An Explosive Independence Day

An Explosive Independence Day




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All across these United States, folks are celebrating our nation’s birth.


The Fourth of July has become a holiday of outdoor gatherings, cookouts and a carbohydrate-induced coma of potato salad.


With many of these activities culminating in an evening display of fireworks.





Snappers, Sparklers and Smoke Bombs



Looking through a catalog from a local fireworks dealer, I was reminded of my favorites as a boy…..Sparklers, Smoke Bombs & Snappers (or Poppers) were as good as gold!



Once in a while someone in my group of buddies would have a couple of firecrackers.

Maybe a whole pack if we were lucky.





Firecrackers



The fireworks store sold firecrackers as well.

The only difference–they sold’em in rolls of two thousand, four thousand, eight thousand, even SIXTEEN THOUSAND!

Who the heck needs that many firecrackers?




It was the names of the firework bundles sold by this store that got my attention….”Bootleggers Bundle”….”Rockets Rampage”….”The King’s Arsenal”….”Air Supremacy”….”Brute Force.”

They just SOUND illegal!



Midtown Mayhem



They sold a bundle called “Midtown Mayhem.”


“Midtown Mayhem”  doesn’t sound awe-inspiring—it sounds more like a riot.







Nuclear Warhead



The fireworks store has a box called “Nuclear Warheads.”

What the hell?


How easy is it to get plutonium these days?


And apparently destroying the world isn’t as expensive as evil doers may think as “Nuclear Warheads” are “Buy One–Get One Free!”






iPyro



We have the iPod, the iPad and the iPhone, so obviously the next product would be “iPyro!”

Now arsonists can own the latest explosive device from Apple!


The safety disclaimer says “WARNING Shoots flaming balls”

Great fun for the family…or terrorizing stray cats!




Insane



Those with mental issues will feel comfortable with “Insane.”


Streaks of “red, green, yellow, blue & purple pearls.”  Sounds like it could be the name of a Grateful Dead acid trip!


I’ve circled the reason they called this “Insane.”  At $99 dollars apiece, that IS insane!





Comfortably Numb


“Comfortable Numb” is the name of this firework assortment.


Unfortunately, it also describes the state of many who are lighting explosives on this day!





Nut Crusher


Lastly, they sell something called the “Nut Crusher.”


Now this doesn’t sound fun at all.  In fact, it sounds downright painful.


I notice “Nut Crusher” is sold in boxes of 16 shots.  Two would be enough for me!





Whether you enjoy these popular firework products, or others such as “Falling Stars”…”Heat Seeker”…or “Uncle Boom Boom,” please be safe this July 4th holiday.

Be responsible enough to keep all ten of your fingers.

Happy birthday America!


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One Reply to “An Explosive Independence Day”

  1. I never knew there were so many fireworks with crazy names, funny how you describe them! Enjoy the 4th

Making it official.