Hands In The Dirt

Hands In The Dirt

After spending some time in my yard “tending the crops,” I thought of a new TV show (maybe I was in the sun too long).

See what you think…..

  

 

hgtv2

 

           “Gardening With Gimps” 

 

 

 

Welcome to HGTV’s “Gardening With Gimps.”  I’m your host My Odd Sock

 

"Gardening With Gimps" host My Odd Sock
“Gardening With Gimps” host My Odd Sock

 

here to share a few landscaping stories on how I get things done around the outside of the My Odd Sock corporate headquarters.

 

We’re on the clock, so let’s get started….

 

 

 

  

  

  

Tools For Fools.

  

They say a craftsman is only as good as his tools.  Well, if that’s the case, I would be slightly lower on a scale of tool evolution than a caveman because I have a motley collection of crap tools.  Fisher-Price makes better stuff.

 

My Odd Sock corporate broom
My Odd Sock corporate broom

 

Take for instance my garage broom.

 

My incredible shrinking broom.

 

Someone must have done one helluva lot of sweeping because all of a sudden the bristles of this broom were receding faster than my hairline.

 

 

 

My son suggested a “varmit” was eating the broom.  The jury is still out on what happened to my scalp!

 

 

Trimming, not Praying

 

My neighbor commented on how nice my yard looks.  He said “You are always crawling around, working on it.”

 

Those of you with multiple sclerosis understand how difficult it is to walk on grass….loss of balance, foot drop….heck, I’d rather get down and crawl to do my trimming.

 

When crawling, ALWAYS be on "turd alert"
When crawling, ALWAYS be on "turd alert"

 

 

 

I’ve even been known to sit on my mechanic’s creeper and roll my way down the driveway, gleefully trimming away.

(Is it any wonder my antics have lowered property values in my neighborhood?)

 

 

 

 

 

 I have been asked by many why I don’t use my weed wacker to trim.

 

IMG_2030

 

Here again, unless I suddenly develop  the dexterity of a lemur in my feet—I don’t have enough hands!

 

 

The weed wacker takes BOTH hands  to operate.

 

 

I need another hand for my cane.

 

 

Maybe if I had an “ass-cane”, I could clench a balancing stick with my butt cheeks!

 

My Odd Sock "Butt-Balancer"
My Odd Sock "Butt-Balancer"

 

 

 

 

Now, it’s beginning to sound like a vaudeville act.  I just need a few spinning plates and I’ll soon be doing two shows nightly in the Catskills.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Water Me

The hose grips my feet like a python
The hose grips my feet like a python

 

Watering my flowers is a whole other episode of fun.  Combine me walking on grass…holding a cane…AND a cumbersome, water-spewing hose.  I get more wet than the plants!

 

 

 

 

I’ve seen guys wrangle a rattlesnake with greater ease!

 

Don't let it get you
Don't let it get you
Rattler or garden hose?
Rattler or garden hose?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Add it all up and simple, gardening chores get a lot more challenging when you throw MS into the mix.

Let’s hope your “tending the crops” comes easier!

For HGTV’s “Gardening With Gimps” this has been My Odd Sock asking “…Is that smell ME or the compost pile?”

sock

 

3 Replies to “Hands In The Dirt”

  1. That was hilarious, Doug. I can TOTALLY relate to creep and drag “guerrilla style” gardening. It’s certainly safer. I tried bending over to weed earlier this spring and fell forward against the birdbath–OUCH! Shattered my sunglasses and cut up the eyelid.

    I like the idea of sitting on a low trolley to move around. Wonder where I could find something like that….

  2. Oh gee…I am sitting here LMAO. I love the whole idea of Gardening With Gimps, what a reality show that would be! And the ass cane…I am peeing my pants…but that’s not so unusual with MS. I was out today trying to water my veggie garden with the hose, my 5 year old granddaughter said…oh gramma it’s getting away from you, I better do it!

Making it official.