My Odd Sock

Please clear it up

Have you ever done something impulsively, thinking it was correct for all the right reasons, only to get grief later on?

I mean more than grief—I mean ridiculed—I mean vilified to the point where my two teenage sons said…”Dad, you must be gay.”

Let me explain.

I have been a long time subscriber to the magazine Sports Illustrated.  With its crisp writing and great pictures, SI is the absolute authority of sports!

But the issue of SI that I do not understand, is probably its most-popular–the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Cover to cover, this mag is pictures of bikini-clad young models doing, doing…..doing what bikini-clad models do.  (First of all, not one of them can properly tie their top because it’s always loose, forcing them to cover themselves with their hands!)

For a number of years, I would receive my swimsuit issue, quickly glance at it, and pass it on to a co-worker the very next day.  What do I want this issue for, I reasoned.  Not one lousy sports story.  Nothing but bikini-clad models.

“Dad, you must be gay.”

So last year, Sports Illustrated subscribers could opt out of receiving the swimsuit issue and SI would extend your subscription one extra week.  Grrreeaat!  A win-win for me.  Or so I thought.  Not a win-win situation when you have two teenage sons looking forward to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue…and their “Pops” opted out of receiving one…..hence, “Dad, you must be gay.”

Therefore, let me make myself clear……I am NOT gay.

I am a married man.  Married for over 20 years.

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt?  Sure, he’s a good-looking guy.  But he’s Brad Pitt.  

Nick Lachey

That’s Nick Lachey.  Yes, he’s a good-looking dude.

Would you stop it!  It’s just that I am comfortable enough to recognize a handsome guy when I see one.  That’s all.  Geez.

And another thing about the bikini-clad models…..could SI spring for a beach towel?  Why do these girls have to sit on the wet sand?

Last time I did that I found sand in body crevices I didn’t know I had!  How the hell does sand get there?

So as you can clearly see, this year I didn’t “opt” out.  And when I received my swimsuit issue, I scoured its contents—one lovely page at a time.

The models still can’t tie their damn tops.  And Sports Illustrated still hasn’t given the girls a beachtowel.  Fact is, the only change that occured was that Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue was delivered to my door.

I wondered why my mailman gave me a “thumbs-up.”

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During February, My Odd Sock salutes Black History Month.

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