Almost Evening News

Almost Evening News




Almost Evening News



Because of no other pressing issues to write about, let’s take a gander through the headlines to see what’s happening….as My Odd Sock presents today’s Almost Evening News.







fat woman in bikini



The top story….The bikini made its first appearance on the beach, 67 years ago today.



Also making its first appearance 67 years ago….people who shouldn’t be wearing bikinis.








statue of liberty




The Statue of Liberty reopened on the Fourth of July, eight months after Hurricane Sandy caused severe damage to Liberty Island.


During the storm, Lady Liberty’s torch was replaced with an umbrella.


Workers have now swapped the umbrella for her famous torch.






paula deen



A new poll reveals most don’t find Paula Deen to be racist.



A newer poll says most think Paula’s blood is made of butter.







bolivia flag



Bolivia President Evo Morales threatens to close the U.S. Embassy after his plane was rerouted amid suspicions that NSA leaker Edward Snowden was on board.


Go ahead Evo.


Bolivia’s biggest exports are pot & opium.

Sounds like we need a head shop instead on an embassy.



Muk Luks



Speaking of Edward Snowden, Iceland is the latest country to decline Snowden’s bid for citizenship.


Yep, when you are turned away from a country known for Muk Luks…that’s saying something!





Bad English TeethBritish astronomers have launched a new effort to boost the United Kingdom’s search for extraterrestrial intelligence.



The study is a multi-million dollar project with funds being deferred from Britain’s floundering National Dentistry System.






Joey Chestnut set a new world record by eating 69 hot dogs during the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4th at Coney Island.

toilet



Incidentally, Joey also set a second world record by having the largest bowel movement at his apartment the very next day.








computer mouse


And finally, Douglas Engelbart, inventor of the computer mouse, died last Tuesday at the age of 88.


At his funeral, pallbearers were noticed frequently moving the casket with hopes Mr. Engelbart was only in sleep mode.




That’s all for the news.  Thank you for joining us.

We’ll be back at 11 with the latest updates and a round of good, stiff drinks to get this party started!

sock





4 Replies to “Almost Evening News”

  1. doo doo dooooo doo doo dooooo….and this just in from field reporter extaordinaire Ms. CrankyPants….we have just confirmed that Paula Deen’s teeth are made out of Chiclets. The British are thrilled to learn about this cheap (and tasty!) alternative to actual dental care.

  2. …And her flowing locks are made of angel hair pasta.
    (I kinda feel bad for her really…I think things are being blown way out of proportion.)

  3. I too feel bad for Paula Deen…..Unless I’m mistaken, the same retailers that dropped Paula Deen, didn’t drop Martha Stewart when she went to jail. Even though she didn’t commit murder, going to jail trumps uttering a racial slur…..just sayin…..

Making it official.