My Odd Sock

When you have multiple sclerosis everything takes longer.  Longer to get dressed.  Longer to go to the bathroom.  Heck, I can’t change my mind without a delay in my function-junction!

So when you put me “on-the-clock,” it’s like telling someone with Parkinson’s not to spill.

A good example took place this past weekend.  I thought the tires of my car could use some air so I went to my neighborhood gas station.

There before me…stood my challenge……

Wholesome air.  Clean, tube-inflating air.  Two minutes worth for a mere fifty cents.

First of all, how do you put a price….on air?  What a rip.  I swear I’m gonna put a vending machine in Wal-Mart that says “Two Minutes of Gravity….50 cents.”

I can just see it.  In big letters I’ll have written…”Keep your feet planted firmly on the ground!”  “Made from Issac Newton’s original recipe!”  And I’ll have a picture of an astronaut saying “Gravity is an important part of your productive day, I oughta know.”

Just how many quarters do you think I could amass?

Two minute of air to fill four tires.  No problem right?  Maybe for you.  But for me these two minutes will seem like a NASCAR pit stop.

First, I circled my car and removed the valve stem cover from each tire.  (My first stroke of genius since elementary school.)

Then, I crammed my 50 cents into the machine and was off like a gazelle……with polio, or MS in my case.

The first tire…..done.

Second tire…..done.

Now to the other side.

Third tire…..done.

On to the last tire.  My heart was swelling with pride as I had plenty of my two minutes remaining.  I wanted to “high-five” everyone around!

I squatted like a catcher to fill my final Goodyear Radial.  Struggling to get the air hose on the stem, I lost my balance and rolled backwards onto my butt and continued rolling onto my back.

I was now pinned by a curb on my right side and my car on my left.  I was like a turtle on its back!

I'm a turtle on its back.

All the while—my “two minutes” were counting down.

(Does anyone else have the “Mission Impossible” theme running in their head?)

I fought my way to my feet only to “Tumblelina” onto my back once again.  Finally, with the grit & determination of “Ten Grinches plus Two”, I reclaimed my squat, put the hose to my stem………..And the compressor shut off.

(Bleep Bleep Bleepity Bleep-Bleep)

Now I had to spend another 50 cents for what amounted to be five seconds of air!  That really irked me.  I finished filling my tire and then stood there defiantly squeezing the hose, letting the air escape into the atmosphere.

I wasn’t going to let “the man” take my 50 cents without getting my fair share.

Do you remember that breeze of fresh air you felt last Saturday morning?  That was me.  You can thank me another time.