My Odd Sock

“I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.”

                                -Nancy Reagan (1921-    )

Nancy’s quote really doesn’t have anything to do with my story.  I just thought it was funny.

A death-ray would be a menacing tool, especially in the hands of evil-doers. 

But looking back at certain times in my life, I raise a bushy eyebrow in wonder if I posses this dark power of demise.

You see, it started when I was very young.

I killed my babysitter.

True story.  OK, I didn’t do it on purpose.  In fact, I don’t even remember.

Like most babies, I was probably just trying to fill my diaper.  My tummy was a little upset, so I thought I’d take a couple of Tums.  Little did I know my babysitter freaks out and drops a coronary on me!

Great.  Now I have that guilt weighing on my little toddler shoulders.  I suppose other babies are now gonna talk behind my back.

My only lingering question about this whole ordeal is why the hell would my parents save this newspaper article?

That’s something unique to find in your “baby-book!”

“Here’s a picture of Baby-Doug with his Gramma & Grandpa….Here’s Baby-Doug playing peek-a-boo with Daddy….And here’s the story of Baby-Doug murdering his sitter.”

My death ray didn’t rear its head again till I was in high school. 

After years of not seeing a dentist because of a bad experience, a rotting molar forced me back into the chair.  I visited a new dentist and he was tremendous!  His practice was thriving.  And I couldn’t have been happier!

Then, he committed suicide.

Was it my molar?  Was it my bad breath?  Was it my horse-faced smile that put Dr. Bailey over the edge?

Now I had the guilt of his death on my other shoulder.

Finally, just a few years ago, I learned that the very first girl I had asked for a date, shot her husband 13 times!  We never went out—she said she didn’t know who I was when I called to ask—but I’m kind of glad that one didn’t work out.

So, the power of a death-ray?  I really don’t think so.  But it IS something I wonder about at times.  Hey, that guy just cut me off in traffic…….I’m beginning to feel a familiar, burning fury within.