Giving In

Wed, Apr 4, 2012

Multiple Sclerosis

 

 

Did I give up too soon?

 

My brain.  A peanut in a in can

My brain. A peanut in a in can

 

 

Noo, that isn’t a long, forgotten quote from General George Custer.

It is what’s been bouncing around in my big, empty head these days.

 

 

 

 

Did I give up too soon on balancing multiple sclerosis with gainful employment?

 

violinsThough being told by doctors I could have been approved for disability years before, I stuck it out as a working stiff (literally!) till my lay-off in February of 2009.

(Do you hear the violins playing?)

Applying for disability in March, I was approved the first time, and officially became a “government gimp” in August.

 

It’s been nearly three years now.  I feel better as a whole, but walk worse.

Granted, I don’t miss the nine hour workday, combined with my 2 1/2 hour total commute each day.

 

I surrender!

I surrender!

 

 

But sometimes I think I raised the white flag too soon.

 

 

It’s inspiring to me to hear from MSer’s who still fight the fight in the workplace.

 

 

They struggle with the same mobility, balance, fatigue and cognitive issues as the rest of us. 

Yet, there they are…”punching-in” each morning with work to do.

 

Reach for the sky.

Reach for the sky.

 

I question myself if I gave up too quickly.

Do you think that about your own situation?

Do you still have fire in your belly, just no mojo in your legs?

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to be excused from my job back in ’09.  It was unsatisfactory at that point and the hours were grinding my spirit to powder.

But yet, today, there is a lingering rumble inside.

Is it the calling of self-worth?  Or just the after-effects of a taco salad?

 

 

I say "Uncle!"

I say "Uncle!"

 

I would love to hear your side of the story.

Did MS force you to hang up your lunch pail?

And do you regret that issue?

If you continue to work, how do you handle the extra pressures MS places on you?

And what drives you onward, despite knowing the disability option is there for the taking?

 

 

I am one with multiple sclerosis—but I won’t let it define who I am.

Maybe that’s why I write these words ( and you read’em)…while kicking around the thoughts of giving in too soon.

sock

, , , ,

10 Responses to “Giving In”

  1. My Odd Sock Says:

    Speck,
    Thanks for the welcome advice!

    Margaret,
    You are a fighter! You start your day with “My Odd Sock?” Oh my, pass the antacids.
    Appreciate your enthusiasm.

  2. SpeckledBrain Says:

    I regret not being able to do my career anymore. However, I don’t think trying to figure out how to pay the million a year from the company is a good idea, if I spend days trying to balance my new budget and still screw it up. I have put my energy into my family in a partial role reversal in order to feel I do my part. But there are those days where the questions come back…and usually the answers get smacked back into my head when I overdo something that seems trivial to others and yet tiring to me. So, do what you can and find a peace inside. Push your limits and do as much as you can, but know when to stop and take the break.

  3. Margaret Says:

    I just read all the comments and share the same situations and concerns. To make a long story short, I too had to retire at 56 years old in 2009 and was also approved for SSDI. I had worked for 31 years, 15 with MS, the last 2 in a wheelchair. The first thing I do when I log on to the computer is read this blog. I always know it will bring a smile to my face and help me start the day knowing I am not alone with my MS.

    Sock, now I know why your motto is “What, me worry?” :)

  4. My Odd Sock Says:

    Judy,
    Thanks for your comment. You make some great points..”never got to find out what my full potential was” really strikes home!

    You have wise insight “Grasshopper!”

    Please continue sharing in the future!

  5. My Odd Sock Says:

    Kim,
    I understand your questions. They are relatable in some way, shape or form to each of us in the situation.

    Personally, I’m not one to sleep the day away. I keep busy all day long (Does reading the latest Mad magazine count?)

    Maybe it’s the “contribute” you mentioned. Is that what we seek?

  6. Kim Says:

    I did the same thing, went on disability in ’09 and have been trying to be productive in some other way ever since. I’ve been a patient consultant to a drug company a couple of times–but found it so hard to follow the slide presentations and contribute to discussions during one grueling day of meetings that I was reminded why I retired in the first place! Not sure I can do that gig anymore.

    Is it that you want to feel more productive–or is it that you want more structure in your day? Both? Do you merely want a reason to get up early and not sleep the day away? Would simply adding more structure take care of that nagging urge to work? These are the questions I kick around everyday.

  7. Judy Says:

    I worked 14 years with MS, through successive relapses, and when I retired it was because there was no doubt I had to. So the only regrets I have are that MS showed up at all, that I had to stop a well-paying career and now my finances are stretched, and that I never got to find out just what my full potential was. I think about that person who now seems so foreign to me. I used to travel around the world and now can barely make it to the mailbox. I used to walk so fast others were left panting. Now I walk haltingly. I used to lead teams of people and now spend days interacting with only my husband. I am glad I delayed as long as possible my retirement, but I am also glad I honored my body’s obvious limitations and did not impose an unbearable burden. Yeah, I still grieve that my life was turned upside down. But I have to focus on making my current life as rewarding as I can, given the hand that I was dealt.

  8. Muff Says:

    I knew I was getting weaker at work. As a school principal, my days were long — arriving before 7:00 A.M. and never leaving before 4:30 P.M. Usually I was there many nights and a lot of weekends. I, too, had a long commute, which sapped more of my energy. My walking was bad — so bad that I had to drive to many places within walking distance. I hated leaving my position, but I had to. That was in ’08. I applied for SSDI and was approved in 10 days. I fret over the loss of income this leave taking has caused, and I get depressed about all I’ll be missing, but I know I could never have continued. I just wish I could find something that I could do from home that would utilize my skills and education.
    Peace,
    Muff

  9. Cindy Says:

    I had no choice but it really was a relief. My job required accurate cognitive ability. When I thought I still had it I was proven wrong by tests given by employer. I had to face it. I really had been struggling. I’m probably older than you. I had 3 more years to be retirement eligible and planned on persevering. But it is what it is! They gave me disability retirement so it kinda worked out…but at a smaller benefit. Oh well.
    Cindy

  10. Bob Overturf Says:

    I don’t believe you will ever answer this question to your satisfactioin. I was in sales when I was diagnosed in 1974. I really liked my job selling machine tools, gaging and measurement tools to manufacturing companies. As my legs got worse I could not stand for long periods of time to teach people how to run the equipment that I sold. With my falling and stumbling as well as bladder control my Dr. said I would qualify for disabiity. What! Quit! Give up! Never said I. My degree was in accounting so I took the civil service test and got a job with the MN Dept of Revenue. I worked there for the next 20 years (the last 5 in a wheelchair). I retired just a bit after my 67th birthday. I know people older than I who are still working. Maybe I should have kept on. Is living on Soc Sec and a pension like living on the dole? I can’t answer the question.


  • couples having sex online
  • sexy adult couples costumes
  • video
  • free online sleeping porn videos
  • free mail order bride sex videos
  • video
  • petite womens polo shirts for sale
  • video
  • free black porn videos online
  • free online adult porn movies
  • video
  • video
  • freeonline italian erotic movies
  • free online first night porn videos
  • video
  • video
  • watch black pussy online porn
  • amateur videos sale
  • free online face fuck videos
  • free threesome online sex videos
  • erotic female porn free online
  • teen naked videos online
  • free online ebony porn tube
  • free fulllength online sex movies
  • buy black beauties
  • tilf fuck porn online
  • video
  • nude young costa rico girls
  • kate beckinsale nude naked pictures
  • summer girl video free online download
  • free mature online video tube
  • watch sex scenes from movies online
  • online sex videos
  • porn movies onlinefree xxx
  • free black movies online
  • bible black vids online
  • video
  • free sex videos women costumes
  • full length sex toy videos online
  • video
  • live online hardcore sex video
  • naked girls dreamgirls
  • cheapest best live webcam girls
  • free online instructional sex videos
  • online stories of anal sex
  • free online petite girls nude
  • free online biggest dick fuck movies
  • video
  • cartoon lesbian porn videos online
  • free online adult softcore romantic movies
  • costa rica party girls shagging
  • free webcam girls online no registration
  • free online streaming sex videos
  • teen advice online for girls
  • Sex porn videos online
  • video
  • talk to porn girls online
  • creampie online ipod touch porn videos
  • video
  • free online henti sex videos
  • japanese bantam chicks for sale
  • movies husband buys sex for wife
  • free online teen titans porn video
  • sexy peasant girl costumes
  • babes in naughty costumes pictures
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • online teen girls adult
  • sex storie video online
  • kate beckinsale naked video free
  • free online wild sex movies
  • online blowjob vids
  • video
  • model the beauty movie online
  • free online black gang bang
  • free online tits videos
  • teen sex costume
  • video
  • naked priceless pics
  • free videos online girls
  • video
  • video
  • trade naked pictures online
  • indian sex porn movies online
  • free teen japanese porn online
  • hot asian teen porn online
  • black man buys white girl
  • free online erotic movie
  • video
  • omg u cumed in me pussy
  • the bishops wife movie online
  • watch anal fever movie online free
  • peter pan costumes for teen girls
  • japanese black pine wholesale louisiana
  • video
  • video
  • free forced sex video watch online
  • video online free teenagers stripping naked
  • free online naked sexy girls striping
  • online free lesbian hardcore porn
  • video
  • watching movies online japan
  • free naked sexy girls online
  • audio lesbian sex stories online
  • wild party girls online video
  • adult online hardcore xxx stories
  • adult erotic costume party
  • simple costumes for teen girls
  • online video of shemale sex
  • babes schoolgirl costume
  • video
  • free naked sexy girls online
  • cherokee free online porn videos
  • free online british porn videos
  • katie price gallery tits
  • free online hardcore lesbians fucking
  • asian mgallery post
  • watch chunky chicks movies online
  • free streaming online interracial sex
  • online amateur video
  • free ebony online porn movies
  • sex movies online hardcore
  • video
  • free online mature grandpa sex stories
  • free mature tit movies online
  • party girls solo costume
  • online free young lesbian movie
  • girls teens wholesale purses
  • girls seducing online video
  • petite liz co sale
  • youmg teen videos
  • low priced petite lift chairs
  • priceless girlfriend naked birthday
  • young women need a fuck buy
  • nude amateur home camcorder videos
  • freaky shemale farmgirls torrent
  • Kate beckinsale nude video
  • youmg girls small boobs
  • video
  • free online adult porn video
  • free online sexy naked girls
  • video
  • sex on megavideo online
  • video
  • asian movie online store
  • softcore porn moviesonline
  • online free amateur mature sex photos
  • erotic italian movie online
  • free online videos of oral sex
  • girls doning gilrs porn online
  • jordan katie price fuck video
  • Indian sex movie online
  • costume ideas for teen girls
  • sex fetish videos online
  • Sex girls online
  • cheap online porn movies
  • free naked french girls online vidios
  • free naked french girls online vidios
  • sexy naked massage movies online
  • free pussy licking orgasm videos online
  • free online young naturist videos
  • black beauties for sale
  • live online sex webcams
  • black and white ebony for sale
  • julie price amateur porn
  • video
  • free sexy feet porn videos online
  • free online girls guy sex
  • free online shower porn video
  • video
  • sexy mature videos online
  • free private sex with camgirls
  • online video sex hentai
  • video
  • working girls online movie
  • English sex movies online
  • young girls shoes wholesaler
  • teen vogue movie thumb mgp free
  • amateur porn threesome dvds for sale
  • watch anime porn movies free online
  • couples erotic videos online
  • video
  • lesbian mgp girls milfs
  • mature women sex salem oregon
  • video
  • video
  • free online dvd movies porn
  • sex and the city online movie
  • free porn videos online no download
  • video
  • free online porn streaming videos
  • black spiderman costume for teens
  • video
  • free ebony girls xxx movie online
  • oral sex efor sale
  • sex free online video
  • couples sharing online adult videos
  • petite dorthy costume cheap
  • vmgalleries small boobs
  • Sex and the city movie for sale
  • video
  • video
  • free online black booty porn movies
  • online fuck videos like
  • free online teen titan porn videos
  • xxx sex videos free online
  • Katie price naked pics
  • Big tits movies online
  • video
  • video porn saleries
  • video
  • watch free online young teen porn
  • video
  • free online horny young girls
  • katie price hardcore sex tape
  • hot girl in costume video
  • katie price sexy topless
  • watch full legnth erotic movies online
  • free online black girls having sex
  • reality sex parties online ideo free
  • naked souls movie online
  • video
  • rosaleen young picture
  • free online porn movie tube
  • free porn sites online video
  • video
  • my sassy girl korean movie online
  • watch movies online swingers film
  • nasty bizarre porn videos free online
  • video
  • Sex porn tv online
  • Black sex videos online
  • cartoon online sex videos
  • video
  • japanese girl singing new order
  • kate beckinsale nude naked pictures
  • hot free xxx porn online now
  • order sex videos on line
  • japanese classes online for teens
  • free online fat black girl porn
  • sites to buy softcore movies
  • dating young girls costa rica
  • buy thai pussy
  • moms sons black buy erotic
  • video
  • video
  • cheap pussy federal way wa
  • cheap asian porn
  • buy my girlfriend for sex
  • ebony porn stripper flash videos online
  • sex fuck online rooms
  • Watch full sex movies online
  • couples sex online
  • free adult porn fucking movies online
  • modern mature women boys movies mgp
  • free online amatuer porn videos
  • free online wildest black fuck movies
  • online lesbian strap on sex
  • video
  • Free online teens porn movies
  • moms sons black buy erotic
  • youngest teen porn online free
  • online free asian movies
  • mail order wifes asian
  • video free online girls on girls
  • amateur hot galleries thumger
  • free amateur porn movies online
  • video
  • buy barbara dare harem girls movie
  • sale asian schoolgirls wet pantie
  • free sex pics victorian costume
  • erotic movies to watch online
  • free online anal sex spanking stories
  • girls orderd to fuck porn
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • free online blond orgasm pics
  • online sex webcamsites
  • teenage girl halloween costume ideas
  • video
  • buy teen beauty pageant gowns
  • free online lesbian sex comics
  • free online porn videos police officers
  • youmg asian sex
  • cheap porn movies
  • free online sex nude lesbian
  • video
  • free adult porn movies trailers online
  • free online wildest black fuck movies
  • sexy pharaoh girl costume
  • costa careyes party sexy girls
  • video
  • video
  • free online couples porn videos
  • video
  • girls in victorian costume porn xxx
  • cuckold mature black online
  • free online sex orgasm lessons video
  • asian pussy online
  • online shaved girl forced to sex
  • sex video online to watch free
  • free hardcore sexmovies online
  • video
  • free online asian sex tubes
  • buy video dvd tight tiny butts
  • free xxx porn videos free online
  • mature moms youmg daughters videos
  • youmg girls small boobs
  • free online live sex videos
  • video
  • video
  • teen babes fucked in costumes
  • free online asian porn
  • free online porn videos of panties
  • anime porn online videos free
  • free online hairy pussy porn
  • video
  • online eduional sex videos
  • free youmg pussy videos
  • free mature online sex videos
  • xxx porn online
  • panties pussy pastor posted online
  • video
  • sabrina salerno pussy
  • video
  • free teen sex tapes online
  • free video paula price and anal
  • hardcore free online porn videos
  • black ops costom pictures
  • cuckold mature black dick online
  • free online lesbian fuck movies
  • video
  • free online group sex photos
  • discount pagnent dresses for young girls
  • buy throat gag movies
  • video
  • sexy girls costume sex
  • Megyn price nude pictures
  • hot online long sex videos
  • free softcore movies online
  • boobs sex online
  • Fisher price pretty pink girls bouncer
  • buy japanese black pine seedlings
  • video
  • video
  • video
  • asian fucking on megavideo online
  • porn online movie rental companies
  • wife order to suck cock audio
  • free online cheating wife swallows video
  • housewife salesman free erotic story
  • free online naked girls
  • video
  • online indian porn movies
  • youmg girls threesome
  • costumes for three teenage girls
  • video
  • girls fuck in holloween costumes
  • buy swim suits for teen girls
  • video
  • video
  • free online gang bang sex videos
  • sears online shopping womens petite size
  • video
  • video
  • free online sex from movies
  • video
  • youmg japanese girl
  • gary colemans wife shannon price pics
  • video
  • cheap ebony porn dvds
  • online fucking babes videos
  • video
  • sexy girls online hd videos
  • online movies free rated mature
  • free online handjob videos
  • video
  • video
  • best online video porn site
  • black friday sales dicks
  • video
  • mature porn online movies
  • cheap fuck movie site
  • your pussy on the internet priceless
  • free online mature lesbian sex
  • jacqueline klinger dave price wife pictures
  • coed sex online movies
  • free fucking sex hardcore movies mgp
  • dp porn videos free online
  • cheap black knee boots for girls
  • free online celebrity fake porn videos
  • costa rican girls sex
  • black homemade sex vides online