My Odd Sock

My usual view of a room.

I’m “Fall-Down” funny.  Not funny-hilarious.  I fall down so often, it’s funny.

My doctor will ask “Have you fallen recently?”  And I respond by saying “Which day?”

I fall so often, people think “Spic-N-Span” is my aftershave.

I fall so often, when flossing my teeth I find carpet nap.

I fall so often,…..(insert your own punchline here).

Multiple Sclerosis will do that to you.  MS throws your balance out of kilter and bounds your feet like a guard at Guantanamo Bay.

Hell, I’ve taken more tumbles than Shawn Johnson.

I’m the only guy I know who gets grass stains—–on his shoulders!

That’s not funny.  Seriously.  I could get hurt,  you know.

My body already has more cuts, scrapes & bruises than Joan Crawford’s kids.

I believe a famous philosopher once said “If an MS patient falls in the woods and no one else is around–do they make a sound?  He said something like that.

It’s embarrasing though.  People freak out when you fall in front of them.  They say “Are you OK?” as they rush to help you.

Me?…I’m just jealous of the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” lady.  She is the only one I know to parlay this talent into cash!

Although I have given “fall-down” lessons to Anderson Varejao (You have to be a Cleveland Cavaliers fan to enjoy this one).

This falling stuff is bad.  My butt has kissed the floor so many times I have “rug burn” on my ass.

I have so many stones imbedded in my hands, a Palm Reader once thought I lived in an alley.

Really, I should learn to walk on my hands–that way I’d be closer to the ground.

Looks like a jungle when your chin is stuck in the turf.

But my problem is more in my legs.  I mean, I need training wheels….for my feet!

My ankle turns left more often than NASCAR.

I’m on my knees so much people think I’m Catholic.

That’s it, good night!  I’ll be here all week—two shows Friday, three on Saturday.

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This post is dedicated to another odd sock, my friend Timmy–the king of the one-liners.