An oldie but a goodie!
At My Odd Sock, our investigative team (me) zeros in on the minutiae of multiple sclerosis details, turning over the smallest pebbles of information, so you can enjoy your chronic disease to the fullest!
I dress for (bladder) success.
Today, we turn our attention to the bathroom.
Multiple Sclerosis does a number on the bladder by playing with its mind. By attacking the brain, MS disrupts the nerve impulses from your excretory system..toying with your urgency to go..teasing your control..making a mockery of everything you learned by the time you were three years old.
In essense, MS is potty training’s “badguy.”
I am Sitting Bull. Most guys can go anytime. Anywhere. Not me. Due to my MS, going while standing up is nearly impossible.
Balance issues. Fatigue. And aim?…Forget about it! Therefore, I sit when I pee. Yes, I pee like a girl. My need to “sit-down” sometimes makes going difficult, especially at sporting events. Men’s bathrooms are typically wall to wall “urinal city.” And with only one or two stalls, I have to wait my turn. I end up lurking around like I’m ex-senator Larry Craig looking for a date!
My bladder GPS
If you build it, they will go. I think my “manstuff” has some type of built-in sensor, like a urological GPS unit. It knows when a product of American Standard is nearby. And the closer I get—the more urgent is the call! Sometimes the urge is so strong, I begin the whole “unsnapping, unbuckling & unzipping” process as I walk through our garage. “Clear the way, Dad’s home!” can be heard upon my arrival.
I warn you, be prepared though, as the “festivities of going” usually begin as soon as your foot crosses the treshhold of the bathroom. Your little soldier figures “Hey, I’m in the war-zone, might as well fire the first shot!” In war, many battles have been won using this strategy—and in the bathroom, many pants have been soiled.
Where the Green Grass grows. The other day I was pulling weeds from our flowerbed when a call came in from the bladder. I had to quickly assess the situation….Would I be able to shuffle all the way back into the house? Probably not. So I looked around. My house blocked any view in front of me. Check. A garbage can blocked the view from across the street. Check. My neighbor’s shed covered my rear flank. Check. While my neighbor’s to my left were so far back, they would never be able to see anything. Check.
Next, I had to conduct a spit-second architectual survey of the ground flow. Which direction would the spillover go? Check.
Then, I had to assume the position. Already on my knees, I fully extended my right leg touching the ground at the toe only. My right arm served as my foundation to the front. My left leg was bent under me, touching the ground at both the knee and the toe. It’s fairly obvious that my left arm/hand would do the “Steve Irwin” dirty work. Yes, it was both degrading and humiliating, I know.
Oh hell, it’s just easier to take a picture….
Dramatization. No grass was killed in the taking of this picture.
Even more embarrassing–was this photo shoot!…
There you have it. Another look into the shallow, porcelain bowl of life as someone with MS.
Put your money back in your pocket fella, this dribble is on me.
August 9th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
I really like your website. Excellent content. Please keep posting such excellent cotent.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:52 am
This post really made me laugh! As an MSer who has only just started to experience the ‘get outta the way I’m coming through..’ bladder condition you are discussing, it rang so true! Thankfully I’m a girl so I’m used to waiting in line in order to go to the loo in public places..having more stalls available doesn’t help when all the other women decide to put their make up on in there before exiting to touch it up again at the mirror! So I’ve taken to going early..hell if I sit there for a while waiting to see if I need to go..they all just think I’m really having to tidy up before I can exit!!
Anice xx
June 20th, 2010 at 2:15 am
Im grateful for the blog. Fantastic.
June 11th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Your blog is so informative ¡ keep up the good work!!!!
June 6th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Cool, I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.
May 29th, 2010 at 2:08 am
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May 20th, 2010 at 3:36 am
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May 15th, 2010 at 6:39 am
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February 3rd, 2010 at 4:27 am
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January 24th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
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January 1st, 2010 at 9:28 pm
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October 22nd, 2009 at 2:53 am
Where are you from? Is it a secret?
Bodyc
October 14th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I laughed so hard I almost peed myself!!!
My MS hasn’t attacked me in that way yet…but if it does, I will think of you in this predicament!
October 12th, 2009 at 9:49 am
I’m glad you put this one back up. I’m also sure if anyone you told the story to comes along to see the pictures that go with it, they’ll truly get the laugh engine going.
October 12th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Great latest “installment” :O)