MS’s Most Devastating Condition

MS’s Most Devastating Condition

 

A Message from the Editor

 

 

sletter sThis edition of My Odd Sock has been rated “S” for “serious.”

 

The usual low-brow humor has been replaced by a lot of wah-wah, belly-aching chit-chat and visions of the world’s smallest violin playing “My Heart Bleeds For You.”

 

 

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–Helen Eleanor Saggybags,  My Odd Sock Editor-In-Chief

 

 

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My doctor didn’t mention it.

I didn’t read about it in any book of multiple sclerosis.

Nor did I see it mentioned in a magazine or on the web.

 

When I was drafted to receive my MS diagnosis way back when, I heard about mobility and spasticity, bowel & bladder control, balance, vision and cognitive function—those I could handle.  But it was the unmentioned condition I had and continue to have the biggest problem wrapping my arms around.

 

It’s the doubt!

 

The cloak of MS doubt.
The cloak of MS doubt.

 

Multiple sclerosis has covered my big, melon head with doubt.  A darkness that has caused me to doubt my abilities..and my self.

Doubting my role as a spouse, a parent, a provider.

 

Doubting kicks in when people begin to do chores for you–things like cleaning your gutters or cutting grass–things you USE to do.

Or when your spouse gets a second, even a third job job to make ends meet.

When you can’t bring in the groceries.  And when you can’t help at a school function, doubt is always there to console you.

 

Doubt is definitely the unsung bastard child of MS!

Doubt zaps your confidence like humidity steals your energy level.

 

I can use a cane to help with my balance.  A wheelchair to help with my fatigue.  But there is nothing to help one through a spell of self-doubt.

So I write about it, hoping you’ll lend some words of wisdom to me and others who are dealing with the “doubt” that comes with MS.

 

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Although it can be a daily knock-down, drag-out, I’m beginning to peek out from under the doubt and getting on with life as an MSer.

 

 

Some days are easier than others.  But that’s typical of our disease.  You have good days–and not so good days.

I try to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t.  How lucky I am, instead of unlucky.  How fortunate…than not so.

 

Yep, doubt can be one tough pill to swallow.  Maybe that is why they don’t mention it.  Some things you just have to figure out on your own!

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6 Replies to “MS’s Most Devastating Condition”

  1. Bob,

    Thought I may be the only one with a key-card to get into the joint!
    Guess I’ll see you inside.

    -Odd Sock

  2. Yup. Doubt is definitely the most debilitating of my MS symptoms. Basically, it’s just an insidious form of fear. And, like with all fears, I HAVE to let it go because I can’t do anything about it and focusing on it will be worse than the actually possibility I’m fearing. When doubt comes up, I play with it for a while and then put it to the truth test: Is this real? Is this actually happening? Is there anything I can do about this right now? Will worrying help? Can I read minds? Do I actually know what people are thinking and, if so, is there anything I can do to change their minds?
    Doubt sucks but using it as a stepping stone to the bottomless pit of fear is way worse.
    🙁 Sorry

  3. It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place

  4. I too struggle with doubt and guilt…mostly guilt. I feel worthless not being able to do the things that I once did for my family. My daughter is struggling to put herself thru college on her own and that just eats away at me. I once worked in a job that I LOVED and trained for and now I am lucky to complete a form without help. This is a disease that most people do not understand or want to understand and that is a shame. I try to keep a positive outlook but deep inside the whole thing just sucks!

Making it official.