Mon, Jan 17, 2011

Multiple Sclerosis


You have heard others say it.

And if you have multiple sclerosis, you have probably said it yourself…


My gams have splinters.

My gams have splinters.



“…I am stiff as a board.”





Spasticity (muscle stiffness) is a major side effect of MS.  It is for me anyway. 

Throughout my hips, legs & ankles, spasticity makes it difficult to move.  That’s why I move slower than the buffet line at Golden Corral.

It’s true.  A family member describes me as being “tighter than a duck’s ass under water!”

I’m like a mannequin….with bad breath.  I’m not lying…once, while standing still in a department store, someone tried to buy my jacket!



mister salty


Mister Salty has more flexibility than me!


For me, cutting my toenails can be considered a pilates workout!



I’m stiffer than a starched shirt from a dry cleaner.  Oh yeah, I’ve been “stiff”ed more than a late-night waitress at Denny’s.

I’m so stiff I make Queen Elizabeth seem like the star of a “Girls Gone Wild” video!

To do deep knee bends, I need a bungee cord & a car jack.  (Don’t worry, I don’t understand that one either!)  Really!..card tables have legs that bend easier than mine.





My legs are as stiff as a whiskey-sour from an airport lounge.

That’s why I stretch so often, I feel like The Spinners” song “Rubber Band Man.”



I stretch things out more than a TV soap opera.  And still, G.I. Joe has a greater range of movement.



Grrr, stretch those legs!

Grrr, stretch those legs!


You can relate I’m sure.  It’s that feeling when getting dressed is like trying to put socks on a curtain rod.

Very true.  I mean, a pole vault bends more than my hammy’s!


Abe, the statue at the Lincoln Memorial, gets out of his chair easier than I.

That’s the reason when I buy “straight-leg” jeans—-I mean it!



So goes our daily MS grind with spasticity.

May these words tighten your belly muscles through laughter!





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4 Responses to “Stiff”

  1. Les Brown Says:

    Simply put i do not care who you are. This is actually good stuff.

  2. Boston Says:

    Great post. Thanks for the insight. Much appreciated.

  3. My Odd Sock Says:


    Grab the oil can–you gotta have heart!

    Thanks for the comment!

  4. Karen Says:

    One of the worst things for me is spasticity. I walk like the tin man, and it ain’t pretty!

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