner?

 

Every dog I’ve ever owned spends most of its day licking itself.  Does this count as an activity?

The Whistle Monitor also charts a dog’s appetite.  

Great, this will come in handy to know how much Jasper ate out of the garbage can!

 

Honestly I could think of a million other ways to spend a hundred dollar bill!

 

What’s next…

 

 

Retail Sales

 

How much savings?
How much savings?

 

Sales drive me crazy.

Sales are the lifeblood of any retail business…but are they really sales?

 

The picture to the left was sent to me by an alert shopper.

 

The Puffer coat is on sale for one-tenth of a percent MORE than the Covington scarf coat.

What will a person do with these tremendous savings?

 

Stores like Kohl’s have sales constantly.  Two-Day Sale.  Three-Day Sale.  They have the Biggest Sale of the Year sale several times a year.

How do they top that?

 

 

Another Macy's sale.
Another Macy’s sale.

 

 

Macy’s is the worst though.

 

 

Macy’s bombards you with sale ads, but have you taken a good look at the fine print?

 

 

 

 

Excludes oxygen in the store.
Excludes oxygen in the store.

 

 

The list of excluded items during a Macy’s sale is longer than Shaq’s inseam!

 

I would be faster thru the line at Social Security, grocery AND the DMV before you could finish reading the list of Macy’s exclusions.

There can’t be much else that’s left in the store to sell!

 

Moving on…

 

 

New Business

 

The news has been good.  The economy is recovering.  The unemployment rate is lower.  And the economic landscape is ripe for new business.

In fact, there is a new retailer who has opened its doors in my neighborhood…..

 

Used a sword for ribbon-cutting.
Used a sword for ribbon-cutting.

Yes that’s right.  Ninja Supply.

Ninja Supply?  Really?

Oh that’s handy.  I’ve needed a new throwing star!

I’ll stop there on my way home from the Dojo.

Can I get a gift card, Grasshopper?

Let me remind you…I live in Ohio.  The Ninja population here is tiny, almost nonexistent.  You are more likely to see a dinosaur than a Ninja.

If anyone in Ohio wears a Ninja mask–they’re probably a bank robber.

Safe to say a Ninja in Ohio doesn’t wear a Kimono—more like a wife-beater.  And has a mullet.

So will Ninja Supply be successful?  Hard to say but the odds aren’t good.

 

 

There now.  All better.  I’ve let out all the bad chi that has building inside.

Be sure to lay some of your Brain Drain in a comment and you’ll feel better too.

sock

 

 

 

 

One Reply to “Brain Drain #22”

  1. Good column! My question is…Just like Pres Obama and all the members of Congress you are saying the economy is improving. But Barnes and Noble, Target, K-Mart, J C Penny, Sears and several other big name corporations are all closing many stores this year. Are Ninja outlets taking over all those empty store fronts? Just askin’.

Making it official.