You have heard others say it.

And if you have multiple sclerosis, you have probably said it yourself…


My gams have splinters.
My gams have splinters.



“…I am stiff as a board.”





Spasticity (muscle stiffness) is a major side effect of MS.  It is for me anyway. 

Throughout my hips, legs & ankles, spasticity makes it difficult to move.  That’s why I move slower than the buffet line at Golden Corral.

It’s true.  A family member describes me as being “tighter than a duck’s ass under water!”

I’m like a mannequin….with bad breath.  I’m not lying…once, while standing still in a department store, someone tried to buy my jacket!



mister salty


Mister Salty has more flexibility than me!


For me, cutting my toenails can be considered a pilates workout!



I’m stiffer than a starched shirt from a dry cleaner.  Oh yeah, I’ve been “stiff”ed more than a late-night waitress at Denny’s.

I’m so stiff I make Queen Elizabeth seem like the star of a “Girls Gone Wild” video!

To do deep knee bends, I need a bungee cord & a car jack.  (Don’t worry, I don’t understand that one either!)  Really!..card tables have legs that bend easier than mine.





My legs are as stiff as a whiskey-sour from an airport lounge.

That’s why I stretch so often, I feel like The Spinners” song “Rubber Band Man.”



I stretch things out more than a TV soap opera.  And still, G.I. Joe has a greater range of movement.



Grrr, stretch those legs!
Grrr, stretch those legs!


You can relate I’m sure.  It’s that feeling when getting dressed is like trying to put socks on a curtain rod.

Very true.  I mean, a pole vault bends more than my hammy’s!


Abe, the statue at the Lincoln Memorial, gets out of his chair easier than I.

That’s the reason when I buy “straight-leg” jeans—-I mean it!



So goes our daily MS grind with spasticity.

May these words tighten your belly muscles through laughter!





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Making it official.