Opportunity Of A Lifetime

Opportunity Of A Lifetime

 

Dreams only come true for a select few.

The rest of us shlubs must work, toil, write & rewrite, spell-check, create, imagine, record ideas on scraps of paper in the middle of the night and suffer writer’s block…not to mention, constipation…chasing the dream, the position, the title we have always imagined!

Mine?–was to be a humor columnist!  My name & picture in print!  My funny words for sale at every corner newspaper stand in the country!

 

 

Well, lightning strikes!  My struggles and sweat over the past 25 or 30 years have come to fruition!

 

My Odd Sock mail call!
My Odd Sock mail call!

 

 

Because there in the mailbox was a letter from The New York Times!

 

 

 

 

When so many have scratched their heads and muttered “that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever read,” The New York Times boldly steps forward to recognize the genius that is, creative writing.

Inside this envelope, The Times (as those of us in the loop refer to the daily), will ask My Odd Sock to join their staff of journalists, to become the official publication humorist!

So bite it James Thurber!  Suck eggs Mark Twain and Will Rogers…there is a new joke-spinner in town!

 

Be careful of paper cuts.
Be careful of paper cuts.

 

With the speed of pouring maple syrup, I rushed inside the house to open my letter of opportunity!

 

Oh, I see it now!  I’ll take the cubicle next to George Will.  I’ll play co-worker pranks on him.  Like taping down the receiver of his phone–or stealing the wheels of his chair.

We’ll hang out in the employee breakroom.  And be partners in the three-legged race at the company picnic!

 

Read the details!
Read the details!

 

 

With heart-pounding excitement, I pulled the letter from its paper home and began reading of my dream offer…..

“The Weekender?”  “Fifty percent off?”  “Five dollars and twenty cents a week?”

 

 

Reading on, I soon realized this was a dream offer all right.  A dream offer not to write for The Times—but to read The Times “delivered right to my home”…”now at 50% off.”

 

Rat Bastards.

Thanks New York Times for squashing my hopes like a bug on the windshield of your car.

Who would want to work for that fishwrap anyway?

They wouldn’t know funny if it hit them upside their snooty, high-brow heads!

 

Garbage
Garbage

 

 

So I guess it is back to writing this crap I call My Odd Sock.

 

Like anything else, all you can do is shrug it off and move along.

 

Besides, who knows, tomorrow’s mail may just bring the next opportrunity of a lifetime!

sock 

3 Replies to “Opportunity Of A Lifetime”

  1. I only do the Times Sunday Crossword, and I’d probably never to get to read your witticisms if you wrote for that rag. I’m sure the pay would have been nice, though!
    Peace,
    Muff

  2. You can always count on my vote! New York Times readers don’t know what they are missing. I enjoy reading your posts. FYI, every time my ship comes in, I’m at the airport. 🙁

  3. Pah! The Times wouldn’t know cutting-edge humor if it lopped off a lip! We Odd Sock readers know what we have here–and we have you all to ourselves. Nyah-nyah!

Making it official.